6G bonanza J & RM vol. 2 (OGSF v3)

[Have at ye]

Day 27/93, OGSF v3

Sleeping pretty well. I am noticing a lessened fear response in stresfull situations (it's still there a bit, though) - f. in. I got stuck in my elevator today with my phone dead, haha, and I was mostly slightly miffed because I couldn't inform my therapist lady I won't be coming. I was stuck there for over an hour, too. Fun times.

I am noticing that compared to earlier OGSFing, where I experienced more unpleasant emotions/sensations and fewer thought and recollections, I'm now having more thoughts and recollections and less of the other thing.

Wonky sensations still going on, though. I do get different ones as well which I hope is indicative of progress.

[Have at ye]

Day 28/93, OGSF v3

Not much new happening, feels like fear removal is being worked on, seeing as this "core trauma" area of wonky sensations is getting a workout and I get the occasional slight feeling of anxiety. Feeling kinda bored.

[Have at ye]

Day 29/93, OGSF v3

Had dreams most wonky. This thing I like to call the "core trauma" is definitely getting worked on. Feeling pretty decently otherwise. Got some translation jobs to do today.

[Have at ye]

Day 30/93, OGSF v3

Wonky dreams continuing unabated. I am experiencing way less worry/anxiety and such than while previously using the program. It's funny, because I get fewer wonky sensations right now, but they sometimes return *while I'm sleeping* and I remember them occurring. Wonky!

[Have at ye]

Day 31/93, OGSF v3

Lotsa dreams. Funnily enough, some of them feature music prominently, lawl.

I feel pretty stable but a little bit lazy and bored at the same time. Reading a lot of entertainment stuff.

Two more months of OGSF v3 to go! I think I've made a helluva lot of progress during the inital 31 days.

[Have at ye]

Day 32/93, OGSF v3

Wonky sensations have lessened a lot. I mean, they're still there, but are extremely subtle (especially compared to the first two-three weeks, which were a wonky sensation bonanza, with lots of unpleasant emotions and sensations to boot). I don't mind. I don't mind at all.

Gearing up - albeit slowly - to get back to my regular physical exercise EMS regimen, as well as regular singing practice. Had one audition in mind, but it turned out the part is definitely not for my voicetype, oyyy. Another audition - for a full-time chorus gig - is out of town so I'd have to move, and honestly while I wouldn't mind doing chorus work every now and again, it's not why I've been practicing the darn thing these past, oh, 20 years or so. Ehhh. I'll think on it, but currently I'd be struggling to find the motivation. Otherwise, all quiet on the jobs front. Getting the occasional test translation and such for translation gigs, but usually one in 5-6 turns into a regular customer which is kinda annoying and disheartening. Doing whatever work comes up whenever it does.

My libido and interest in wimmen is pretty low right now (as well as my interest in socializing in general). Still, some ladies do give me IOIs and such every now and again which is always welcome (aslo, I'm totally hot, lol ) but otherwise I'm not overly into pursuing them or anything.

My anger at my psychoanalyst lady has receeded a touch, so I guess I'll go and talk to her next week (skipped this week's session because I was seriously pissed off at her). Maybe I'll give her a piece of my mind, we'll see. Or not. She's hot, but ehh, screw her and the horse she rode on. Like, seriously, how dumb do you have to be to tell a guy in crisis, which was mostly caused through workplace mobbing, including sexual harrasment (like for instance from this degenerate little boyo who'd do things like walk up behind me unawares and start doing copulatory movements on my butt. AT WORK. BEFORE A PERFORMANCE. IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE TOO. I darn near punched the guy on the spot on more than one occasion, lewl), and she's like, "But it was just a joke!" IS SHE RETARDED OR SOMETHING? And still she dares trying to convince me I'm overreacting. Had I overracted, I'd have been in prison by now, lewl. Worst I did was a stern talking to (for which I was ultimately fired because I lost my nerve and sent an e-mail, and these bozos snitched and got me fired, ehh). I was seriously contemplating a lawsuit; trouble is, since I wasn't recording the proceedings or anything, I do not have much in the way of hard proof, and these idjits tend to be a tight-knit bunch of circlejerking morons so I doubt I'd find many willing to testify on my behalf. Oyy.

[Have at ye]

Day 33/93, OGSF v3

Kinda bored. Started doing some experiments because of that. Hopefully they'll pan out and won't derail the program (I don't think they should. It feels like it's working normally still).

A touch of wonky sensations here and there. Wonky dreams continuing. Some interesting stuff coming up, some of it kinda unexpected (probably related to fear and shame, I think!).

Feeling pretty well, but still kinda blah. Anger's gone (for now, at least). Libido feels nonexistent right now, lawl. But I think it's because I'm hyperfocused on OGSFing.

[Have at ye]

Day 33/93, OGSF v3

Chanced upon a youtube vid, it's about Jungian psychology - even though I'm not all that big on Jung (for many reasons which I shall skip) which I found very interesting, and it makes some seriously good points I think. Kinda brought me some relief as well while I'm OGSFing most hardcorily.

Here it is!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvBGF--xLdU

[Have at ye]

Day 34/93, OGSF v3

Got some wonky sensations in my right eye, hadn't had those yet on this particular program.

Getting lots of dreams, some of the usual, like f. in. boxing dreams, but in these I am like, really good at it and winning despite the odds, haha.

An interesting development has occurred, I'll not go into too much detail as to not jinx it, lol.

[Have at ye]

Day 35/93, OGSF v3

Good progress last night, I could tell from my dreams. I also feel halfway decent.

Continuing.

[Have at ye]

Day 37/93, OGSF v3

Continuing. Had wonky dreams. Otheiwise quiet. Singing practice went pretty well.

[Have at ye]

Day 38/93, OGSF v3

Wonky sensations have died down, I do get still a little bit more sleepy and such, some dreams here and there. A little bit tired of OGSFing, TBH, but I'm gradually becoming more active.

[Have at ye]

Day 39/93, OGSF v3

Had some dreams last night, slept a long time. It seems like OGSFing is cotinuing. It's getting easier on me now, but to an outward observer I'd probably be acting as if I were somewhat depressed, even though I don't feel depressed. Just unmotivated to do stuff. Can't wait to be done with OGSF, TBH!

Waiting on news on that gig I mentioned some time ago, also found an audition I'd like to apply to, gotta make three recordings and I've got two months to do it, so I'd better get my butt in gear.

Anyroad, we had presidential election today and I participated. I'm totally a part of the democratic process, lawl!

[Baya]

Day 39/93, OGSF v3

Had some dreams last night, slept a long time. It seems like OGSFing is cotinuing. It's getting easier on me now, but to an outward observer I'd probably be acting as if I were somewhat depressed, even though I don't feel depressed. Just unmotivated to do stuff. Can't wait to be done with OGSF, TBH!

Waiting on news on that gig I mentioned some time ago, also found an audition I'd like to apply to, gotta make three recordings and I've got two months to do it, so I'd better get my butt in gear.

Anyroad, we had presidential election today and I participated. I'm totally a part of the democratic process, lawl!

Ngl i am also looking forward to running sth else, kinda always exhausted on it.