08-28-2023, 07:33 AM
Well, back with a journal here. I had taken a break for a while to try out some medication, etc for some PTSD symptoms I was still having. Unfortunately both efforts didn't go that well and the medication made my symptoms even worst and one particular medication had withdrawal symptoms which was hell to deal with. Given this experience I just said I'm not trying medication for non physical issues again. I had already seen that OGSF v2 was being worked on and was going to run it. I'm actually dedicated to running it for the full 6 months and sticking to using it as instructed.
So given the 6 month usage period I should only be done around February 24th 2024. I might even go for an entire year if I have to unless something more unless something more useful and more powerful comes out after that date. I just don't want to have GSF anymore at all if possible. These things have just had so much of a strangle hold on my life and I am done with them. Yes, over the years I have gotten much better some aspects but I think I just need to get rid of all this already so I can move on and live my life. I think I am on my third day so far. I have noticed some different things here and there. I will randomly get these feelings and desires at times. Sometimes I will get this feeling as if I'm free from things and I can really be done with all this then it will go away for a while. Just a few moments ago I had this urge to want to be around people and socialize. This is somewhat big because when I was younger I was very extroverted. It was only when I got to junior high and later I started isolating myself due to fear, guilt and shame. So I think the longer I go running this sub the more longer those states will become normal.
As a side note I will have to do this while most likely being in China again for the majority of the run. I'm planning on going back there to work while I finish my degree along with maybe even doing my masters degree in AI while there. Reason being that unfortunately the tech market has kind of tanked at the moment. Basically a lot of jobs have been slashed and on top of that companies rather have senior level developers now instead of junior level developers. So even if I finished my degree in this current market I would have a horrible time finding a job at the moment. So given this I will just go back to China, finish this degree and maybe even do my masters degree then look for work. The good news is after September I will only have about 7 classes left to complete for my current 2nd bachelors degree. I think in the end this might be better for me running the sub as well. I found when I was in China my stress levels were way less and I felt a lot more peaceful than being in the United states. So I think being in a totally different environment while I make this transformation might be better. I think I might pick up Chinese while I am there as well as that might be a good career decision later on.
I do think I was one of those people who got stuck on the original to a degree as well but given feelings I'm getting on version 2 I think this might be at the right level of power for me to really breakthrough on this. Also I do think that even though my environment changed somewhat it wasn't enough to not slow down my progress. I do think in the end this might be what I need as long as I stay dedicated which given that you only need to listen for 40 minutes 6 days at a time it should be easy enough. One last thing I noticed was that I do get these urges to want to really change in regards to OGSF since I have started listening to it. I take that as a good sign frankly. Anyway, I will start updating this occasionally so people can stay up to date.
So given the 6 month usage period I should only be done around February 24th 2024. I might even go for an entire year if I have to unless something more unless something more useful and more powerful comes out after that date. I just don't want to have GSF anymore at all if possible. These things have just had so much of a strangle hold on my life and I am done with them. Yes, over the years I have gotten much better some aspects but I think I just need to get rid of all this already so I can move on and live my life. I think I am on my third day so far. I have noticed some different things here and there. I will randomly get these feelings and desires at times. Sometimes I will get this feeling as if I'm free from things and I can really be done with all this then it will go away for a while. Just a few moments ago I had this urge to want to be around people and socialize. This is somewhat big because when I was younger I was very extroverted. It was only when I got to junior high and later I started isolating myself due to fear, guilt and shame. So I think the longer I go running this sub the more longer those states will become normal.
As a side note I will have to do this while most likely being in China again for the majority of the run. I'm planning on going back there to work while I finish my degree along with maybe even doing my masters degree in AI while there. Reason being that unfortunately the tech market has kind of tanked at the moment. Basically a lot of jobs have been slashed and on top of that companies rather have senior level developers now instead of junior level developers. So even if I finished my degree in this current market I would have a horrible time finding a job at the moment. So given this I will just go back to China, finish this degree and maybe even do my masters degree then look for work. The good news is after September I will only have about 7 classes left to complete for my current 2nd bachelors degree. I think in the end this might be better for me running the sub as well. I found when I was in China my stress levels were way less and I felt a lot more peaceful than being in the United states. So I think being in a totally different environment while I make this transformation might be better. I think I might pick up Chinese while I am there as well as that might be a good career decision later on.
I do think I was one of those people who got stuck on the original to a degree as well but given feelings I'm getting on version 2 I think this might be at the right level of power for me to really breakthrough on this. Also I do think that even though my environment changed somewhat it wasn't enough to not slow down my progress. I do think in the end this might be what I need as long as I stay dedicated which given that you only need to listen for 40 minutes 6 days at a time it should be easy enough. One last thing I noticed was that I do get these urges to want to really change in regards to OGSF since I have started listening to it. I take that as a good sign frankly. Anyway, I will start updating this occasionally so people can stay up to date.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche