02-27-2015, 11:34 AM
Stage 1 Day 20
Bit of a roller coaster ride emotionally these last few days. The heartbroken feeling reached a climax yesterday when I thought I was just about to burst into tears in front of my workmates. That would have been horrendously embarrassing! They were laughing and bantering (and it was all good humored) and the more they went on the more upset it made me. I managed to stop myself and get to the toilet as nonchalantly as I could. I just sat on the toilet with my face in my hands trying to get sane again because the feelings were irrational and I couldn't understand why I felt like my heart was broken. I'm working with a great bunch of people, the job is 99% less stressful than my last and I've got more time and money yet I felt like chucking it all up and resigning..it just didn't make sense.
I was also feeling resentful of Shannon and his subs in general because of the negative feelings they bring to the surface. But as with AM I really believe it's part of the process to deal with these emotions, however strong and plough through.
Now today I'm feeling fine and talkative. There was a little get to together for one of the people leaving and I had no issues or emotions, felt great, chatted and everything fine
Maybe the emotions will surface again but hopefully less intense which seems to be the pattern with subs and me.
Bit of a roller coaster ride emotionally these last few days. The heartbroken feeling reached a climax yesterday when I thought I was just about to burst into tears in front of my workmates. That would have been horrendously embarrassing! They were laughing and bantering (and it was all good humored) and the more they went on the more upset it made me. I managed to stop myself and get to the toilet as nonchalantly as I could. I just sat on the toilet with my face in my hands trying to get sane again because the feelings were irrational and I couldn't understand why I felt like my heart was broken. I'm working with a great bunch of people, the job is 99% less stressful than my last and I've got more time and money yet I felt like chucking it all up and resigning..it just didn't make sense.
I was also feeling resentful of Shannon and his subs in general because of the negative feelings they bring to the surface. But as with AM I really believe it's part of the process to deal with these emotions, however strong and plough through.
Now today I'm feeling fine and talkative. There was a little get to together for one of the people leaving and I had no issues or emotions, felt great, chatted and everything fine
Maybe the emotions will surface again but hopefully less intense which seems to be the pattern with subs and me.
