AM5 + MLS Journal after finishing LTU 3.1

[Shannon]

AM5 is supposed to be used by itself.

Shannon..what's going on..what has AM5 have to do with Monsters/Ghost fear..Is this stage meant to get my fears to the next level and overcome them or something?

AM5 was released when? AM6 has been out for how long? I have built what in the meantime? And you think I remember what's in the script of that stage of that program?

Aside from facing your fears, I don't know what it might be. AM5 does push ypou to face and overcome fears.

[lokko]

really...even though it's 4g..damn I just assumed 4g can be used with another 3g or 4g. So far they work well with eachother surprisingly.

[lokko]

Stage 4: day 13:

Stage 4 AM5 sex drive is at an all time LOW. Haven't came since close to the end of stage 3. What in the world...I honestly haven't thought about sex or even jacking off unless I'm on these forums and actively remembering what changes are occuring.

I honestly just want to go and blow a load just thinking about the fact that I haven't blown one in over 2 weeks. I've tried to consciously think of sex and and stuff but the desire isn't there as it normally is. Like usually if I think of sex at night, i'll open up some porn and jack off but nope. I'm not chasing any chicks...nothing, I had lots of attempts but the desire isn't there. Schools a priority, and I've never prioritized school this much in my ENTIRE life. I Used to be the biggest procastinator and never do does he's homework type of person. Failed lots of classes in highschool, had to take a prerequiste course in college to get into business. Now I'm like the guy who brags about his marks and is so focused on getting homework done.


My social game is getting better and better. At times I get insecure and tell myself, "Don't talk too much, you're acting to needy/chatty" and stop myself. I'm going to test my social skills more in group talks, that's where all the insecurities are, and hopefully they are eliminated. I'm assigned in a group in my management class of 5, 3 girls, and me and one other guy that I've been establishing a friendship with.

Ah let me explain how this group formed. Our Instructor asked us to form in a group of 4 or 5 and the guy I'm friends with paired, and we needed 2 or 3 more people, so I was like, bro we gotta have girls in our group, I have about 4-5 cute looking girls in this class, some already joined groups and while I was telling him about having girls in the group, the instructor said "Groups who have a mixed of girls/guys often do better overall" so i was like see! and I pointed out 3 girls who looked like they already formed together and said, how about those girls and he's like alright. I walk up to them I'm like how many people you girls got in your group, and they're like 3, and I'm like K, do you want to add 2? And they all said sure!. And this one chick specifically was pleased with it, the other 2 were worried just cause we were pretty attractive(no cockyness intended) that we weren't the brightest and or help with the group project. Yet when I asked them about there marks for their last quiz they had average scores while I had 100% in one and 93% in the other. So that pretty much shut those 2 other girls mouths/doubts. But I can tell those 2 girls got offended about the marks. So I gotta build the connection again next class which is tomorrow.

[lokko]

day 14: Woke up just now and tons of dreams. Longest one being, gang members fighting/stabbing people and I was too afraid to do amything about it. I had a friend or two who said it was really bad in this city. Then for some reason we went to the bigger city I used to live in (Toronto) and there was less gang violence but more corrupt cops. They arrested me for no reason. And told me I'd be released if I stayed calm. but before they could take me to a cop station, gamg members gave me keys and said free yourself. I didn't want to take it cause I was already going to be free and they insisted, or else they'd stab me thinking I was working for the cops. So I used to keys to get out of the handcuffs and started running. Cops were chasing me. While chasing I realized it was all a set up. The "gang members" some of em were crooket cops. They wanted me to do something illegal so they can use it against me in court. So I screamed through the streets yelling, "cops are trying to arrest me for something I didn't do, they are crooket cops!" After lots of running and so on, the chief cop realized I was telling the truth, by viewing a video of my "brain chip" and stopped the chase for me and made cops chase the leader of the crooket cops.

Crazy dream. However I forget to set my alarm and now missed my first class. Marketing.

[lokko]

Day 15: Tired of this shit. Anytime I think getting in the mindset for a relationship instead of casual or hook up sex, shit doesn't work out. I don't know what it is...maybe I'm moving to fast...or maybe I'm insecure as much as the other person...and when they're insecure I don't try hard..

This chick that likes my statuses constantly messaged me when I liked one of her baby video's that she shared, not of her baby but a funny baby video. We talked only for a bit, and then stopped. Then yesterday she was like "Let's have cute kids" i joked back..this and that, then we stopped talking to her thx to her not replying. Anyhow she messages me tonight saying "Let's hang out tonight" and I reply "Do you need to be picked up or are you able to come to the west end of the city" she doesn't reply...flakes on me..I HATE THAT SHIT. I WANT TO DELETE HER SO BAD but I also want to give her a chance to make it up to me but my blood is boiling. Cause I don't know if she's playing a game with me or is just insecure cause we never really hung out in person only saw her for a brief second or two. I'm getting all depressed and shit cause I avoid getting feelings or getting into mindsets of getting into a relationship because of STUFF LIKE THIS. My past relationship was the worse thing ever so ever since then I just don't allow myself to completely open up and try harder. I see myself as weak if I be too needy, so I constantly avoid girls for relationship shit yet get them for one night stands or casual. Which those don't last or feel any good after. I miss being in a relationship, it's probably been over 2 years since I've had one. And since 4 years ago since my last break up from the girl I gave my whole time and energy and love to. HATE THIS. Even this one girl I know from school who I'm getting to know is not replying to my last text. We were talking and she is sick and I was like "You could be sipping honey lemon tea watching a show with me but nooo, you're sick" and she didn't reply since 2 hours, which pisses me off. LIKE WE ARE GOING TO SEE EACHOTHER IN SCHOOL ONE DAY. WHY DO YOU GIRLS GET SOO WORRIED ABOUT FLIRTING. Maybe it's just me..I dunno anymore. SUBS HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

[swisston]

Firstly, two hours is not a long time She could be doing anything.

If you are feeling this up tight it is probably coming across to her that way too and may make her nervous.

I would try deciding to yourself that you aren't going to look for any kind of relationship at all until you have finished AM; that should allow you just to have fun with girls. By fun, I mean hanging out, laughing, enjoying time together, etc - all the stuff you need for a good relationship. "relationship mindset" sounds a bit like you are trying to force something.

A better, more confident version of yourself will emerge at the end of AM. Finding a good relationship then will be much easier.

Anyway, I hope that the unsolicited advice isn't over stepping the mark

[lokko]

Yeah she flopped, oh well I'm over it.

Stage 4 day 20: Lots of dreams in this stage. This stage is weird cause it brought me back to stage 1 where I wasn't as confident in myself as what stage 2-3 gave me. Resistance coming up I guess.

The other day I went theough something I almost fainted about. Well I finally decided to jack off and when I did, my sperm was filled with blood and I panicked. I swear to you, I was about to faint and I started tapping and my pulse went back down slowly but I was still scared. Went to the hospital they did urine tests and bloood tests and told me to go to doctor after a few days to see results. Found out today it is a urinary tract infection. Phew.

As far as MLS I'm loving it. Making me more focused and interested in school. Today I got a 85% on my accounting quiz I kid you not I was UPSET/RAGING because I had the right answers the first time but 2nd guessed em and ended up with that mark. That's my worse Mark in all my courses. That has to be because of MLS. I failed or had really bad marks in highschool 50-60's. I've never been so dedicated in terms of school in my entire life. I was the bad kid who skipped classes, smoked pot and use drugs. Now I'm those guys in school who aren't happy under 90%.

Oh and more on AM5. I don't crave or desire Alcohol, or anything that I think would harm my body. It's been over 6 months I haven't had a sip of alcohol, I thank this to LTU and AM5. Wasn't a alcholic or anything but still I'd drink on occasion.

[lokko]

Stage 4 day 26: haven't masterbated since the medical incident. Waiting on the antibiotics to treat my Urinary Tract infection that I was diagnosed with, which doctors claim that's why I had blood in my semen. So we'll see in a few days.

like I said this stage is weird. It brought me down to how I felt before AM5 and then restarted in a new perspective. Sorta like, ok here's a refresher of how you behaved before AM5 and here is the differences. The biggest boost I'm getting in AM5 is the self-awareness factor. I love it however, I want to get to the stage of instead of consistent awareness of something I'm already aware of, that I should be unconsciously competent (aka a natural). So for example instead of being aware that I slouch, or touch my face as a sign of nervousness, and stopping myself, I want to be able to unconsciously avoid those situations so that not only is it natural for me not to slouch but also my mind is free of consciously being aware of it so I can use my mind for other benefits. I hope Shannon reads my journals, so he can tell me if he's added this kind of stuff I'm talking about into his subs. I bet he has though because I notice I do some things naturally. For example being calm, collected and respected.

As far as more effects in this stage I notice I'm more alpha in communication with guys, they fear me, but that's not my intention however their fear overcomes my intention which results in them fearing me. BUT at the same time they are very nice to me, and offer me things. Like the technician that came over to fix my internet gave me a 50 ft ethernet cable, which is worth over $30 retail. He didn't have to give me one, but to make me happy he did.

One of the girls at school is getting into me, we're talking as if we've known eachother for so long. She's into me, I'm diggin her. I'll be seeing her at school tmr so we'll see what comes next!


As far as MLS I hit a bump on the road for a few days when I didn't feel like studying or my interest was dying down however I overcame that by tapping on it and doing a lil bit of pstec so I'm back on the ball. I guess resistance came up, but first I dealt with it without tapping, and added tapping to release the emotions behind it.

As far as tapping usage on the forums, I think alot of people are relying too much on it. They tap on anything and everything. Like live life a bit, what doesn't break you makes you stronger however if you release EVERYTHING it wont make you stronger, rather more neutral. So let some emotions come up, as long as they are not effecting your health (stress) and proactive life(productivity) then get creative with overcoming your problems, jump over them, under them, tackle em, don't just stand there and tap. Tapping will release it, and you wont get to see the benefit if you don't jump over it to see what is on the other side. Get my point? However let me resay. Tap if it's affecting your health or proactive life.

[brightike]

This is a really late response, but what I've had a lot of success and quite a few of my friends have taught it to their friends who have had success with it. First to recognize when I'm going to come across as needy (and girls don't want a needy boy to babysit, they want a man to show them a great time/ be in his space). When I was anxious about a girl, texting her, checking to see if my phone has a signal, making a call to my vm to force a network push.. just in case I missed something from her, etc.....

First get off my computer. No good can come from staring at a screen waiting.

Two, reboot my phone. If I had a mini freak out while it was rebooting I know I'm going to come across as a needy droolbag. I'm also not in a self respecting space. This is my world, I'm seeing if she fits.

Last resort, if the neediness/freaking out continues. Pull my battery on my phone, wait 30 min. During the off time do something that I enjoy that distracts me
Hope that helps!

[lokko]

Stage 4 summary: I can't really remember the changes in this stage cause I haven't been actively writing down any changes.

However I do feel less needy, more mature, deeper voice, and calm in high tension situations.

As the last day of stage 4. Me and a friend went clubbing, we brought a girl home. I noticed myself being real cocky/asshole like, so I let go of my ego and she responded much better. Ego is something I still have to work on looks like.

[lokko]

Stage 5 day 2: lots of intense dreams, all have a meaning, but I don't write them down when I wake up, I tend to wake up and go back to sleep again.

The anger I had in the very first few stages I had is coming back in this stage. Not putting up with bullshit or things that waste my time. Being able to say no without saying no. What I mean by that is, I tell people my priorities, and they already understand it's a no for what they wanted from me.. my time.

I stopped using MLS about 5 days ago. Took too much time away from being able to use AM5. I was using am5 stage 4 for 8 hours cuz of MLS.

Also is it normal that I haven't cried since I've started AM5? I mean I used to cry atleast once every month atleast. Just about life, or about my past hurt, but I can't even force myself to cry LOL. Which I know I shouldn't but come on, what the hell!

[lokko]

Weird dreams I've been having lately but this one was note worthy.

I was parked in a jail like place for parking, which is weird..However I wasn't there to visit anyone in jail. But in the same area, there was a building which I was visiting some guy I had tension with. When we were talking, this girl walked in and I realized that this guy had a crush on her. I realized what a beta he is with women that I started hitting on her. I was trying to show this beta kid I was alpha, and so I danced with the girl infront of him, slapped her ass, made jokes. He was real pist but didn't want to show her. She then left for a brief moment and I said look, you're too needy, instead of making the atmosphere flirty and sexy, you logically tell her what you want from her. If you tell her lets have sex, she wont be turned on by you, but if you act upon what you feel, and create the mood for sex, it will feel natural and you'll end up having sex with her. He got the message I was trying to tell him and the tension slowly started to fade.

In this part of the dream I feel like I'm killing off my neediness and instead of begging for sex, I'm creating a sexual atmosophere so that it's natural.

continue of my dream: I then was leaving so I had to find my car, it took forever, and during the time I was trying to find my car, this prison guy was behind me testing out his new gun by trying it out on me, he was literally shooting me but no bullets were coming out. I finally went to my car, and when I was paying for my parking at the front, a group of guys surrounded me, and reached to grab my headphones, in my dream I was listening to am5 sub and they told me to turn it off, I tried but it wasn't turning off in time and they finally reached for my headphones to steal and I told a lady to call security, and security came, and the group of people left except the guy who was trying to steal my headphones, and he was like "how are you going to change your beliefs now, huh?" and I was shocked that they new I was using subs. They managed to steal my headphones and security just watched it happen and said to me, why you such a pussy by calling us for help.

That was the end of that.

[lokko]

Just had another dream about my ex. Honestly I don't know why I can't get over her. It's been more then 4 years now and I'm still having dreams about her, and how I'm in love with her. She's married now, but deep down I know she misses me. I was on her fb page and she shared songs about things that were related to our relationship. For example me being her first love, and how she's with another man now etc..Maybe I need to finally just open up to a new girl for once..

[lokko]

Stage 5 summary:

I honestly don't remember what I went through in detail in this stage. This stage was the most depressing, and feeling of inadequacies and realizations of low self worth I've had. It made me aware of them all, and I thought about how I should change/address them. So much subconscious things going at work in this stage. I went back to video gaming so much in this stage that I think it was me trying to avoid the subconscios stuff coming up to my conscious cause I resist stress as much as possible. I could say that this stage just brought out alot. It was up to me to deal with them, and instead of dealing with them directly I avoided them, however I've kept them as a reminder for change, so hopefully stage 6 helps me with that.

My sex drive is low, hooking up with chicks doesn't feel like a must. Going for the hotness of a chick isn't my biggest drive anymore. It's still a factor I consider, but I expect more now. Such as ACTUALLY a caring girl, supportive, respectful, and loving. More so I'm looking for respect in this stage from chicks, If I don't see it, I'll think "Meh whatever, I'm not gonna waste my time on that chick" even though I still find them hot and would bang em if it came to be. It's just the effort isn't as strong.

Like for example, this hot chick in one of my classes started talking to me in the elevator about the midterms we had, and it was all cool and what not. I found myself following her or trying to talk to her more as we got off and started distancing off. I noticed myself being needy for her attention. Then a few weeks later (I didn't really attend this class as much as I should) I saw her studying with this smart kid, she has this kid by the balls. Really beta guy. In my eyes, I see her using him for his smartness. I don't think he really sees it, or even if he did, doesn't care because is surrounded by this hot chick. Anyways, I went up to them for the intent on some help with a specific homework question and as soon as she found out my intent was not to give her attention but to find help from either her or the smart kid, she kinda ignored my presence and directed the smart kid to her homework by pointing at her comp and talking about a question. When I saw that all I could think of was "WTF THIS CHICK IS FUCKING RUDE, I"M OUT OF HERE" and I said thx to the smart kid and left. I started thinking about it and was like "WHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE LIKE THAT, LIKE YOU COULD ATLEAST HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, OR SAY YOU'RE REALLY BUSY AND CAN"T HELP" I thought it over and over. I told myself, she most likely has some beliefs, and these beliefs are strong beliefs/values. I said, she either has someone who gave her advice about who to make friends with, the saying goes "If you surround yourself with smart people, you will be smart" or other sayings around those lines. So she chose to surround herself with the smart kid, and when she noticed me trying to take some of that help or thing away from her, her only thought of protecting that was to avoid anymore communication with me, so that I would naturally leave. I then that, well wtf, she's lacking respect by letting me know she's busy or even humour by jokingly saying, k you can't have him, he's helping me!" or something along those lines. In my head I was like, what would have happened if I confronted her and said, "Wow that was rude, you don't just turn look away and direct your friend to your homework while we we're just talking, you atleast say, hey we're busy right now" but then I was like do I really need that drama, or is it EVEN DRAMA, will it help me become a better me....ahh these thoughts. At this point of the stage MORE ASC would have been perfect.