Stage 3, Day 6. So I did go out again yesterday, but probably shouldn't have. I wasn't feeling too good because of the drinking and lack of sleep. Tried to have a few drinks again to take that off, but overall there wasn't much enthusiasm to anything. And the places I went to were too full, it was just people bumping into each other from every direction. There were some short occasions I felt the good vibes, like when I went to stand at the edge of the dance floor and soon had 2 girls backing into me from a meter away. I did some advances but I had no drive-though motivation. Eventually I noticed that someone pretty cute was dancing alone in front of me, so I went with that and danced & grinded with her for the rest of the night. She did have some friends who joined us a bit later. Again, me and the girl didn't speak a word to each other for about one and a half hours until the bar closed down.. Seems I'm really getting lazy with talking, lol. In the end, she was kinda cute but not really my type.. the D wanted to get wet, so I tried to make myself more exited, but it was no use. Didn't feel good about pushing it, so I didn't. I know it was fun for both of us, but I feel a bit dirty because it wasn't as "honest" as usually.
Sent girl #1 from the previous post a friend request and she msgd me a couple hours later, repeating how sorry she was for being so messed up, drunk and acting stupidly. Not sure what she meant exactly, but I replied that if one isn't making any mistakes, its because they're being too secure with their life. Told her that I fell in love with her from the 1st second, that it'd be absolutely great to see her again in a more sober setting, and to contact me if she wants to. I now remember she had this not-so-impressive guy always around her at the end of the night, maybe a bf. Anyway, moving on. Girl #2 was feeling too tired to go out yesterday, but we'll be in touch.
I know that drinking (alcohol & caffeine) is just a sad and stupid excuse for being too afraid to fail. I thought if I go out alone I'll allow myself to drink a bit more, but I should drop that already. It makes it harder to feel the tension, its expensive and leads to these annoying half-hangovers where I'm not inspired anymore. Maybe the caffeine drains my adrenalin too, idk. I'd want to work on this overwhelmed feeling I had at the club a few times, but I'm not feeling my feelings well enough to do it properly atm. Date night today.
Sent girl #1 from the previous post a friend request and she msgd me a couple hours later, repeating how sorry she was for being so messed up, drunk and acting stupidly. Not sure what she meant exactly, but I replied that if one isn't making any mistakes, its because they're being too secure with their life. Told her that I fell in love with her from the 1st second, that it'd be absolutely great to see her again in a more sober setting, and to contact me if she wants to. I now remember she had this not-so-impressive guy always around her at the end of the night, maybe a bf. Anyway, moving on. Girl #2 was feeling too tired to go out yesterday, but we'll be in touch.
I know that drinking (alcohol & caffeine) is just a sad and stupid excuse for being too afraid to fail. I thought if I go out alone I'll allow myself to drink a bit more, but I should drop that already. It makes it harder to feel the tension, its expensive and leads to these annoying half-hangovers where I'm not inspired anymore. Maybe the caffeine drains my adrenalin too, idk. I'd want to work on this overwhelmed feeling I had at the club a few times, but I'm not feeling my feelings well enough to do it properly atm. Date night today.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
