10-21-2014, 10:18 PM
Stage 5, Day 21
Just wanted to jolt down a few things that have been on my mind of late. After waking up this morning I had calmed down a bit and wasn't agitated anymore by the events of yesterday. Definitely will be distancing and eventually staying away from my female acquaintance from now on. I can't stand when certain females have that "tantrum" and then think they've won a argument. Usually i just disengage from the conversation after that, let them think what they want and just ignore and walk away from said female afterwards. I find to keep arguing to be just a waste of my time and energy. I have noticed this reaction a lot in general since being on AM6. I simply just walk away from situations or people I don't like. Before, I would have been afraid to do that because I feared being alone and was seeking approval too much. This led to me being mistreated and then returning to talk to such person even though I didn't deserve such treatment. Now since being on AM6, especially stage 5, I don't give a crap about leaving people that I think are bad for me.
I'm also realizing just how weak a lot of the people I use to acquaint myself with were. Just to clarify, I would make a difference between a weak person who wants to change and a weak person who doesn't want to or even realize he needs to. I wanted to become a better person before I started alpha and realized that I wasn't who or where I wanted to be in life. I would put my former "friends" in the later category of weak. Many of them didn't want to examine there own lives, become better people, or work on any of their weaknesses. For example, my former female acquaintance above spent 4 years studying history (with no back up employable minor) at a private university and graduated only to start working minimum wage at a clothing store. As of right now she is still living with her mother and has no plans for the future. I've noticed with her and a lot of the people I use to associate with is that they drown themselves in entertainment (Movies, TV, video games,etc) and that is pretty much the only thing they talk about. I sometimes feel like people do that as a way to escape having to deal with reality or themselves in the same way a alcoholic relies on liquor as a form of escape sometimes. What do you guys think?
As a side note, I feel like Stage 5 has worked the most so far on shame and guilt. There have been other major benefits as well, that I have mentioned in other posts, but those are the two that I feel have been demolished in this stage. I feel so much more worthy and deserving of having the best in this life. Its interesting, in Stage 4 I feel like neediness and fear were destroyed. Now in stage 5 its shame and guilt, mainly in association with having the best things for myself.
Lastly, I have been thinking more about my future sub use. Still plan on doing WM as planned (unless finances prevent such a thing), though there is one thing that has come to my attention that might make me want to reconsider doing SM3 after WM2. I've noticed over the coarse of AM6 that whenever i'm in a sexual mood its like I become 2x more alpha for some reason. I don't know why but its like I switch just goes off in my head and I become a lot more dominant. I wonder if anyone else has experience this while on AM? If I remember correctly, in one of Geodude's post he mentioned something about his Mind being totally calm and chilled but his body being in a very sexual state while on SM3. I'm wondering if being in this constant state (knowing how it increases my alphaness) might help with my self-development if I run SM3 after WM2. On the other side though, as I mention many times before, Most women kinda of bore me and don't interest me nowadays and I feel like nothing short of a women from a AYP sub would hold my attention. Decisions, Decisions =__='''
Just wanted to jolt down a few things that have been on my mind of late. After waking up this morning I had calmed down a bit and wasn't agitated anymore by the events of yesterday. Definitely will be distancing and eventually staying away from my female acquaintance from now on. I can't stand when certain females have that "tantrum" and then think they've won a argument. Usually i just disengage from the conversation after that, let them think what they want and just ignore and walk away from said female afterwards. I find to keep arguing to be just a waste of my time and energy. I have noticed this reaction a lot in general since being on AM6. I simply just walk away from situations or people I don't like. Before, I would have been afraid to do that because I feared being alone and was seeking approval too much. This led to me being mistreated and then returning to talk to such person even though I didn't deserve such treatment. Now since being on AM6, especially stage 5, I don't give a crap about leaving people that I think are bad for me.
I'm also realizing just how weak a lot of the people I use to acquaint myself with were. Just to clarify, I would make a difference between a weak person who wants to change and a weak person who doesn't want to or even realize he needs to. I wanted to become a better person before I started alpha and realized that I wasn't who or where I wanted to be in life. I would put my former "friends" in the later category of weak. Many of them didn't want to examine there own lives, become better people, or work on any of their weaknesses. For example, my former female acquaintance above spent 4 years studying history (with no back up employable minor) at a private university and graduated only to start working minimum wage at a clothing store. As of right now she is still living with her mother and has no plans for the future. I've noticed with her and a lot of the people I use to associate with is that they drown themselves in entertainment (Movies, TV, video games,etc) and that is pretty much the only thing they talk about. I sometimes feel like people do that as a way to escape having to deal with reality or themselves in the same way a alcoholic relies on liquor as a form of escape sometimes. What do you guys think?
As a side note, I feel like Stage 5 has worked the most so far on shame and guilt. There have been other major benefits as well, that I have mentioned in other posts, but those are the two that I feel have been demolished in this stage. I feel so much more worthy and deserving of having the best in this life. Its interesting, in Stage 4 I feel like neediness and fear were destroyed. Now in stage 5 its shame and guilt, mainly in association with having the best things for myself.
Lastly, I have been thinking more about my future sub use. Still plan on doing WM as planned (unless finances prevent such a thing), though there is one thing that has come to my attention that might make me want to reconsider doing SM3 after WM2. I've noticed over the coarse of AM6 that whenever i'm in a sexual mood its like I become 2x more alpha for some reason. I don't know why but its like I switch just goes off in my head and I become a lot more dominant. I wonder if anyone else has experience this while on AM? If I remember correctly, in one of Geodude's post he mentioned something about his Mind being totally calm and chilled but his body being in a very sexual state while on SM3. I'm wondering if being in this constant state (knowing how it increases my alphaness) might help with my self-development if I run SM3 after WM2. On the other side though, as I mention many times before, Most women kinda of bore me and don't interest me nowadays and I feel like nothing short of a women from a AYP sub would hold my attention. Decisions, Decisions =__='''
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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