01-25-2015, 08:07 AM
Stage 5, day 24. So, felt like posting something again. These 2 months off the forum have been quite relaxed. I stopped all types of clearing and everything and just let the sub play while thinking about it as little as possible. Then sometime last week I took a peed here b/c I was curious about how you guys are doing and my mind's been more or less wrapped up in subliminal-related thoughts ever since :D So I don't plan on posting too much anymore, because I want to keep my head as clear of this stuff as I can. To keep myself from interfering with it.
Stage 4 was basically nothing. Didn't notice anything, didn't feel different in any way. Listened to the sub a lot. Nothing overt about stage 5 either, except I was getting quite pissed of how girls are about things. Mostly social conditioning-related stuff and some shit men they expected men to put up with. I thinks its lessened a bit now, though.
What I've been noticing in the last month(s?):
+Attitude to sex is very open. Not afraid to go physical or sexual and I haven't had any bad reactions to it. This can have a lot of other sources as well, e.g. blackdragon's book, sex 3.0 and others.
+Honesty increased. Has to do with the above. Its like I know what I like and how I think about things and I feel good about saying it out loud in a normal, friendly, manner, even if I think the other person will judge me for it. I've been getting a lot of respect for this lately from some women I know.
-Sex drive has been low. In fact, I've been a bit worried about it lately. Though it does light up when necessary. I was hoping to be able to have more sex per week, but that has not happened.
-Still can't get myself to approach nearly as easily as I'd like to. It just always seems difficult. Though when I see a *really* hot girl (my type), I'm almost guaranteed to talk to her at some point. Much harder to approach less-than-stunners.
+/- Sex isn't really a top priority anymore. I enjoy it, and I feel restricted b/c I still don't have too many options with it, but in a way I just enjoy connecting more than "sex", even if it is during "sex". Sex has been really good by the way.
-Stamina and performance have not increased as expected. I have been doing exercises, practicing and testing, and there is progress. But I still have to be pretty careful to slow down and not get tunnel vision. Btw, I've noticed something clearly: if I think "porn" I'll come very quickly, if I think "love/appreciation" the buildup starts to release. In practice, I'm alternating between the two.
*/- I have an extremely low tolerance for any bs from girls, which is good, but also my persistance is really really low, which is bad.
I started meditating every day. I use the Headspace app, which is great for me. This time it has really helped me notice some straining and resisting that I guess I'm doing out of habit and anxiety when I'm out, and then I kind of make fun of myself for it. For trying to be so "alpha" (body language), or for being anxious, when both are so stupid and useless reactions. I'm already alpha, I don't need to try. Seems that's a good way for me to let go and then I'm happy and stuff flows, I'm feeling like a fortress. I guess for the first time, now I can *really* say that I got a lot of attention when I was out clubbing yesterday, almost sober. Two clear accounts of girls pushing their girlfriend to dance beside me, girls really noticing me in weirdly obvious way and some other stuff. I've also been running into some exes that seem way into me. This girl I haven't seen in... 11 years or so said she was just thinking how I've been doing the other day, whaaat?!?! lol Anyway, hope this continues. I have been going out once a week and drinking a bit, but now I'm shifting back to twice a week and sober. Did it this weekend and the learning aspect of it is much better. And I feel so happy after, and if, I get the momentum going when I'm sober :) Clearer, less tired.
IDK, its pretty hard not to think pstec messed with the program in the earlier stages. Because stuff like increased sex drive and OAA didn't stick properly. There were some short periods where I seemed to get attention, but then it died down. Could also be that I was too involved in the process and a whole host of other reasons, who knows. Wonder if it affected my run of AM6 as well (maybe from stage 5 or 6, don't remember).
A little over a month remaining.. I'll rerun either AM or SM next. I think I have a much better understanding of what AM actually represents now than I did when I was running it - what e.g. self-validation and supplying your own love feels like and how its beneficial. That stuff, including EPRHA, is definitely something I feel will really stabilize and enable me. But then now, especially if I'm starting to see some results with SM, I think it could be good to rerun it now, back-to-back. I think Shannon told someone (Sarge) to try running AM back-to-back to keep the momentum going and not stop just when things start happening. Makes sense. Also, I remember being VERY bored with AM6 the last time b/c nothing was happening for months. I remember feeling better about it sometime after stage 4 or so. Also #2, the summers here are great, but these winters suck balls with how dark and antisocial it is all the time, so I'd much prefer running SM during the summer than winter.
Anyhow, that's my overly long update. adam - Not cheating on my main Lioness, because its allowed ;) Just have to wear a rubber (which I would anyway)
Stage 4 was basically nothing. Didn't notice anything, didn't feel different in any way. Listened to the sub a lot. Nothing overt about stage 5 either, except I was getting quite pissed of how girls are about things. Mostly social conditioning-related stuff and some shit men they expected men to put up with. I thinks its lessened a bit now, though.
What I've been noticing in the last month(s?):
+Attitude to sex is very open. Not afraid to go physical or sexual and I haven't had any bad reactions to it. This can have a lot of other sources as well, e.g. blackdragon's book, sex 3.0 and others.
+Honesty increased. Has to do with the above. Its like I know what I like and how I think about things and I feel good about saying it out loud in a normal, friendly, manner, even if I think the other person will judge me for it. I've been getting a lot of respect for this lately from some women I know.
-Sex drive has been low. In fact, I've been a bit worried about it lately. Though it does light up when necessary. I was hoping to be able to have more sex per week, but that has not happened.
-Still can't get myself to approach nearly as easily as I'd like to. It just always seems difficult. Though when I see a *really* hot girl (my type), I'm almost guaranteed to talk to her at some point. Much harder to approach less-than-stunners.
+/- Sex isn't really a top priority anymore. I enjoy it, and I feel restricted b/c I still don't have too many options with it, but in a way I just enjoy connecting more than "sex", even if it is during "sex". Sex has been really good by the way.
-Stamina and performance have not increased as expected. I have been doing exercises, practicing and testing, and there is progress. But I still have to be pretty careful to slow down and not get tunnel vision. Btw, I've noticed something clearly: if I think "porn" I'll come very quickly, if I think "love/appreciation" the buildup starts to release. In practice, I'm alternating between the two.
*/- I have an extremely low tolerance for any bs from girls, which is good, but also my persistance is really really low, which is bad.
I started meditating every day. I use the Headspace app, which is great for me. This time it has really helped me notice some straining and resisting that I guess I'm doing out of habit and anxiety when I'm out, and then I kind of make fun of myself for it. For trying to be so "alpha" (body language), or for being anxious, when both are so stupid and useless reactions. I'm already alpha, I don't need to try. Seems that's a good way for me to let go and then I'm happy and stuff flows, I'm feeling like a fortress. I guess for the first time, now I can *really* say that I got a lot of attention when I was out clubbing yesterday, almost sober. Two clear accounts of girls pushing their girlfriend to dance beside me, girls really noticing me in weirdly obvious way and some other stuff. I've also been running into some exes that seem way into me. This girl I haven't seen in... 11 years or so said she was just thinking how I've been doing the other day, whaaat?!?! lol Anyway, hope this continues. I have been going out once a week and drinking a bit, but now I'm shifting back to twice a week and sober. Did it this weekend and the learning aspect of it is much better. And I feel so happy after, and if, I get the momentum going when I'm sober :) Clearer, less tired.
IDK, its pretty hard not to think pstec messed with the program in the earlier stages. Because stuff like increased sex drive and OAA didn't stick properly. There were some short periods where I seemed to get attention, but then it died down. Could also be that I was too involved in the process and a whole host of other reasons, who knows. Wonder if it affected my run of AM6 as well (maybe from stage 5 or 6, don't remember).
A little over a month remaining.. I'll rerun either AM or SM next. I think I have a much better understanding of what AM actually represents now than I did when I was running it - what e.g. self-validation and supplying your own love feels like and how its beneficial. That stuff, including EPRHA, is definitely something I feel will really stabilize and enable me. But then now, especially if I'm starting to see some results with SM, I think it could be good to rerun it now, back-to-back. I think Shannon told someone (Sarge) to try running AM back-to-back to keep the momentum going and not stop just when things start happening. Makes sense. Also, I remember being VERY bored with AM6 the last time b/c nothing was happening for months. I remember feeling better about it sometime after stage 4 or so. Also #2, the summers here are great, but these winters suck balls with how dark and antisocial it is all the time, so I'd much prefer running SM during the summer than winter.
Anyhow, that's my overly long update. adam - Not cheating on my main Lioness, because its allowed ;) Just have to wear a rubber (which I would anyway)
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
