Transcendental Sith Lord's UH / MLS Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Will just make this short. So far I think this is really the sub I should be running at the moment and plan on running it a few months. Just really want any toxic nonsense out of my head at this point. I do feel like with this sub i can actually finally accomplish that. I have noticed quite a few negative things gone already actually. Negative thinking is basically gone for the most part and I'm actually not running away from things. I know that last part because i am really taking responsibility for my actions in the past and even now. This also enabled me to finally get rid of a lot of anger, hate, and rage that was able to hide itself from previous subs because I was able to stop using excuses to keep it around and be honest with myself that it was holding me back and doing damage to me instead of helping me. Also in the end those things just weren't logical to hold on to anymore. 

I am noticing something of an attempt at sabotage possibly because I don't think its my internet. I tried to do the streaming of the sub. The first 2 to 3 times it was fine but then I noticed yesterday it only got over one minute in then just suddenly paused itself. Just a few minutes ago I tried playing again then when I checked on it about 40 minutes later it had stopped about 2 minutes in. Now could it be my internet? its a possibility but I doubt it. I have cable internet (300 mbps) and it hasn't been acting up much lately. No I think somehow this is mental sabotage. So despite me not wanting to do it till later i have no choice but to buy the whole sub and play it on a player on my computer because the online streaming thing is not working out so well for me and with me only getting a little bit of the sub each time it is probably going to start messing up with my results. However if it is sabotage that probably is the main goal. The good news is if it is that means the sub is at the point where if I listen to it correctly my subconscious can't even resist it or any aspects of it anymore I think.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, some thing really amazing happened recently. I know I am on the right path now. Its interesting because I'm noticing i'm getting this increased in effects when i go on my break from the sub then a few days before i return to it i start noticing these increased affects. Basically a kind of TID right before I head back to using it again for another round. Could be bloom but I don't think so.

Its like I go into this alternative state where I'm really in the moment and start making realizations. Before the last time i started using, a few days before, I had been thinking of how part of me is still thinking like a child but this does not reflect reality. I am already clearly an adult and yet part of me wants to keep thinking in this child like manner regarding fear, etc. That was one of the first realizations.

A few hours before I was to go back to running the sub stuff really kicked off. I gave the parts of me that were cooperating full permission to do whatever it took to get the part of me not cooperating to start cooperating. Its interesting where my mind went to after all that. One of the things that was brought up was that I was believing things that really didn't reflect reality. This then led to a big realization by the part not cooperating. That the future I want is not the danger to me its the future that I am living now (living in fear, stagnation, and not being financially stable) is the one that is dangerous. It hasn't been keeping me from danger, it has been leading me to it with this current course. It was at that moment I felt a very intense fear I had not felt before consciously. For about a minute and half its like my mind was just in this loop of just feeling intense fear. Not towards what i wanted from these subs but from the current reality I was in. It had finally accepted this reality was the one that is dangerous for me, not the one the subs are trying to get me to accept.

When I ran the sub on Sunday i finally found out a major cause of all this resistance for all these years. I will try to explain this as best I can. It was all rooted in self hatred and self loathing. Essentially since I was so neglected at a early age it had come to these beliefs regarding my self worth and even hatred toward myself. Since that it seemed like this part of my subconscious had basically shut itself off in a way from other parts of the subconscious though it still influenced things greatly. Since i wasn't worth shit, deserving of love, etc this part hated itself and the other parts. It practice in a way a kind of emotional self harm since that is "what I deserved" since obviously I am not cared for by anyone. Thankfully with this knowledge and the sub i was able to heal myself of this. I felt it most definetely because that part has stopped shutting itself off from other parts of myself. i can feel it clearly within me. For a long time I felt lost in this world and felt as if something was missing inside of me. Now that I have this part of myself again i feel actually whole again. I feel as if I can do anything. That all those things people told me about myself that had no basis in reality were full of shit.

I realize that now people usually take the easy way out. Instead of dealing with their own fears, issues and traumas they rather run away from those and do the cowardly thing. Take it out on others and pass on their traumas, fears, and issues on to others. When i look at it through that lenses you are the strong one by forgiving and letting go of the past. These people who don't and continue to harm others are also hurting themselves because they are cowards and they refuse to deal with what is inside them. They have decided to run away. I have forgiven myself for what harm I might have done to others and I have forgiven the harm that was done to me. I'm done accepting lies. I will no longer accept lies about myself, I will no longer accept lies regarding others, and I will not accept lies regarding my environment.

Lies might spare your ego and make you "think" you have escape responsibilities but in reality you haven't escaped anything. In the long term accepting lies hurt you in the long term because when you accept lies you will then make decisions based on those lies. Making decisions based on lies you have accept will cause you harm no matter how much you want to think otherwise. Even the idea that you can escape your internal issues is a lie. All you can do is fight and overcome or remain subservient. I choose to overcome and I am a better person for it.

I've already started taking my responsibilities more seriously and just feel great now. I feel so much lighter now that I have taken responsibility, owned up to my issues, and choose to overcome them. I have a knew standard for myself and that is to be dedicated to the truth. Even when i am gone the truth will be hear regardless. It will be there whether i choose to recognize it or not. In dedicating myself to this I feel as though i am dedicating myself to an ideal that is eternal and greater than myself. It adds a high amount of stability to my life now.

I think that is about it for now. I will keep at this for up to 3 or maybe even 6 months i think. I want everything to be the best it can be before i switch to another sub. So i can get the best possible results for now on. I do want to thank Shannon once again for this sub especially. Its really been life changing.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, the damn finally broke. I can confidently say 90% of the sub is self replicating within my head. It was quite a journey really.

So what happened that caused this? Well as I said before before I start running the sub again there is usually an uptick noticeable results about 24 to 72 hours before i hit play. However yesterday I was driving early morning , a few hours before i get off, and started getting those feelings of being influenced by the sub. I guessed that maybe it was me feeling it days before i was to run it but then I realized maybe I'm supposed to run it today and once I was committed to running it that morning the effects just ramped up. within those few hours before I got of work to go home and play the sub a major resistance tactic was revealed to me. Essentially what had been going on was the part that was still resisting desperately was using my imagination. Basically since I had been really in my head since things started going bad in my childhood that was where i had a lot of made up stories (some I had thought at one point of making into books, etc). There is one male character in this said 'story" which i kind of identified with.

That is where the resistance tactic came in. Instead of executing the sub on me in real life it would kind of substitute this one character instead. Since being in my head was seen as "part of my identity" and I "identified with a male character" it would project the sub instructions into this imaginary world as it were to say "Hey, see I executed!!!". Only problem was the gig was now up and I was consciously aware of the ploy. I was quite frankly livid and fed up at this point. However something else was interesting which I caught in those few hours as well. The parts that were cooperating used this as a setup. I get this because before i hit play, especially a few hours beforehand, I get these kind of "impressions" that I am able to make out consciously. As if i can catch parts of a conversation or feelings being portrayed. The part that was a trap was that the cooperating parts were well aware of this tactic and used it to that advantage.

If I could put it into words it was as if they were saying "Yeah, since we just revealed you consciously the gig is up which means since you literally were using an "avatar" to project all those instructions on to you can just simply copy and paste that on to real life roughly. Also you can't use the excuse that you don't have any idea how the sub would look like in real life because you literally have been imagining it in plain sight this whole time". Yeah, after that I felt just resignation and a bit of fear coming from the resistant side. Apparently this was its last play it had. As you can see it back fired badly.

Along with being livid I had finally just had enough and "knew" I had to change. I had decided it. It bringing my "death" be damned. It also has to do with the deceit really. I have this very low tolerance (almost zero tolerance) for purposeful lying to my face. Trust is very important to me and i think with this I truly saw fear for the liar it is. living your life based on lies is a very dangerous game in my opinion. It would be the opposite of keeping me safe. So since accepting lies could very well jeopardize my safety I can not trust "fear" since it seems to be a constant liar. On the way home and when I got home I just kept saying in my mind that I accept all the instructions of the sub fully and I will do everything in my power to implement them. I can not continue as this as I refuse to jeopardize my safety by accepting self deluding lies.

I kept a lot of this thinking when I finally played the sub as well. During listening I just felt a dame break and felt my mind working overtime to just process a lot of stuff. There was one major revelation to me and it revealed quite a lot. Essentially the whole being inside my head and imagination stuff was a coping and defensive mechanism. Due to my toxic family lie and school life i basically learned "outside real world is bad and dangerous" but "inside head is safe". So I literally disconnected myself from reality as it where on one level. It was because of this disconnect and that it needed to be healed that I couldn't get much results from DMSI. DMSI requires you project an aura and signals into the real world but how can you do that when your own mind tells you the world outside your head is not safe at all? You simply don't project outside your own head or on those rare cases you do (where something slipped through and you got a pretty strong reaction) you freeze up in terror.

UH was important in healing all this as I literally felt almost as if the non physical things that caused it were being healed but also the connections in my brain felt like they were being healed so i could finally "perceive" reality as I am supposed to. Since it was fear that drove me inside my head and into things like playing lots of video games, once that fear was cleansed away I saw reality in a totally different light and the same enjoyment I would get from those other things are now fulfilled by engaging in the real world. One interesting side effect I noticed form this is I seem to perceive time quite different now. As in I am completely present, zen and in the her and now. Feeling the joy of every physical experience and sensation. Its almost as if all that normal stuff and data that is captured by all your senses i now fully recognize and experience "fully". That makes it so that every moment and minute just feels like so much information to take in that is amazing to experience.

This does cause time to go by a lot slower. I think since I recognize all this information that usually gets filtered out that makes it feel like there is so much amazing data and information coming in. Like I'm kind of doing a lot of work just experiencing it all but then i look at a clock and its barely been a few minutes. However I don't see this as a negative really. I've gotten already to make out more info and see if I can make the time go by even slower just to improve my patience. On that point my patience is high tier now and I just don't feel angry about stuff that would have even simply annoyed me before. I just feel zen, patience, love, beauty, peace, confidence and compassion.

Things that normally would provoke some anxiety and fear feel like they aren't even processed by that side of the brain anymore. Its like my reactions just bypass the fear centers and goes straight to the logical sides of the brain. My face has no stress in it and my eyes feel piecing now. I noticed one other side effect which is when it comes to music. Before I would just withdraw into my head to enjoy the music but now its like I'm fully there in the present and the notes just feel like they are causing energy within my body to express in certain ways. Its a way more physical and energetic experience. Its like my body and energy want to move on its own according to the music being played. I also feel like I just "feel" every note and sound that is played. Its as if my whole body and senses are in tune with the music.

Lastly I would say that most definitely fear was the culprit. I notice now if I even think of another sub to run in the future (DMSI for example) I can literally in that moment feel my body respond as if it would be ready to adapt to that on a moments notice. The hunch I got from this was that now that I have gotten rid of a lot of the fears that were artificially limiting me I can now see myself in so many different "realities" and just feel my body respond to what it would be like in that reality. In other words it is willing to easily accept "death" aka Change very easily now and knows how it would execute already. Its quite amazing and never thought I would feel anything like this.

All i can say is I will of course keep going to cement these results. Finally after years of running these subs I had the final breakthrough I needed thanks to this sub. Funny enough despite being at around 90% i feel this want to push on wards and keep doing better. Keep on tweaking your reactions and reality here or there to make it all on point as it were. i feel in total control of my reality and more than willing to take responsibility for my reality. There is no more running anymore. Running is for cowards and cowards are a good reason why the world is in the state it has been in for decades now.  If anyone has any questions I will be glad to answer to the best of my ability. Other than that I will just keep on moving forward at a even faster pace than before.

[Shannon]

I first started thinking, "Ah, another defense mechanism I need to counter." Then I realized that I had already countered it, identified what I had done that was the reason it was countered, and understood that's why it was revealed. That felt good.

Time is perceived (created) according to your state of awareness. When you focus internally and work at high speed in an environment where that speed is not compared to the outer world, there is no relative reference for how fast you are going, so you normalize to that "speed" and it seems like what you're used to. When you then shift focus outside of that processing bubble to the "real world" it seems that time slowed down because you're expecting that X number of actions take Y amount of time. Internally, there is no limit to how fast you can think as long as you stop relying on (or reduce reliance on) the physical brain to do your thinking. It's like trying to process a complex mathematical process in a terminal designed to show you results, vs trying to process it kn the main computer designed to do that kind of work at maximum speed. Most people never realize that the brain is just a terminal, and the mind can work much, much faster outside of the limitations the physical brain has. Just depends on where you focus as to what gets used.

I am very pleased to see you making progress.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, major changes have happened so I will try to report on what has happened. Though it will probably not be as detailed because I have trouble concentrating on details for reasons that will become self evident.

The short of it I have really changed for the better. Even have a few local dates setup for soon. On on Thursday evening and another for next week. This was despite before me having some fear regarding dating or doing anything with women locally. One might ask how did this happen? Its quite simple I acknowledged the truth of the situation regarding myself. What I mean by that is when I ran the sub again I realized quite straightforwardly that the past that I directly experienced is just one of a infinite amount of pasts I could have chosen to have, just the same regarding the present and possible futures I could choose to experience. By acknowledging that it made ti so that that past I had experienced doesn't have as much affect on my current choices anymore. Its like I expanded my view of myself and that past that I had experienced is just a small part of who I am, it is not everything that I am.

If Shannon is right, and I have no reason to doubt him at this point, that we have infinite amount of experiences that we are currently experiencing but we aren't experiencing those because we are in a physical body that can only take so much (due to potential overload of the central nervous system, etc) so we "forget" those other possibilities. Once we really believe that and acknowledge that we understand that the past that we decided to directly experience is only a insignificant "sliver" of what makes up "us". I think upon coming to that realization this both lowered my resistance to insignificant levels because the past experiences and beliefs that would cause the resistance are practically not there anymore and what is there doesn't really even matter. I can choose whether I want that past and the implied beliefs from that past to affect my present or not. I have basically made it not affect me currently or my future anymore.

That's where I have trouble remembering clearly, because part of me just finds remembering a past that is only a small part of who I am as not even important and quite frankly when i try to its like part of me blocks me from doing so and i don't have the energy to dwell on such things that are minor. Its even interesting for me to say those past things are minor now. Before it felt like those bad things that happened to me in the past were "who I am" to the point I kept on repeating the same mistakes, etc. Now that past is only a tiny insignificant fraction of who I am as a person. Its as though I had a very narrow view of myself and my identity which was only limited to things in that particular past that I experienced. Now I have "broaden" my identity that is a lot more encompassing.

I've also just learned that there are things for me to consciously know and somethings that are just meant for other parts of my subconscious. I will just trust my subconscious to deal with those things and lessons as it should. What my subconscious understands and does is far beyond my ability consciously so i should let it do its job when dealing with the subliminal. If I need to know something consciously then I will be made aware of it. So far this sub has been amazing and I feel as though everything is just working as it is intended to. Physically I do notice a kind of heat and energy imitating from the center of my chest. Also I feel as if my lungs are a lot better and clearer. Like when I breathe and exhale I feel as though I am having this sensation of breathing in and out heat and energy.

Another interesting thing that happened was while listening to the sub I had this realization of when it was healing something in my body its like I would realize that certain sensation in a certain part of my body was association with a certain feeling I would have. Whether stress, anger, annoyance, etc. They were usually associated with certain tension in certain muscle groups, etc. Honestly I haven't felt stressed, annoyed or angry at all in the past few days. I've just felt really relaxed and not bother by much of anything.

I realized that so many of the things that used to get my upset, etc don't even really matter in the grand scheme of things. Like does something on the road giving you the middle finger really mean anything in the bigger picture? More than anything it just shows how unhinged and emotionally immature the other person is. I mean in my instances I drive a certain company car and someone has to be really insecure, emotionally stunted, and just clearly not in control of themselves to flip off another person ,who is just going about their day try to make it in this world, because that person is driving the same car that some other person was driving in the past that annoyed said person. It also did bring up that person who i let get close to me but had anger issues and why i needed to break away from them. They were clearly influencing me in certain ways and starting to try to control me subtly as I started to break away from all this toxicity in my mind. Such people will get no where in the world because they see their anger and rage as an asset, not a liability. Oh it will help them somewhat but at great cost in my opinion at the end of the day. Also I realize now such anger in people has a way of "justifying" its exists. In other words if there isn't anything in the person's life at the moment that justify having such anger then the anger itself will make up reasons to justify it. Its like people who say they hate "drama" but they are the ones constantly causing it. Its literally their beliefs that cause the drama in their life and when there isn't any drama they will subconsciously cause it.

I don't know what else to say as I am at a lost right now. Not lost in a bad way either. Its just hard to describe how I am now. Its funny because I had a feeling that some day I would get to that point where I cross that line of getting rid of the majority of the beliefs that were holding me back. I just didn't know how that would look like or how that would feel. Now I am experiencing and I still don't know how to describe it correctly. It just this Zen idea of "It just is". I am what I am, I recognize that fact, and that's all there is to it. Seeing my lived past as all there is to me and my identity was a lie that I had believed for far too long. All I do is recognize the truth of who I am and that is it. I hope all of this made sense on some level to anyone who read this.

Anyway, i will keep running this and I don't know what I will run after I'm done with this. Part of me wants to run MLS again just so I can get through my degree already. I've already spent so much time on this and I'm ready to reap the rewards of moving into that industry. For far too long I've just let myself live in a very stagnant state of existence and I'm ready to just move out of this state. Being stagnant has become intolerable to me now.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, a few things have happened so far. So I did go on a date with a slightly decent Russian older Russian woman. It was ok but didn't feel as connected. She felt less emotional and couldn't really get a read on her. When she did show types of emotion it was at random times which kind of threw me off. Made me think she was single at her age for a reason.

I was going to have another date on Saturday night but seems I won't be able to go on that one because my tinder account was banned. Why you might ask? Well I decided to totally redo my profile to a degree and add information given my perspective on being just poly given the women I will be with. So was going to be honest about what I was looking for and change my profile around given that I hadn't changed it really in years (I also unmatched from a lot of previous matches for a fresh start). So I started making changes to it and being truthful about what I wanted in my profile (which included the word couple). I swear to you as soon as I did that not even 24 hours later I try to log on my account and it has said I was banned for violating their policies.

Now one might think "well, they must have a policy against that then". Nope, you would be wrong or that they don't enforce it equally (shocking I know /s). I know this because like over a week ago I decided to make a separate account for one of my women basically saying the same thing (couple, etc) and that one has been up for over half a week. Sorry but I just hate the hypocrisy here online in general. If a man is honest about what he wants sexually, etc he gets shamed, guilt trip, even banned in some cases but if its "seen" as coming from a woman and it has "female approval" then everything is fine. Well just gives me even more of a reason to leave. The reason I bring any of this up is because I realize with this latest transformation which enabled me to start going on dates, etc I had huge amounts of shame, guilt, and fear surrounding my sexuality as a male. I kept on getting these reinforcements that male sexuality is "bad" and male sexual wants should be shamed.

I know this is just my minor past experience so some people might not have had the same issues growing up. The interesting thing is this kind of behavior isn't just from women but it would be reinforced by brainwashed beta males as well. The type of beta males who think the more they simp out and act like a feminist, etc that the more women will "like" them. As I typed this I actually remembered one particular instance in my past of a former "friend" who I was talking to about this one guy who had multiple girlfriends, etc. This guy would literally tell the women that he wasn't interested in anything serious fairly early on and he already had other women. So he was being honest about what he wanted and the women wanted him anyway. My so called "friend" at the time still saw the guy as a low life and basically a piece of trash. Apparently in his world if a guy wants multiple women (even if he tells them all the truth) he is just "trash" by mere fact that that is what he sexually wants. Apparently the women themselves don't have "agency" to make their own choices in this or if they do they are just being "used" in his mind as he can't even see why a woman would want to be one of many unless they are being manipulated. Mind you this same "friend" was horrible with women and couldn't get anywhere with them at all.

I do think UH has done a lot in this area because I'm not even angry really. I am somewhat agitated by the hypocrisy but not surprised either. In my mind its just more of the same stuff I have already seen from my limited past and gives me even more reason to want to finish up here in this country and leave. I think this instance and the other instance having to do with the BDSM community where I had a bunch angry insecure beta males flood into my profile getting pissed essentially over the fact that I had multiple women and trying to make up reasons to legitimately attack me. What was funny about that situation as I saw it was you had these really insecure men attacking me for no reason (with the women involved with me knowing about each other and accepting that) then at the same time these same men are all claiming about how they are such "dominant alpha chads".

In the end I just find his whole situation hilarious really. I find that a change in of itself as before such things would just get me really angry, etc but now I just laugh at this stuff. Its just insecure men and women showing themselves to be so. So why should I let such people ruin my day? They obviously refuse to take control of their own lives and so why should I give them control of mine? It definitely seems like there was a lot of sexuality trauma and sexuality GSF (guilt, shame, fear) healing from using UH. I will be very happy to see what results I will get with other subs once I finish healing all around with UH for a while.

One last thing I think I have finally got out of the education slump I was in for a while now where I just couldn't really work on my degree program in computer science and was really falling behind. Talked to my friend who works in the field and got some more motivation after that discussion. Actually decided that after I get the degree I will just focus on learning Python and GO mainly. I'm interested in GO because its simple but also has as much speed as C++ or even out performs it in some areas. So I can see why GO is getting more and more popular. Going to try to catch up as much as possible before the end of the month. That discussion and these recent events have just motivated me even more just to get this finished and probably be making a six figure salary depending on the company I end up working for. I figure financially at this time I need to concentrate more on getting a very lucrative job first, then from there use that extra income to invest.

[DarthXedonias]

Thought I would give a final word on this sub. I'm currently only been back on MLS for a while now and stopped using UH when I felt like I had done enough for a bit. Wanted to go back and give a final word on it along with some huge updates that have happened.

By my estimate I ran UH for about 2 months or so. I think it was very good that I ran it for that long as I felt it really clear and heal a lot of things. Along with I felt like it made my brain physically a lot more healthy and I didn't have as much brain fog. To be honest while I was on it I noticed very firm but continual changes over time. I think I noticed the most though when I switched to MLS as I noticed now that there seemed to be less blockages so I have been executing the sub a lot more even this early into use. One thing is particular happened the first day I used it though of which UH had a big impact. UH was still running in my head (though I had took a break for a bit) and I noticed that as I ran MLS the mind would try to resist which then would bring that obvious resistance to the forefront which UH would then notice and heal/ clear.

Now there has been an even more major change. It happened yesterday without warning. Essentially I woke up and just realized I'm an addict and I had to change that. Mainly that I'm addicted to Video games and the internet (mainly watching useless entertainment videos). Its like I was able to really see an overview of my life and see how even in just the past year of trying to get my degree done and get to my objectives I would just find excuses to do those 2 habits and end up not getting any work done. Essentially it was affecting me in the real world and getting in the way of getting things done which from my understand is one of the essential requirements for realizing your addicted to something. So I ended up disconnecting my PS5 and basically have limited my internet use to productive things. In the case of youtube only thing related to programming or my course work unless I at least get hours of course work done while driving for my job then "maybe" for the second half of my shift I can listen to something more entertaining.

The funny thing is I have realized after doing things that way for even just a day that I didn't find the stuff I used to find entertaining all that entertaining anymore. I have decided I'm basically going to detox from video games and major use of internet for 90 days. I read essentially that these addictions are quite real and people don't even consciously sometimes know they have an addiction or they try to lie to themselves that they don't, that they are still in control when they aren't. Apparently these addictions have been studied (video games especially) and apparently they can be just as addictive as drug use in studies. They essentially have the same effect on the brain and make the same changes to the brain that reinforce the addiction. So 90 days of detox from these activities is suggested so that your mind reverts back to a pre-addicted state. I will allow myself to watch movies occasionally but even that should be limited.

I have also decided I will do a 100 days training program for the Python language (which will also get me some projects to do for my portfolio for after I graduate). I do plan on learning GO and RUST as well as I feel like these languages will grow in popularity due to their speed and efficiency. So if I'm about to get through these 90 to 100 days I should be a completely changed man. I say this as well because I realized most of the energy and focus I had was focused towards this addiction which left very little focus and energy for the subs at times. I realize now if all the energy and focus put on that addiction was used towards the goals of the subs then I would be executing like crazy. Unfortunately since its an addiction we are talking about of course the mind is going to resist changing that focus. On top of this I will be running MLS for a while (until custom DMSI comes out) while I'm going through this detox.

My hope is that as my mind starts losing focus and directing energy towards that addiction that instead focus and energy will be directed towards the goals of the program. So not only will my brain revert to a pre-addicted state but will probably be more structured towards whatever sub I am running. I do feel like this is a major change as I have literally had this addiction since a kid because my outside reality sucked so I used video games then the internet as an escape and coping mechanism. The fact that this issue has been brought to my attention and I straight up couldn't deny it any longer and had to make a change is amazing to me.

One other major change is that I am literally mainly drinking water now. Before when I was a kid I would mainly want to drink soda then the last 10 years or so juices. Would basically avoid pure water but now the last 2 to 3 weeks I've basically been drinking that along with no really eating much candy. At most anything with sugar in it that I do eat might be popsicles. The only juices I might drink occasionally from a vending machine at work are pure apple juice or orange juice. I just realized also how much money I was wasting on getting all these juices. I have also started losing weight as I have gained a bit over the past year (nothing major but I have noticed) and am taking a supplement to help along with ordering a meal kit service that is more healthy.

So far I think that is most of the changes. Looks like I'm moving in a very positive and productive direction. I just don't have as much interest in living in the reality I was accustom to before. I just don't have as much attachment with it anymore. I realize now that because of the addiction it felt very hard to get out of it and change because as I found out the changes to the brain (especially the dopamine changes) make it so that your will power is kind of sapped when going against it. Now I feel like some of that will power has been renewed and as I move forward with this plan I think there will be a lot of major changes.

I think I won't be journaling unless something major happens that I need to report or DMSI custom comes out which will take a while. Either way I'm just glad with these changes that are taking place.

Edit: Also I ended up buying a relatively decent 9 bedroom house in Latin America. Plan on buying a few more properties as well in a relatively quick period.

[DarthXedonias]

Even though I'm on MLS now thought I would post an update because honestly its because of UH I'm starting to see these results now. I will try to make it brief but things are actually going great now. I started eating healthier and I drink tea daily now. Don't eat as much sweets as I used to. I think after a month I should be able to hit the body fat percentage I want then I will start bulking up like crazy. Classes are going on ok. I am noticing i'm looking more forward to doing the work that I need to get done or at least finding out ways I can approach the class that will make learning easier.

I did have a major, major breakthrough on something though. So for the longest time I just didn't like math . I could still do well on it depending on the teacher (my grades in Highschool fluctuated between A- and C+) however even when i started doing well I would start slacking off and not being interested. I finally found out why for all this. I sat down while listening and realized vividly why that is. Shannon is very right that there are certain levels of your consciousness that retained that level of consciousness you had at a younger period. I remembered being something like 5 years old I believe and having to take this math test like almost every day in my class. I forgot how many question it was but I believe it was like 6 rows of questions and it was timed. I remember just trying to get through my version of the test to get to level 2 of the test for quite a while and I just couldn't. Eventually though I remember passing it though I think I still have either the whole last row not answered or just a few in the last row not answered.

Either way it "should" have been enough to have a passing score. So next time the test came around I expected to be on level 2. Surprise the teacher kept me at level 1 still anyway. In other words even though I passed by her own rules, etc she still kept me at level 1. I was just shocked when I got the paper the next time we took the test and I still got a level 1 paper. I didn't say anything just took it again but I think I was deflated from all this and just didn't care as much anymore. From her view I got the inkling that she must have still had doubts about my abilities and just kept me there or "Oh no he still missed a few, there must be something wrong here". Never came to me to offer any explanation or anything. So its like I realized from that situation at a young age "Psh, why bother anymore with math. No matter what I do I won't succeed anyway. People are just going to change the rules on me or not allow me to succeed". It was quite a sobering moment when i realized this was the central issue regarding math for me. After I realized that its like now I don't have that really hold me back anymore. I'm actually motivated to pass the current math class I'm working on.

There was one other major breakthrough that happened recently which just got everything snowballing. I remembered that whole issue before the "wall" part of the subs was created where we realized our minds were just saying things like "disappearing" things or pretending that things didn't exist. I actually used this same technique which was a resistance tactic but turned it against the resistance itself. Mainly I just said in my mind whenever I felt any resistance to any of the instructions that the resistance doesn't exist and it is an illusion. I actually felt a lot of release after doing this. Now I just calm down and do that every single time I feel any once of resistance. Most of the time I don't have to do it anymore as its automatic at this point. I think that actually ended up opening the flood gates in a way.

Anyway, thought I would give this quick update. Its feels like I'm getting very tangible, real results now after years of working with these subs.

[DarthXedonias]

Decided to make this journal part UH and part MLS instead of making a second MLS Journal.

I might start updating more frequently because quite frankly I just feel really amazing now. Come tomorrow I will be on my 3rd week of detox from video games and last week I had decided no matter what there will be no more porn watching (even if its pretty infrequent). I think what is happening is that my brain structure is resetting since I've gotten rid of the addicting habits that have the same effects on the brain as drugs (video games, porn, too much youtube watching) and now I'm able to just have a good mood in my normal every day life instead of relying on some addicting habit to get pleasured.

The second thing I feel has happened is that with those previous addictions keeping the old "reality" in place in a way the new reality (MLS) is now really showing itself. I'm finding with my math class as I go through the videos I am able to basically instantly understand them and actually keep going over the information in my mind. I actually enjoy learning the information and will enjoy learning the last few classes I have (I have about 13 classes left after this one). There is some weird but interesting thing that happens as well. I think it has to do with using more the "mind" instead of the brain as Shannon has referred to before. When I'm learning its like my mind is just on auto pilot and my mind is just able to instantly figure out things. If not I make a reasonable guess and even as the teacher in the videos is leading up to the answer I am able to get where I got wrong right before they reveal the answer. I notice I have a lot of those "aha" moments as well where I just get it.

I still every once in a while feel this type of resistance but I just do what I have done and calm myself and tell myself the "resistence" doesn't exist and it is just an illusion. I make myself feel nothing run against "myself" as I execute. This whole thing has made me realize just how insidious things like fear, guilt and shame are against the goals you are trying to achieve. Reason being that its like you want something and you use your available energy and will power to get towards a goal but the fear, for example, diverts your energy and will power because now your wondering about the "what ifs" which are distracting you from your main goal. Its like your splitting your energy and will power between your goal and the "what if" scenarios. Whether you are aware of those "what if" scenarios is another thing entirely.

Its like your working against yourself and your goals within your own head. You are becoming your own enemy at that point. The best analogy that comes to mind is like trying to get to a destination while trying to slogging through mud. The more fear, guilt and shame you have the more deeper, wider, and thick the mud is. Getting to the point you might just give up even getting to your destination. The sad fact is your the one that is creating the mud in the first place. Given my experience the only suggestion I can give to anyone who is struggling with trying to execute the sub is to get rid of any time wasting or addictive habits you might have. I had the inkling that the part resisting was using my addictions as a way to control the environment in my mind which would be way more favorable to the part of the mind that was resisting.

For those that don't know using video games as an example you get addicted because of the dopamine hit you get from playing them, etc. It basically screws up your punishment/ reward system in your brain and actually changes the structure of your brain in a similar way to a drug addicts brain. This is similar with a lot of addictions and time wasting activities today (porn, surfing the web, watching videos on youtube a lot, etc). By keeping that structure in place every time I did any of these activities is made it really hard if not impossible to develop new habits according to the instructions in the sub. Make sense seeing as the point is do to the changes in the brain/mind you find anything outside of those activities that give that particular dopamine hit to be "uninteresting" or "boring". You might find regular life just boring as well unless your diving into some imaginary online world. I now see as i've gotten rid of those things and am using the sub for the changes that I want in my life that life seem very, very good now and my future looks very bright. More bright than I have ever thought it has been.

On my future and why I feel that way, I have been looking more and more into my options. I have narrowed things down to either working remote or staying in a few major tech centers in the states. I admit as I have looked more into this I am starting to think of staying more and using my vacations and holidays to visit my girls in South America. Might still get married to the Asian one and either move her to south America or bring her with me to the states for a while. I have pretty much decided on where I will get a second Passport after I get my masters degree. Before my selection was either Canada, Australia, New Zealand, or EU. I think now I will settle on moving to the EU as it is composed of a lot of different places. I'm probably going to do an citizenship by investment scheme most likely since I might have the wealth to do so. If that's the case I might do so in Malta (more expensive investment scheme but can get citizenship within a year), or Portugal (takes 5 years but only need to be in country 7 days out of every year). I would prefer Montenegro because even though its not in the EU yet it will have its requirements done by 2025 and it has the cheapest citizenship by investment. After all that I'm not sure where I will be moving exactly. I have heard Berlin in Germany, Madrid in Spain, and Amsterdam in the Netherlands are pretty decent places. I might just end up buying some places in all those major places.

As to stay here a bit long reason being that once I'm done with this degree soon I do want to work with one of the major tech companies. I've been looking more into my pay scheme and things I would be offered are base Salary, stock options, and sign on bonus. So, I didn't care much about the stock before but now I see it as a good long term strategy for me. I found out that if I were to work for the same company for about 8 years I could retire early. After that period I could essentially do 1 of 2 things: Sell the stock I got for over 1,000,000 USD or (in the case of a company that pays a dividend) keep the stock the company gave me and make about 23,000 USD per month off of it. So my options are looking very, very appealing right now. Also with getting a signing bonus every year (about 25k to 50k USD) I could easily buy property around the world or invest it in something else. Do to all of this I am quite excited about the future and also I am excited about learning the field so I don't actually mind working in this field for quite a while.

Either way that's about everything that is going on. I just felt motivated to post because I feel really good about myself and my future right now and don't have many people I can tell about how great things are going. So this is kind of cathartic for me now. Anyway, I will see you guys later and wish everyone luck. Comments, suggestions, and questions are very much welcomed.

[Shannon]

I'm really enjoying watching your journey. You've come a very long way, and I have the feeling you're not done yet. This sort of growth and improvement is what I do this job for.

[Sky]

Decided to make this journal part UH and part MLS instead of making a second MLS Journal.

I might start updating more frequently because quite frankly I just feel really amazing now. Come tomorrow I will be on my 3rd week of detox from video games and last week I had decided no matter what there will be no more porn watching (even if its pretty infrequent). I think what is happening is that my brain structure is resetting since I've gotten rid of the addicting habits that have the same effects on the brain as drugs (video games, porn, too much youtube watching) and now I'm able to just have a good mood in my normal every day life instead of relying on some addicting habit to get pleasured.

The second thing I feel has happened is that with those previous addictions keeping the old "reality" in place in a way the new reality (MLS) is now really showing itself. I'm finding with my math class as I go through the videos I am able to basically instantly understand them and actually keep going over the information in my mind. I actually enjoy learning the information and will enjoy learning the last few classes I have (I have about 13 classes left after this one). There is some weird but interesting thing that happens as well. I think it has to do with using more the "mind" instead of the brain as Shannon has referred to before. When I'm learning its like my mind is just on auto pilot and my mind is just able to instantly figure out things. If not I make a reasonable guess and even as the teacher in the videos is leading up to the answer I am able to get where I got wrong right before they reveal the answer. I notice I have a lot of those "aha" moments as well where I just get it.

I still every once in a while feel this type of resistance but I just do what I have done and calm myself and tell myself the "resistence" doesn't exist and it is just an illusion. I make myself feel nothing run against "myself" as I execute. This whole thing has made me realize just how insidious things like fear, guilt and shame are against the goals you are trying to achieve. Reason being that its like you want something and you use your available energy and will power to get towards a goal but the fear, for example, diverts your energy and will power because now your wondering about the "what ifs" which are distracting you from your main goal. Its like your splitting your energy and will power between your goal and the "what if" scenarios. Whether you are aware of those "what if" scenarios is another thing entirely.

Its like your working against yourself and your goals within your own head. You are becoming your own enemy at that point. The best analogy that comes to mind is like trying to get to a destination while trying to slogging through mud. The more fear, guilt and shame you have the more deeper, wider, and thick the mud is. Getting to the point you might just give up even getting to your destination. The sad fact is your the one that is creating the mud in the first place. Given my experience the only suggestion I can give to anyone who is struggling with trying to execute the sub is to get rid of any time wasting or addictive habits you might have. I had the inkling that the part resisting was using my addictions as a way to control the environment in my mind which would be way more favorable to the part of the mind that was resisting.

For those that don't know using video games as an example you get addicted because of the dopamine hit you get from playing them, etc. It basically screws up your punishment/ reward system in your brain and actually changes the structure of your brain in a similar way to a drug addicts brain. This is similar with a lot of addictions and time wasting activities today (porn, surfing the web, watching videos on youtube a lot, etc). By keeping that structure in place every time I did any of these activities is made it really hard if not impossible to develop new habits according to the instructions in the sub. Make sense seeing as the point is do to the changes in the brain/mind you find anything outside of those activities that give that particular dopamine hit to be "uninteresting" or "boring". You might find regular life just boring as well unless your diving into some imaginary online world. I now see as i've gotten rid of those things and am using the sub for the changes that I want in my life that life seem very, very good now and my future looks very bright. More bright than I have ever thought it has been.

On my future and why I feel that way, I have been looking more and more into my options. I have narrowed things down to either working remote or staying in a few major tech centers in the states. I admit as I have looked more into this I am starting to think of staying more and using my vacations and holidays to visit my girls in South America. Might still get married to the Asian one and either move her to south America or bring her with me to the states for a while. I have pretty much decided on where I will get a second Passport after I get my masters degree. Before my selection was either Canada, Australia, New Zealand, or EU. I think now I will settle on moving to the EU as it is composed of a lot of different places. I'm probably going to do an citizenship by investment scheme most likely since I might have the wealth to do so. If that's the case I might do so in Malta (more expensive investment scheme but can get citizenship within a year), or Portugal (takes 5 years but only need to be in country 7 days out of every year). I would prefer Montenegro because even though its not in the EU yet it will have its requirements done by 2025 and it has the cheapest citizenship by investment. After all that I'm not sure where I will be moving exactly. I have heard Berlin in Germany, Madrid in Spain, and Amsterdam in the Netherlands are pretty decent places. I might just end up buying some places in all those major places.

As to stay here a bit long reason being that once I'm done with this degree soon I do want to work with one of the major tech companies. I've been looking more into my pay scheme and things I would be offered are base Salary, stock options, and sign on bonus. So, I didn't care much about the stock before but now I see it as a good long term strategy for me. I found out that if I were to work for the same company for about 8 years I could retire early. After that period I could essentially do 1 of 2 things: Sell the stock I got for over 1,000,000 USD or (in the case of a company that pays a dividend) keep the stock the company gave me and make about 23,000 USD per month off of it. So my options are looking very, very appealing right now. Also with getting a signing bonus every year (about 25k to 50k USD) I could easily buy property around the world or invest it in something else.  Do to all of this I am quite excited about the future and also I am excited about learning the field so I don't actually mind working in this field for quite a while.

Either way that's about everything that is going on. I just felt motivated to post because I feel really good about myself and my future right now and don't have many people I can tell about how great things are going. So this is kind of cathartic for me now. Anyway, I will see you guys later and wish everyone luck. Comments, suggestions, and questions are very much welcomed.

This is awesome! I unfortunately had to stop MLS after finishing the two month mark because of lack of sleep and I didn't test it with tranquilizer B according to Shannon's suggestion. Since then, I have bought tranquilizer B and have been using LTU6 and my life has been going very well. I really want to learn data analysis and data science, and I hope LTU6 will help me work on the limiting beliefs I have preventing me from maximizing my potential towards studying and learning data science. I really enjoyed reading your post, so thought I'd share what I'm doing.

[DarthXedonias]

@Shannon Thanks for hard the work you have done. I think I am finally crossing the Rubicon as it were. Its funny because as I might have said in another post it just suddenly I woke up one day, April 6th to be précised, laid up from bed, and just the thought occurred to me "I am addicted to video games". After I came to that realization and acknowledged it I just haven't played since and have acknowledge the other habits I need to change that are holding me back.

@Sky Its interesting you say that. At some points I have thought of instead of doing a Masters of CS in AI/Machine learning of maybe doing data science instead but alas I think my role is to make some discoveries in AI and Machine learning. I think the current MLS will take me quite far but I do await eventually when 6G will be out and then I can run the 6G version. I would say with what your doing just keep on going with LTU6 until you get everything you can out of it. Its an all around good sub that will probably influence multiple parts of your life for the better.

[Sky]

@Shannon Thanks for hard the work you have done. I think I am finally crossing the Rubicon as it were. Its funny because as I might have said in another post it just suddenly I woke up one day, April 6th to be précised, laid up from bed, and just the thought occurred to me "I am addicted to video games". After I came to that realization and acknowledged it I just haven't played since and have acknowledge the other habits I need to change that are holding me back.

@Sky Its interesting you say that. At some points I have thought of instead of doing a Masters of CS in AI/Machine learning of maybe doing data science instead but alas I think my role is to make some discoveries in AI and Machine learning. I think the current MLS will take me quite far but I do await eventually when 6G will be out and then I can run the 6G version. I would say with what your doing just keep on going with LTU6 until you get everything you can out of it. Its an all around good sub that will probably influence multiple parts of your life for the better.

Thanks @DarthXedonias! I think I was resisting MLS or hyperactive with insomnia when I ran MLS, so hopefully I can one day go back to it and get the benefits you're getting. I struggle focusing and concentrating for long periods of time and have a faulty belief system towards my capability to learn data science and complex academic concepts in general. I really want to keep improving, so here's to hoping that when @Shannon comes out with MLS 6G, it'll be even better and maybe cure the sleep issue that I had, but nonetheless I think MLS 5.75.6G does what is needed and is a great sub given that I feel well rested after using it with tranquilizer B in the future.

LTU6 is great, so thanks for the advice! I'll stick with it and try to improve my growth mindset towards learning since I want to do a masters in data science eventually. Right now, i think i would fail if I get into a masters in data science, but with running MLS in the future and the studying i'm doing every day, i may be able to change that. Also, LTU6 is a game changer too and is improving my life in many ways as well, so I'm hoping that will help me reach my goals too of an overall better life, including the learning aspect and the girlfriend aspect. All the best with you! Your journal is great!

[DarthXedonias]

Things are still going great so far. I think so far I am approaching in a few days of 1 month without video games at all and 2 and half weeks without having looked at porn at all. Watching a little bit less youtube (non educational stuff) but think I can do even better in that area so will start clamping down on things in that area. There are some other things I have noticed so far that I should probably report.

I do think I realize now why DMSI wasn't working for me or at least "one" of the reasons. It has to do with why I think the sniper might not have been firing much if at all. So while I've been on this detox I've noticed since then when I notice a decent looking woman in my view I get hyper focused on her and almost have this urge to maybe talk to her. Hell I don't even have shame looking at her directly or out of the corner of my eye because I just will admire her beauty. I just noticed as well my sexual urges would just come to the forefront. I hadn't felt this way when looking at women in real life in a long, long time. After this happening a few times it hit me that I realize this was why the snipers weren't working properly. My mind was warped by looking at porn. One of the effects if you watch too long or often is that real life sexuality doesn't give your mind that "hit" or "urge" as much as watching porn does. After you detox for quite a while your mind starts resetting to base line in a lot of ways and regular women in real life start to appeal to you more.

Due to my brain structure being in an addictive state I started to realize this was probably one of the main reasons why snipers almost never hit very hard for me. I think after I do this 90 day detox (honestly, I think porn wise it is going to be permanent detox) I should be able to get very better results from DMSI which by then the new version will be out anyway. I also know this might be the case because I also just have this knew confidence about myself now. My confidence has just risen in all areas really. I actually truly believe things will go much better this time when I get to running it and also my fear of dating locally is basically gone for the most part. I know the type of women I want and that I do want variety in experiences with different women.

In other things I have noticed that I do want to start investing but I will do so with smaller measured goals and with much patience. Basically I decided I will start trading a basic of crypto currencies and not just a few so I have more variety. Won't say too much about my strategy but I'm doing to go for a much safer and long term strategy instead of going more risky like I used to be. Another decision I came to is I will most definitely get my passport from a European country so I can travel within the EU. To help facilitate this I will first try to get with the top tech companies that allow remote work and I think i will basically be traveling between South America, another country that I will keep to myself and Europe (to which every country I choose to get a citizenship in to keep my residency requirements).

As for more noticed educational benefits my studies are going just fine at the moment. I've just broken things up into more smaller, measurable pieces and am now studying a small part each day over time. I have basically no problem understanding material at all now. Like I'm going back to a class that I didn't do too well in the last term before I made all these changes and now I have absolutely no issue understanding that exact same material. Its like my brain just works differently now. Actually I think I should say I'm probably relying less on the brain and more on the actual "mind" now. Matter of fact I actually had somethin happen today that proved this to a degree. I was working on figuring out a math problem in my head that was related to programming. At some point I knew I was close the answer then something "clicked" in the back in my mind. It was like I went into another altered state where I knew what the answer was before I had "consciously" worked it out. Mind you consciously I hadn't figured it out yet but in the back of my mind something said this was the answer so I started typing out the specific equation and had done it correctly "before" my conscious mind had even caught up to it being the right answer.

That was a very interesting experience and I don't know how to describe it fully. I think I can only describe it as consciously I "knew" my subconscious had already gotten the answer and then I just moved on autopilot to fill it all in before my conscious mind even verified that was the correct answer itself. Honestly, up to this point I had never felt anything like that before. My subconscious already knew the answer and went on auto pilot while my conscious mind was still trying to figure out "why" that might be the right answer and verify that it is.

One final thing I have noticed is that the amount of happiness and joy I experience has increased but so has my will power. I realize now that those addictions I had were zapping my will power and things like video games addiction has been shown to do this. When I thought about this I realized this was why for the longest time the last couple of months I felt this kind of 'stagnation" that was aggravating me. Its was like I had this big desire to make a lot of changes to make my life better but at the same time felt stuck how to improve further, probably being held back by fear and felt like I didn't have the will power to do so. The issue though was the longer I stayed in this stagnation zone as it were the more I found it intolerable. However after getting those major things out of my life its like my will power to get things done is just growing and growing. I actually have the will power and confidence to get things done now without it continually being zapped away by certain addictions I had.

Oh almost forgot to mention, I've also decided that I'm going to start learning the piano in a few months. Always wanted to learn when I was younger but we didn't have the money to do so. So going to get an electric piano and start learning online. Will keep at it for the rest of my life as well. I find it interesting that this desire has resurfaced especially when I realized that there are lots and lots of mental health and brain benefits to learning the piano.

Anyway, that's about everything I needed to update on for now. Things are just going very well and I see my future still being quite bright if not brighter.