12-20-2014, 10:05 AM
Stage 5 Day 20
Towards the end of stage 4 and so far in stage 5 I have become very relaxed and easy going, confident, flirty and with a real sense of not caring about what other people think. I really enjoy being me and going about things in my own way and time. I have developed a real warm personality and find communicating with people very much easier.
I can maintain eye contact, turn conversations about so people open up to me more and come away sensing I've made a very positive impression. People greet me with a smile now! The main theme so far though has been the higher sex drive and easy erections
The downside is that I'm really feeling the need to better myself in the world and have more respect and money. My salary isn't bad but I have to work so hard for it and I'm starting to really resent it. At my age I should have more choice and leisure time and I have neither
I am exploring various online money businesses and applying for promotional or more local jobs to save on travel costs.
I still have the odd fear spell that is very strong and makes me want to just hide away from everything and everyone and there is some anxiety about making progress with the sub but it doesn't last long now but I plough through and it soon goes leaving a wonderful positive change. My dreams have become more vivid. One that I did remember however was this woman in a restaurant (I think she was a kitchen hand) commented that I had this lovely brightness about me which she found so beautiful!
Looking back to my first entry in this journal I find it hard to identify with that person anymore. I've moved on so much internally and my outlook on life is sooo much more positive than it was. I have eliminated all the negative self talk, self hating, age hang up crap and the all round negative "delusions" that I suffered from. It's also a great testament to the Naturaliser how easily and naturally these changes have come about. I am so much more confident and assertive than I have ever been in my life and this is attracting a lot of positive vibes to me from people I interact with.
It's been a feature of AM that the harder the resistance proves the greater is the change that comes after the resistance subsides.
Another positive aspect is my sex drive is much higher but controllable. In stage one I had a manic period of very high sexual desire which has balanced out to be a general attribute rather than this "omg I need sex badly" thing. As a side effect the blood flow to the "Captain" has increased generally and leaves me with the ability to get easy potent erections. I also believe I had a subconscious fear of sex that I would actively avoid it! (omg)
I can also include my appetite for junk food when that went down in stage 1. It eased off and I found myself going back to bad habits but since stage 5 the desire to eat crap has been hit hard and I no longer even feel tempted to buy the stuff in the first place. My appetite seems to have shrunk because I've had enough after a meal and don't want to chomp away on cakes and bicuits like I used to.
Stage 1 brought a lot of quick positive changes which may have been due to its 'clearing out' or 'normalising' role. I remember that when I was much younger (schoolboy / teenager) I used to be very cheeky and outspoken and often ended up getting beaten up or threatened with violence. After this I went the opposite way and became scared of people in general and gave them sooo much credit and status that I was always (in my mind anyway) a lesser being who should listen to everyone else and not try to do anything for myself without taking advice. Stage 1 definately shifted that mindeset and the rest of the stages have dissolved it away more and more but have tempered the initial zeal with which I suffered with the outspokeness in those early years! This was why stage 1 had such an effect on me because it lifted a lot of blocks.
I've also noticed that since October I have taken loads of selfies in various poses for some reason?
In January I will be starting Stage 6 and then WM in February. Although I earlier debated about whether to do WM or an AYP I've decided that the additional qualities in WM are something I really would like and need then I can do the AYP. I will do WM for the 6 months then perhaps a few months of NSFM followed by another run of AM late next year.
I might just finish AM and update at the end unless something extraordinary happens!
Feel free to comment
Towards the end of stage 4 and so far in stage 5 I have become very relaxed and easy going, confident, flirty and with a real sense of not caring about what other people think. I really enjoy being me and going about things in my own way and time. I have developed a real warm personality and find communicating with people very much easier.
I can maintain eye contact, turn conversations about so people open up to me more and come away sensing I've made a very positive impression. People greet me with a smile now! The main theme so far though has been the higher sex drive and easy erections
The downside is that I'm really feeling the need to better myself in the world and have more respect and money. My salary isn't bad but I have to work so hard for it and I'm starting to really resent it. At my age I should have more choice and leisure time and I have neither
I am exploring various online money businesses and applying for promotional or more local jobs to save on travel costs.I still have the odd fear spell that is very strong and makes me want to just hide away from everything and everyone and there is some anxiety about making progress with the sub but it doesn't last long now but I plough through and it soon goes leaving a wonderful positive change. My dreams have become more vivid. One that I did remember however was this woman in a restaurant (I think she was a kitchen hand) commented that I had this lovely brightness about me which she found so beautiful!
Looking back to my first entry in this journal I find it hard to identify with that person anymore. I've moved on so much internally and my outlook on life is sooo much more positive than it was. I have eliminated all the negative self talk, self hating, age hang up crap and the all round negative "delusions" that I suffered from. It's also a great testament to the Naturaliser how easily and naturally these changes have come about. I am so much more confident and assertive than I have ever been in my life and this is attracting a lot of positive vibes to me from people I interact with.
It's been a feature of AM that the harder the resistance proves the greater is the change that comes after the resistance subsides.
Another positive aspect is my sex drive is much higher but controllable. In stage one I had a manic period of very high sexual desire which has balanced out to be a general attribute rather than this "omg I need sex badly" thing. As a side effect the blood flow to the "Captain" has increased generally and leaves me with the ability to get easy potent erections. I also believe I had a subconscious fear of sex that I would actively avoid it! (omg
)I can also include my appetite for junk food when that went down in stage 1. It eased off and I found myself going back to bad habits but since stage 5 the desire to eat crap has been hit hard and I no longer even feel tempted to buy the stuff in the first place. My appetite seems to have shrunk because I've had enough after a meal and don't want to chomp away on cakes and bicuits like I used to.
Stage 1 brought a lot of quick positive changes which may have been due to its 'clearing out' or 'normalising' role. I remember that when I was much younger (schoolboy / teenager) I used to be very cheeky and outspoken and often ended up getting beaten up or threatened with violence. After this I went the opposite way and became scared of people in general and gave them sooo much credit and status that I was always (in my mind anyway) a lesser being who should listen to everyone else and not try to do anything for myself without taking advice. Stage 1 definately shifted that mindeset and the rest of the stages have dissolved it away more and more but have tempered the initial zeal with which I suffered with the outspokeness in those early years! This was why stage 1 had such an effect on me because it lifted a lot of blocks.
I've also noticed that since October I have taken loads of selfies in various poses for some reason?
In January I will be starting Stage 6 and then WM in February. Although I earlier debated about whether to do WM or an AYP I've decided that the additional qualities in WM are something I really would like and need then I can do the AYP. I will do WM for the 6 months then perhaps a few months of NSFM followed by another run of AM late next year.
I might just finish AM and update at the end unless something extraordinary happens!
Feel free to comment
