Natious's AM6 (finished)

[Natious]

I'm only into Stage 3 for a few days and it's making me face problems and anxieties that I just hadn't thought about for years. I must have pushed them right back into the darkest recesses of my mind. I've been feeling very vulnerable and almost weepy If anyone gave me a sob story now I'd fall for it.

Well I guess that every day on AM makes you stronger. Not easy to face all that, but the end result will be powerful. I've had a few days where I'm a bit weepy too, I don't cry really, but feeling emotion and stuff.

My dreams have changed so much from the beginning. I used to see myself being the follower and bow down whenever someone tried to take control. Now I actually saw myself challenging situations and people who try to feed me their beliefs and world views. Even some situations related to religion that I was in when I was a kid, I saw myself questioning and denying what I wouldn't as a kid. It's like the things that I dealt with poorly before, I seem them again in a different light.

I guess that's what has been dealt with so deeply past few weeks and it's beginning to dissolve. There's still a lot of insecurity in the situations in my dreams, but it's coming down, I can tell.

For some reason I like taking the hard path through all of this, feels manly and surreal: "going through the dark path, coming out invincible" etc. There's some kind of a conviction that I will come out stronger than ever afterwards. Some time ago I said that running a sub is so easy and the change will happen with no effort, how can people not do this. In reality it's not so easy to deal with it all. Maybe the application of subs isn't as hard as doing all the "find negative beliefs, destroy negative beliefs, install positive beliefs", since it takes constant conscious effort, motivation and discipline, but that's why Shannon gets his deserved bucks.

EDIT: I am actually incredibly surprised that only in stage 2 something as deep as that has been almost dealt with now. The not over analyzing of the sub, letting it do its work and not fighting anything that comes along the path has made me quite resistant free I believe.