12-27-2014, 11:57 AM
Stage 1 Day 15
Gotta love the Walking Zen. I've walked over 10k today and for most of this time I felt like I was in almost like a dream state, not remembering afterwards exactly what I was thinking about (I mean details, overview I know). After I was done I was surprised I was walking for almost 2 hours, it felt like 30 minutes. It's not good methods for revelations, but it's wonderful to sort your thoughts and just let the thoughts flow. I do this by dialog between myself-interviewee (my conscious in principle) and imaginary interviewer (my subconscious). The only problem with this method is that for it to work streets must be completely empty. I don't care about cars or buildings, but people seems to phase me out of the meditation. For now it's not a problem, I have a lot of quiet, long streets near me parents', but once I come back to my own city it will be a problem. I'll either will learn to disregard people or start another meditation practice.
I think I got from walking today is something most people doing AM notice - less neediness. It's only that I wouldn't call it that. I want to have girlfriends as much I wanted before AM, even before LTU. It's that I want it now on my terms. I feel I would not let myself be manipulated and used. I would not also be with someone just for the same of it (in case some girl throws herself at me). I want to be with someone only on one condition - that it will increase my happiness. And for that I need someone special (what I mean by special in definition of my own) and someone who will not use and abuse me. I don't think I thought like that a month ago.
So here you go, I report that first symptom AM is working, decreased neediness, is on and kicking. I only wish anti-procrastination measures were on as well. :/
Gotta love the Walking Zen. I've walked over 10k today and for most of this time I felt like I was in almost like a dream state, not remembering afterwards exactly what I was thinking about (I mean details, overview I know). After I was done I was surprised I was walking for almost 2 hours, it felt like 30 minutes. It's not good methods for revelations, but it's wonderful to sort your thoughts and just let the thoughts flow. I do this by dialog between myself-interviewee (my conscious in principle) and imaginary interviewer (my subconscious). The only problem with this method is that for it to work streets must be completely empty. I don't care about cars or buildings, but people seems to phase me out of the meditation. For now it's not a problem, I have a lot of quiet, long streets near me parents', but once I come back to my own city it will be a problem. I'll either will learn to disregard people or start another meditation practice.
I think I got from walking today is something most people doing AM notice - less neediness. It's only that I wouldn't call it that. I want to have girlfriends as much I wanted before AM, even before LTU. It's that I want it now on my terms. I feel I would not let myself be manipulated and used. I would not also be with someone just for the same of it (in case some girl throws herself at me). I want to be with someone only on one condition - that it will increase my happiness. And for that I need someone special (what I mean by special in definition of my own) and someone who will not use and abuse me. I don't think I thought like that a month ago.
So here you go, I report that first symptom AM is working, decreased neediness, is on and kicking. I only wish anti-procrastination measures were on as well. :/
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
