10-07-2014, 10:42 AM
Stage 3 Day 10
Not good!!!!
Just not feeling it at this time, no wonderful reflections in the mirror, walking
tall or looks from the ladies and no one seems to want to beat me up either
My
exercises have taken a hit over the last 2 weeks. I feel like I'm wading through a
treacle of anxiety, even some of my recent posts in other parts of the forum look
unnaturally aggressive to me. I am nostalgic and unhappy, need peace and quiet
right now, don't want to go out or socialise. Sex drive vanished (which is good
news for the latest no fap challenge!
)
I'm questioning what I want from AM. Do I want to be an Alpha Male in the truest sense? Don't winners get challenged, invite jealousies and troubles? I keep imagining people saying in the future "Do you remember the Indigo Mind Labs subliminal scam? Oh yeah I lost loads of money on that: Can't believe I was soo stupid! That Shannon made millions out of it but no one can find him to put him on trial. Mind you his Fonzy and Ryan characters were convincing! ha ha"
Having reoccurring dreams of visiting a very old workplace (a traumatic period in my life). Former staff were clearing out ready for the place to be demolished and there was a sense of finality that I had moved on. Even my old boss who I hated was half asleep in the chair with the office all untidy and hardly bothered to acknowledge me. That time of my life just had no meaning anymore.
Having dreams about ghosts and evil spirits that I used to get as a child and waking up in the middle of the night scared. This last one involved an unknown woman that I was interested in and I was always being put off my game by this voice telling me shit to do or I was no good. The woman then suddenly disappears and this writing starts to appear on my wall saying "I respect those who xxxxxxx" the rest was blurry. I made a serious effort and confronted this 'spirit' with massive aggression even though I was scared. The writing then just stopped and I woke up and had to check the part of my wall where the writing appeared. (no there was no writing!)
Having similar dreams about women being out of reach to me because of one thing or
another.
On a more positive note Zen seems to be kicking in, feeling very calm and level headed. Losing the knee jerk rection to bs or situations that used to wind me up
I hope Stage 3 is not just going to be a case of survival
Not good!!!!
Just not feeling it at this time, no wonderful reflections in the mirror, walking
tall or looks from the ladies and no one seems to want to beat me up either
My exercises have taken a hit over the last 2 weeks. I feel like I'm wading through a
treacle of anxiety, even some of my recent posts in other parts of the forum look
unnaturally aggressive to me. I am nostalgic and unhappy, need peace and quiet
right now, don't want to go out or socialise. Sex drive vanished (which is good
news for the latest no fap challenge!
)I'm questioning what I want from AM. Do I want to be an Alpha Male in the truest sense? Don't winners get challenged, invite jealousies and troubles? I keep imagining people saying in the future "Do you remember the Indigo Mind Labs subliminal scam? Oh yeah I lost loads of money on that: Can't believe I was soo stupid! That Shannon made millions out of it but no one can find him to put him on trial. Mind you his Fonzy and Ryan characters were convincing! ha ha"
Having reoccurring dreams of visiting a very old workplace (a traumatic period in my life). Former staff were clearing out ready for the place to be demolished and there was a sense of finality that I had moved on. Even my old boss who I hated was half asleep in the chair with the office all untidy and hardly bothered to acknowledge me. That time of my life just had no meaning anymore.
Having dreams about ghosts and evil spirits that I used to get as a child and waking up in the middle of the night scared. This last one involved an unknown woman that I was interested in and I was always being put off my game by this voice telling me shit to do or I was no good. The woman then suddenly disappears and this writing starts to appear on my wall saying "I respect those who xxxxxxx" the rest was blurry. I made a serious effort and confronted this 'spirit' with massive aggression even though I was scared. The writing then just stopped and I woke up and had to check the part of my wall where the writing appeared. (no there was no writing!)
Having similar dreams about women being out of reach to me because of one thing or
another.
On a more positive note Zen seems to be kicking in, feeling very calm and level headed. Losing the knee jerk rection to bs or situations that used to wind me up
I hope Stage 3 is not just going to be a case of survival
