I understand completely.... actually I too had gone through soooo many things but I was always focused 100% on the end goal.
Being an artist all I wanted to do was sell paintings.
Being a writer all I wanted to do was sell books.
Being a blogger all I wanted to do was get lots of subscribers.
Being an animator I just wanted my name in credits of a movie.
It's very stressful in that regard that the doubts will creep in anytime you focus on the end goal. For me, remembering as a kid and a teen how much I loved figuring out how to make my own video games and also how so many video games today are created just in with revenue in mind vs. creativity, I guess for me, that is the ultimate hobby and the only one that I do not focus on the end result (money, fame, self-employment).
And it's when you find something that you can do, for yourself, that actually does peak your interest 100% and not just for a career or the rewards that come with it... For example, I'd rather make my own game because nothing else seems to satisfy me and the things I like don't even exist. But I'd also like to make one because I love building things from scratch.
Overtime, you will find yourself wanting to get better, focusing your time/energy on it and being extremely motivated with it... And my belief, and this book also mentions it, if you have that passion and that driving force for that one thing you were meant to do, you will be able to make a career out of it...
As for art... I'm one of those people with very little talent that went to art school. I never took a painting class, to be honest. Actually, I think it's important you really get down drawing before learning to paint. However, I will say, not everyone in art school is a natural born artist. In fact, a lot of people in my first art class were new to drawing. Life drawing was the same way and drawing naked models was very very difficult for many. And like you, I also felt kind of an outcast at times because I thought everyone else was already an artist haha.
In any case, the things you like require a lot of different components and maybe for you it's all about figuring out what niche really resonates with you. For instance, playing pretend means you love to use your imagination. Surely if you narrow it down there are probably reasons why you wanted to create a cartoon or video game.
For me, I personally love problem solving and a lot of math/science (which is involved in programming) building things, and combining many different mediums like writing, art, technology. My favorite games include games that deal a lot with crafting, creating and building worlds (which also makes me realize how much I enjoy virtual art), and yet also social. Some of my favorite memories as a kid relating to gaming included the escape into such beautiful and amazing worlds that really took you away. Other things as a kid included my increased desire to learn how to use computers and build things on them like web pages, my imagination pretending that I could build space ships out of cardboard boxes, and my weird obsession with Windows paint.
I tried animation, I even tried film, but for me, what was lacking was the problem-solving and building aspect (as animation is all about movement of a character) so I ultimately gave up on it even though I was working with Pixar employees and if I just stuck it out for two years I could be working at Dreamworks or Pixar now. (If you're really interested in animation www.animationmentor.com is prob. the best investment ever
) So that's pretty much how I found my own passion but it took forever and it also made me feel hopeless, doomed and ultimately uninterested in most things. And I don't know if you realize this but with every major career there are sooo many specializations. Taking animation for example:
-3d modeler that sculpts the models
-rigger that puts the bones into the models that allow the animators to animate realistically
-drawing for 2d animation/landscape art/painting
-animator - the puppet master at making things come to life
-user interface designer - in gaming mostly designing interfaces/menus
-story boarding artist
-writing
-voice acting
-special effects / particle systems dealing with explosions, manipulation, etc.
-lighting scenes
-camera operating
and more!
Most of those are specialization careers or jobs that individual people have mastered and work together to produce the whole animation, for example.
Now relating to your questions about doing art on things you like vs. having to do art for someone else. Sure, in some careers you will be required to do what the boss wants you to do. Even today in web design I don't have 100% creative freedom. BUT, I do have the skills to make a website for myself, I can use my own creative spin on things and even start a business doing but I have zero passion for it. With gaming and animation I could, for instance, create my own video games in my spare time and maybe market them/sell them (which is my current goal)... I could join teams for games/projects that most interest me and my ideas... I could make my own animated series and bring in fans through social media, etc. etc. But I find, and even my therapist says... "stop thinking about the end goal" just think about how much you enjoy it and want to learn, eventually the rest will follow.
But I think for you, it's all about figuring out what things interest you on a daily basis without forcing yourself to do them, and narrowing down what aspects of that very thing really draws you to it. Even things that in the back of your mind say "I wish I could learn to do that". If that is art... just remember that of course you won't make money off of it right now but when you get skill there are endless possibilities depending on where you'd like to go with it: animating is a very well rewarding career, web design is also very very in-demand, game design, character design, film effects, independent artist, crafter, etc. etc. Art also deals heavily with perspective and creativity so there are an unlimited number of directions you could go with art.
Also, one point from the book that really resonated with me was that you should think about what things throughout your life you really wanted to better understand and get better at. Even today, something that you really want to understand and you look at it through a child sense of wonderment
Being an artist all I wanted to do was sell paintings.
Being a writer all I wanted to do was sell books.
Being a blogger all I wanted to do was get lots of subscribers.
Being an animator I just wanted my name in credits of a movie.
It's very stressful in that regard that the doubts will creep in anytime you focus on the end goal. For me, remembering as a kid and a teen how much I loved figuring out how to make my own video games and also how so many video games today are created just in with revenue in mind vs. creativity, I guess for me, that is the ultimate hobby and the only one that I do not focus on the end result (money, fame, self-employment).
And it's when you find something that you can do, for yourself, that actually does peak your interest 100% and not just for a career or the rewards that come with it... For example, I'd rather make my own game because nothing else seems to satisfy me and the things I like don't even exist. But I'd also like to make one because I love building things from scratch.
Overtime, you will find yourself wanting to get better, focusing your time/energy on it and being extremely motivated with it... And my belief, and this book also mentions it, if you have that passion and that driving force for that one thing you were meant to do, you will be able to make a career out of it...
As for art... I'm one of those people with very little talent that went to art school. I never took a painting class, to be honest. Actually, I think it's important you really get down drawing before learning to paint. However, I will say, not everyone in art school is a natural born artist. In fact, a lot of people in my first art class were new to drawing. Life drawing was the same way and drawing naked models was very very difficult for many. And like you, I also felt kind of an outcast at times because I thought everyone else was already an artist haha.
In any case, the things you like require a lot of different components and maybe for you it's all about figuring out what niche really resonates with you. For instance, playing pretend means you love to use your imagination. Surely if you narrow it down there are probably reasons why you wanted to create a cartoon or video game.
For me, I personally love problem solving and a lot of math/science (which is involved in programming) building things, and combining many different mediums like writing, art, technology. My favorite games include games that deal a lot with crafting, creating and building worlds (which also makes me realize how much I enjoy virtual art), and yet also social. Some of my favorite memories as a kid relating to gaming included the escape into such beautiful and amazing worlds that really took you away. Other things as a kid included my increased desire to learn how to use computers and build things on them like web pages, my imagination pretending that I could build space ships out of cardboard boxes, and my weird obsession with Windows paint.
I tried animation, I even tried film, but for me, what was lacking was the problem-solving and building aspect (as animation is all about movement of a character) so I ultimately gave up on it even though I was working with Pixar employees and if I just stuck it out for two years I could be working at Dreamworks or Pixar now. (If you're really interested in animation www.animationmentor.com is prob. the best investment ever
) So that's pretty much how I found my own passion but it took forever and it also made me feel hopeless, doomed and ultimately uninterested in most things. And I don't know if you realize this but with every major career there are sooo many specializations. Taking animation for example:-3d modeler that sculpts the models
-rigger that puts the bones into the models that allow the animators to animate realistically
-drawing for 2d animation/landscape art/painting
-animator - the puppet master at making things come to life
-user interface designer - in gaming mostly designing interfaces/menus
-story boarding artist
-writing
-voice acting
-special effects / particle systems dealing with explosions, manipulation, etc.
-lighting scenes
-camera operating
and more!
Most of those are specialization careers or jobs that individual people have mastered and work together to produce the whole animation, for example.
Now relating to your questions about doing art on things you like vs. having to do art for someone else. Sure, in some careers you will be required to do what the boss wants you to do. Even today in web design I don't have 100% creative freedom. BUT, I do have the skills to make a website for myself, I can use my own creative spin on things and even start a business doing but I have zero passion for it. With gaming and animation I could, for instance, create my own video games in my spare time and maybe market them/sell them (which is my current goal)... I could join teams for games/projects that most interest me and my ideas... I could make my own animated series and bring in fans through social media, etc. etc. But I find, and even my therapist says... "stop thinking about the end goal" just think about how much you enjoy it and want to learn, eventually the rest will follow.
But I think for you, it's all about figuring out what things interest you on a daily basis without forcing yourself to do them, and narrowing down what aspects of that very thing really draws you to it. Even things that in the back of your mind say "I wish I could learn to do that". If that is art... just remember that of course you won't make money off of it right now but when you get skill there are endless possibilities depending on where you'd like to go with it: animating is a very well rewarding career, web design is also very very in-demand, game design, character design, film effects, independent artist, crafter, etc. etc. Art also deals heavily with perspective and creativity so there are an unlimited number of directions you could go with art.
Also, one point from the book that really resonated with me was that you should think about what things throughout your life you really wanted to better understand and get better at. Even today, something that you really want to understand and you look at it through a child sense of wonderment
