A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)

[Benjamin]

I liked his book too.. but he's definately written some crap in his articles recently. Enough to make me unsubscribe.

[Benjamin]

It's interesting not being as obsessed with girls and focusing on other things how i've started to shift some other areas.

Been more social, catching up with some old friends and a new one who I went out to the pub with last weekend, and the first time I remember I actually enjoyed it without going there just for girls and time went pretty quick.

Also getting the urge to try some more things. I started kickboxing a few weeks ago, and where a few years ago any training was just for fighting I started it just for enjoyment, fun and personal challenge not to fight or even for self defense. And been enjoying it.

But.. this is weird. I thought they were the reasons. But yesterday while working on stuff from school with Inner Bonding I come across a memory that was way more intense and painful than I ever thought but I must have just been numbing it out all this time.

Basically I was friends with these 2 girls and a guy and would hang out with them. Another guy was there one day being a fucking idiot and I stood up to him, my so called 'friends' told me I have to leave and hide and didn't stand up for me and I think I didn't hang out with them after that. Well I went somewhere else and this guy come back with like 20+ people threatening me and I ended up apologizing even though I didn't want to. This guy by himself would have been able to do little, but how quickly he got that group. I knew it was a bad memory, but never connected with the massive intensity of it, fear, anger, feeling helpless like there was nothing I could do etc.. it was so intense I couldn't do the process i've been doing on things that has so far been effective, I went through it but it barely touched it.

So I decided to take it to PSTEC and I did a whole hour of PSTEC on it.. the whole time almost my body was shaking with tension, I was growling, screaming internally, breathing got deep like it would when you're seething with anger and fear. It's the most intense emotions that I remember coming up for a long time, and i've been doing this process of really connecting with my wounded emotions for nearly a few months now and found alot of intense things.

During it images of doing kickboxing and enjoying it come up and I kept trying to move on from that in fear it might clear the enjoyment of it. But the only thing that makes sense since it kept coming up is that the massive pain, helplessness and such from that memory (and other things in the past) are what originally lead me to martial arts, and interestingly I found the desire again after not having it for a few years.. and now dealing with that intense memory i've found that my desire to go back to kickboxing is very little.

That is frustrating because I was enjoying it, i'm most likely still going to go tomorrow night but where I was looking forward to it the last few weeks before the day it doesn't seem interesting.

WTF.. it's like realizing after meeting my mum when I was processing alot and feeling confused, not knowing what to do now that when I release certain things i've been holding onto all of my life I start to wonder how much of my life, goals and such were coming from that. And it may have been the same with this memory.

Either that or there's just alot of processing going on.

When I realized because of what i've been working on that I needed to start to explore what I want now i've been doing Future Authoring and it all points to my new priority being money.. mainly what that can bring, moving where I want to, more independence and such. And exploring several goals, I think 7 or so in the end, money, business, independence and such are above girls and sex now.

Yes I still want girls and sex, and i'm struggling some days to stay away from girls as the date i've set is a bit over 2 weeks when I decided i'd allow myself to be with them again. But it won't be the priority.

For that time I refocused on working on the core wounded emotions instead of the specific stuff around girls because the core wounded emotions are the deeper stuff. After that I will likely work on specifics but not as the priority. And likely will stop DMSI pretty soon for a money type program or just really focus on money beliefs and programming with other methods.

On the non healing stuff with DMSI, lately almost every night i've been having dreams about girls being after me, sex, woken up with hardons etc and more wet dreams than in a while.

But then throughout the day my sex drive seems non existent, sometimes it comes up but even seeing stuff where I should be excited it's like "what the hell".

And I may have mentioned, but I wonder if i'm fighting against DMSI unneccessarily with the decision of not being with girls and working on dealing with the emotions making me needy for something from them. As especially when I have more girls/sex dreams the next day I wake up with increased desire to be with girls, but at the moment i've taken that and looked at it as still having the need, when some of it could be the motivation programming from DMSI towards the goal and also natural desire.

[Raikahoken]

Maybe DMSI is pushing you to financial success? You never know. It will be interesting to see if you encounter more financial fortunes while on DMSI.

[Benjamin]

I don't know, it's pushing me to deal with alot of things and it's either that or through the work i've done on the deeper issues and the realizations my priorities are shifting.

And I realize to get ahead the focus on those other things are more important. DMSI may get me to the point of realizing I need to deal with money and such but i'm not under the illusion it's really going to help on money beliefs and such and for that I need something focused on that specifically.

DMSI isn't doing what it's supposed to in the area of girls, though yes i'm not going for them at the moment. I'm mainly staying on it right now to extend the healing on the core wounded emotions. It's only around 5 weeks until the date I set i'd do it while focusing on healing the abandonment and other wounded emotions.

I'm probably talking to more girls than in a while recently, but without the intent of trying to get anything. So i'm not sure what will happen in a few weeks when I decide i'll be with girls again. That will likely bring up more of those things again and it will be finding the balance of just talking to them how I have been and going for it if I like them without being too much like "I really have to get something from them".

And balancing the being more social without just looking for girls but then being okay with going for it when there's the opportunity. Hanging out with other people and not just thinking about anywhere I go just going there for girls like before.

On the other hand, i'll continue healing with Inner Bonding for example. But sorely focusing on healing has gone on long enough.

I don't know what i'll do next. I realized BAMM isn't so much my goal though I thought it was, so i'll see what else I can do. Or maybe just work on money beliefs with other methods for a while and take some time off subliminals which I have barely done in years.

Why isn't BAMM my goal? Because I want balance, I don't want exclusive focus just on that which is what it would take.. I want to grow in other areas too and not just go from obsession with girls for years and not being able to really think about anything else to money instead of girls. My main goal is enough money so I don't have to worry about finances and I can do the things I want to do and go the places I want to go. I give zero fucks bout having a ferrari or something for example.

I do find it cool that with DMSI and the healing my priorities have started to shift to dealing with what I really need to deal with. And that in the end takes me away from DMSI.. but that's fine. Though honestly of course the desire is there and when 3.2 comes out I can't say I won't be tempted.

[Kol]

Ya, especially on B it was like running a wealth/business sub at times. Manifestation can get craaazy on it tho. Your goal about the money thing is similar to mine

[Benjamin]

Interesting, it would be cool to see the full potential of B. Have you noticed improvements around money Kol?

When I first did B it was really good for like a week then most of what was happening disappeared and it got too intense so I went back to A. The second time I just felt like shit the whole time so went back to A again.

At this point my idea is to go until the 15/9/17 on A as that's when I gave myself the okay to be with girls again and switch to B, then the date I set for finishing DMSI was 4/10/17. I will see what B does now that i've made good progress healing these deeper issues.

If the crazy motivation, discipline and focus I had when I first started 3.0.1 for a week or two where I was easily working for hours and had this feeling of "I can really do this" and things opening up.. had come back and was there consistently then i'd likely stay on DMSI. But since the start of 3.0.1 I haven't seen that.

Some of it and possibly success programming come back a bit more on B.. atleast until the intensity and conflicts come up.

And with awareness of my pattern I can see a potential problem of if I switch to B and it really starts working as i'd hoped DMSI would because of the further healing i've done then it will be difficult to stop it.

[Benjamin]

The Man In Search Of Approval.

Once upon a time there was a man in search of approval. With his ray of approval he swept over the lands and waters looking for approval, not noticing that what he was searching with was his approval. His beam fell on various objects. Some of the objects reflected the approval and the man exclaimed, “Ah! I found it! That is the approval!”, still without noticing that he himself was providing the approval.

After a while the man realized that the approval of the physical objects was not permanently there, that he had not yet found the ultimate source of approval.

And so he continued his restless search. Then, one day, he discovered a woman. And the woman discovered him. And then he was bathed in the approval of the woman. “That is IT!” he exclaimed. “I have never seen that much approval!” And he fell in love with the woman.

But because he still did not notice that he himself was a source of approval, he became dependent on the woman, dependent on her approval.

And every time the woman put her approval elsewhere, he missed the warmth and comfort of her approval and felt cold and lonely. One day a wise old sage visited the Lighthouse and told him that he already is what he is looking for.

That the tool with which he is searching is what he is searching. “Consciousness cannot be understood because consciousness is what understands,” and “The eye cannot see itself, because it is that which sees,” the sage said. Then the man noticed his own radiant approval.

And he learned the ability to consciously direct his approval and warm others and himself with it. He learned to change the intensity of the radiance according to the situation. And the man became enlightened. Or more precisely: He finally noticed what he had already been all along.

[Benjamin]

Had the intuition to retest loops again. The thought that loops are going up as I heal more is consistent.

Sunday 3/9/17 - Started 8 loops as per sway testing.

[Benjamin]

Another one...

“Imagine that you have a magical kitchen in your home. In that magical kitchen, you can have any food that you want from any place in the world in any quantity. You never worry about what to eat; whatever you wish for. You are very generous with your food; you give your food unconditionally to others, not because you want something in return from them. Whoever comes to your home, you feed just for the pleasure of sharing your food, and your house is always full of people who come to eat the food from your magical kitchen.

Then one day someone knocks at your door, and it’s a person with a pizza. You open the door, and the person looks at you and says, ‘Hey, do you see this pizza? I’ll give you this pizza I you let me control your life, if you do whatever I want you to do. You are never going to starve because I can bring pizza every day. You just have to be good to me.’

Can you imagine your reaction? In your kitchen you can have the same pizza even better. Yet this person comes to you and offers you food, if you just do whatever she wants you to. You are going to laugh and say, ‘No thank you! I don’t need your food, I have plenty of food!’

Now imagine the exact opposite. Several weeks have gone by and you haven’t eaten. You are starving and you have no money in your pocket to buy food. The person comes with the pizza and says, ‘Hey, there’s food here. You can have this food if you just do what I want you to.’ You can smell the food, and you are starving. You decide to accept the food and do whatever the person asks of you. You eat some food, and she says, ‘If you want more, you can have more, but you have to keep doing what I want you to do.’

You have food today, but tomorrow you may not have food, so you agree to do whatever you can for food. You can become a slave because of food, because you need food because you don’t have it.”

Replace food with 'love' or 'approval'.

[Have at ye]

Nice stories.

[Benjamin]

Thanks man, I read them and thought i'd share them with people who would appreciate it.

[Benjamin]

Had the intuition to retest with the sway test whether A or B is the best way forward for now as when I tested the loops it was only for Version A, plus I also feel i've dealt with a whole lot of stuff in the last few months.

Seems the most effective way forward is again Version B. That was the answer I got ages ago that it would be the most effective, but the intensity of it was too much at the time. Making good progress on healing since then i'll see how it goes. Also from the sway test 8 loops plus the other things i'm doing was too much for me to process which I suspected so I thought i'd sway test it.

I also had the feeling pop up today that "I'm ready to be with girls again". I don't know if that's simply impatience as the date I had set is only 10 days from now or what it is. I will continue the healing and things i'm doing also and not just hope they will fill something for me like before.

Seeing I have a month left on DMSI I guess from tonight i'll do B for that month.

Tuesday 5/9/17 - DMSI Version B with 5 loops as per sway test.

[RTBoss]

Had the intuition to retest with the sway test whether A or B is the best way forward for now as when I tested the loops it was only for Version A, plus I also feel i've dealt with a whole lot of stuff in the last few months.

Seems the most effective way forward is again Version B. That was the answer I got ages ago that it would be the most effective, but the intensity of it was too much at the time. Making good progress on healing since then i'll see how it goes. Also from the sway test 8 loops plus the other things i'm doing was too much for me to process which I suspected so I thought i'd sway test it.

I also had the feeling pop up today that "I'm ready to be with girls again". I don't know if that's simply impatience as the date I had set is only 10 days from now or what it is. I will continue the healing and things i'm doing also and not just hope they will fill something for me like before.

Seeing I have a month left on DMSI I guess from tonight i'll do B for that month.

Tuesday 5/9/17 - DMSI Version B with 5 loops as per sway test.

That's interesting, as whenever I used the phrasing, "most effective," it's always come back Version B, as well. It's whenever I used words like "gentle" and "safe" that Version A would become the answer.

[Benjamin]

Yep it was similar for me. This time I didn't test 'gentle' and such though as I thought i'd just see as it's been a while back on healing.