6G bonanza J & RM vol. 2 (OGSF v3)

[Have at ye]

Day 16/93, OGSF v3

OGSFing appears to be progressing nicely. It's a bit rough every now and again, but eh, nobody said it's gonna be all sunshine and rainbows, lol. I'm feeling progressively better, though. Had some very interesting dreams to boot.

Wonky sensations are wonkying it up still, but it feels like these "hollowed out" parts of me are gradually mending, so to speak.

[Have at ye]

Day 17/93 OGSF v3

Still going strong, that trauma healing/clearing. It's getting to a point where it's not as distracting but I still feel like crap a lot of the time, and have wonky sensations in the usual spots + a little bit here and there in different spots. Physical pain sometimes as well. Feeling kinda lazy due to that.

It's kinda like the program is working on Big Traumas, but in the process - whenever they get resist-y - it works on resolving Auxillary Traumas, let's call them, which take less time and make me feel better after. The Big Traumas are still being worked on. Hopefully this time for good - I'm kinda bummed I've spent the better part of last year using EPHRA 5.11G and OGSF v2 5.11G and this crap still has a hold on me. Now I'm thinking I could have spent that time better running USLMaxx or something. But oh well. You live and you learn.

They rejected my application for auditions because I sent audio recordings and it turned out they wanted video recordings, they just made a mistake in this audition-tracking app thingy I'm using (and yeah, thier website does state "video recordings"). Oh joy. Ehh, showbiz, oy? At least I like how one of the recordings turned out so I can show it off to buddies and wimmen - my friends seem to be enjoying it.

I did get a line on another audition, this time local, and I think I'm gonna try to apply (though I'm not really expecting to get a callback, given the nepotism around here, but hey, it'll never hurt to try).

[Have at ye]

Day 18/93, OGSF v3

Feeling progressively better, but still somewhat low-key depressed. I am functional, though. Taking it easy. The program's working, so I'm happy. Can't wait to move on to other things already, though.

[Have at ye]

Day 19/93, OGSF v3

OGSFing. Wonky sensations aplenty, but they're slightly different now (now I'm getting slight heart-ache and such). Feeling better day by day, though still a bit lazy and unproductive. As long as this works and I'm gonna have an easier time living/using other programs, I can take it. Interestingly enough I didn't get any dreams last night.

A nice thing that happened today, I was commuting, and these two young hotties sat in front of me and started shooting me glances, looking for eye contact, and sunshine-and-rainbowing me with smiles alluva sudden, very flirty. I'm currently not in the mood for romance/sexy times due to focusing on OGSF for now, but it's always nice when stuff like that happens. Make me feel good because I've been neglecting my physical regimen this past week or so and I'm feeling fat and unattractive due to that.

EDIT

Oh, I did get an extension on my disability. Did not get any money out of it, but I'm gonna try to use it find employment of some sort as I could really go for a full-time job because I'm tired of being a freelancer, lol (even though I'm currently comfortable financially). You know, get medical insurance coverage, all that jazz (and a steady paycheck).

[Have at ye]

Day 20/93, OGSF v3

Feeling progressively better and more active, took a nap today and had dreams again. Auxiallary Traumas are getting dealt with pretty fast, but the Core Traumas are still a work most in progress.

I'm kinda miffed I don't have pretty much anyone to talk to about my experiences on OGSF, even my therapist is kinda skeptical and is low-key trying to convince me to stop using subs (I understand her reasoning, but I disagree with it. In short: Freudian orthodoxy, haha - Daddy Freud participated and observed introductory experiments in therapeutic hypnosis back in the day and did not find them to his liking. It's been almost two centuries ago, though, technology and methodology has progressed quite a bit since then, lawl). I'm also tired of having to constantly explain myself and my decisions to other people - it's especially frustrating that I know a great many peeps who could *really benefit* from using these subs but having to convince them it's safe and effective is an ordeal and a half. Honestly, I think I'll just keep at it and once outside results become apparent and beyond a shadow of a doubt, and someone asks how I did this or that, I might introduce some people to these subs and guide them through it as I have quite extensive experience in using them.

Not anyone who asks, though, because some people can really go screw as far as I'm concerned.

[Have at ye]

Day 21/93, OGSF v3

Something pretty big got healed up yesterday, I think (the wonky sensation on the right side of my right foot) and now it's back to working on Core Trauma in the chest area, with links to the right side of the perineum (the main one that was acting up when I was using OSC). I can tell what the program is doing mostly by way of wonky sensations.

I did have a pretty fascinating dream yesterday, though. I think it's indicative of healing stuff.

Feeling ready to get back in the saddle and back into action (like singing practice, EMS exercise and the like). I am managing to maintain a pretty decent diet recently and I think I'm losing weight, so I'll add some exercise to that to speed up the proceedings. I wanna be a fine piece of man-ass come DMSI 6G time, haha. Back to listening to musac as well (I didn't feel like listening to music all that much these past several weeks which is indicative of a focus on unpleasantness/a depressive symptom).

I do not feel the self-love, self-esteem overly because I'm too focused on trauma healing, I think, but I do notice a difference whenever I'm interacting with people.

Way less interested in pursuing psychology/peer support whatevers/education and such. I think I was pursuing it mostly as a way of self-healing, but now that I can use OGSF effectively to that end I don't think I need it. I would have a lot to say, though, but a lot of it would be contrary to the currently estabilshed pseudo-scientific, psychological canon, so to speak, lawl. I might do it upon a day. Still gonna go along with our friendly Lacanians and maybe try to sell them on some of my ideas, maybe. I'll think on it.

[Have at ye]

Day 22/93, OGSF v3

I went to practice singing after a week-long break, intended to do it for maybe 30 minutes or so, ended up practicing for over two hours, lol. Got my voice working closer to the way I want it to.

I did experience symptoms of attacks, like pesky thoughts regarding my detractors/saboteurs and such, but they passed after some time and did not disturb my practice *too* much. I do miss regular DRSing, though, as with DRS v2 that was pretty much a non-issue after a couple of weeks. I'll make it through, easy-peasy, and then they'll get DRSed in the face and everyone's going to be happy (except for them, lawl).

Work on that Core Trauma is progressing, I did catch a wonky sensation which would indicate an Auxillary Trauma of some sort getting worked through as well.

I'm definitely noticing feelings of guilt lessening.

All in all, good progress. The first three weeks were pretty rough but I've persevered.

TBH I hope we're gonna get EHPRA 6G sometime in the future and I'm definitely going to use it. I also sure hope it's going to be shield-compatibile.

Feeling more optimistic/less depressed today.

Gonna do an EMS workout tomorrow in the morning. Gotta pace myself.

[Have at ye]

Day 22/93 OGSF v3, continued

So I just passed something pretty heavy and now I'm feeling relief, as well as the self-forgiveness, self-esteem and self-love scripting kicking in. Feels good. Good progress.

[Have at ye]

Day 23/93 OGSF v3

That "core trauma" is healing up now, it's kinda rough. I find myself breathing heavily and going all "oof" from time to time, as if something big was passing through (or, in a way, as if I were taking a big dump, lawl. Sorry for the analogy, but that's kinda how it is ).

Had very interesting "dreams" - it wasn't even dreams, it was as if I was actively trying to convince myself or something, performing "auto-therapy" on myself, but I was doing so while I was sleeping, using language. Funky.

Had gult spring up yesterday but I guess it's a work in progress.

Honestly, I'm still miffed you can't OGSF v3 and DRS v2 at the same time. Because I'm still being attacked every now and again, with a lot of guilt-tripping going on. I mean, OGSF v3 does clear it out, but it's a drag on my progress.

It's rough getting there, but since I'm getting noticeable progress I'm going to keep at it.

[Have at ye]

Day 24/93, OGSF v3

Well, something interesting happened. I got a helluva headache, and then I even got a little bit nauseous, and the a flood of memories came in, and they're still coming in. Now I feel very sad and down. Also really pissed off at my therapist, lawl.

I could really go for some EHPRAing right about now TBH.

[ncbeareatingman]

Day 24/93, OGSF v3

Well, something interesting happened. I got a helluva headache, and then I even got a little bit nauseous, and the a flood of memories came in, and they're still coming in. Now I feel very sad and down. Also really pissed off at my therapist, lawl.

I could really go for some EHPRAing right about now TBH.

 GO Warrior !! Strong Heart !!

[Have at ye]

Thank you, friend!

I think it's time to break off with my therapist. I don't know whether I'll do it next session, but I've come to the conclusion that not only is she ill-equipped for what I've been through, she's also being quite actively harmful to me, and she's wasted a lot of my time and health, and healing effort.