A Better Alex, stage 2: ASC Journal

[apollolux]

I'm breaking my format to post something that just happened:

During reading this post by Chopp to CatMan about the magnets I noticed his signature and started having goosebumps. Since I recognized it as the last lines of the poem Invictus by Henley I decided to reread it. While reading it I felt the full-body tingle and broke down into tears and sobs. Now I need to elaborate to you why and document it for myself just in case I ever forget.

I'm 30 years old right now and went through a lot of financial and educational hardship as a child. My mother denied me educational opportunities left and right, including skipping grades, even though I was considered "gifted." When I was 8 or 9 an old friend of mine told me about an organization local to NYC, Prep for Prep, which was exactly what I was looking for, so when I was nine I fought my mother tooth and nail to be allowed to apply for and participate in this program. Even though I was "gifted" I struggled through the 14 months of this program's accelerated education, including a moment very early on when I was given my first ever essay-writing assignment and stayed up until 3am feeling it was "too hard" and crying, wanting to quit, but eventually met the requirements and graduated from the "Placement" portion of the program.

During the second summer (the last 2 months of the 14) students are enrolled in a class called "Invictus," essentially an intro to ethics class. The class began and ended with reading the poem.

I often credit the massive amount of help Prep for Prep as an organization (especially specific people within it) has given me over the years as to why I ever had success in the first place. I'm crying again as I'm about to write this realization: I'm still alive today and still persevere despite overwhelming odds against me because, in some way I clearly have forgotten, I've internalized "Invictus" at a very young age.

I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.