Natious on EPRHA again

[Natious]

I have completed AM6 about 2 weeks ago. It has been a challenging 7 months, partly because of the sub, partly because of my situation. But only I can be to blame for it, I did think on some level that I wasn't ready to run it yet, but went ahead and did regardless. I'm not regretting it, since the period has forced me to trust myself more in my decisions toward which subliminal I need to run.

Now I have a lot of internal conflict, I'm moderately paranoid about people's intentions toward me and have a lot of rage/anger that surfaces very quickly if I let anything bother me. Never being able to stand up for myself, I can understand at least a little why it's there. Currently my plan is to run EPRHA for the recommended time followed by running LTU for the recommended time.

I don't think I'll be writing much about external changes, at least not for now. Most of it will be internal and observing my own behaviour. External situation is not what I would want it to be, but I don't really know what I'd want it to be either so it feels comfortable enough not to take any risks. Something I want to change and not change at the same time, but hoping I can get the needed push from the subliminal use.

It seems that the biggest issue I face is that I have no motivation to do anything but waste time and let it pass by. It might be the convenience of my situation, laziness or something deeper and I think it's deeper. In the past I used to get so excited about what there is to do in the world, now I couldn't care less. I will try to be honest in my journal, but at the same time not too negative.

This is day 3 of EPRHA. Testing what different hours of listening do to me and starting with 12h/d. First day was extremely relaxing and felt "zen", following 2, nothing to report.

[koshas]

I have a few of the same issues.

I have Run am5 currently on stage 3 am6. I have grown a lot but I think I will do Ephra after I finish am6.

I did 30 days of Ephra after am5. It was great I should have done it far longer,but I was in a rush to do am6.

Good luck on your run of Ephra.

[Natious]

I have a few of the same issues.

I have Run am5 currently on stage 3 am6. I have grown a lot but I think I will do Ephra after I finish am6.

I did 30 days of Ephra after am5. It was great I should have done it far longer,but I was in a rush to do am6.

Good luck on your run of Ephra.

Thanks, I did 40 days of EPRHA before hand, but that wasn't even half the recommended amount really.

[terry44]

I have completed AM6 about 2 weeks ago. It has been a challenging 7 months, partly because of the sub, partly because of my situation. But only I can be to blame for it, I did think on some level that I wasn't ready to run it yet, but went ahead and did regardless. I'm not regretting it, since the period has forced me to trust myself more in my decisions toward which subliminal I need to run.

Now I have a lot of internal conflict, I'm moderately paranoid about people's intentions toward me and have a lot of rage/anger that surfaces very quickly if I let anything bother me. Never being able to stand up for myself, I can understand at least a little why it's there. Currently my plan is to run EPRHA for the recommended time followed by running LTU for the recommended time.

I don't think I'll be writing much about external changes, at least not for now. Most of it will be internal and observing my own behaviour. External situation is not what I would want it to be, but I don't really know what I'd want it to be either so it feels comfortable enough not to take any risks. Something I want to change and not change at the same time, but hoping I can get the needed push from the subliminal use.

It seems that the biggest issue I face is that I have no motivation to do anything but waste time and let it pass by. It might be the convenience of my situation, laziness or something deeper and I think it's deeper. In the past I used to get so excited about what there is to do in the world, now I couldn't care less. I will try to be honest in my journal, but at the same time not too negative.

This is day 3 of EPRHA. Testing what different hours of listening do to me and starting with 12h/d. First day was extremely relaxing and felt "zen", following 2, nothing to report.

You are one of the few people who actually used the right acronym! Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid. EPRHA. It might be useful for people searching the forum. It's an amazing sub btw. Good luck...

[Natious]

Its funny you both mention EPHRA and doing it for the recommended time .I know when I ran it for a couple of months straight I felt better than I have in a long time and I thought maybe I should do ASC or LTU .Maybe Am6. I feel like sometimes because of how old I am (46) that I am somehow running out of time to do things to improve myself and that I need to be in a hurry for whatever reason. Its made me second guess myself more times than I can tell you and its incredibly frustrating. That said I obviously have a bunch of inner junk I need to get through before I can do AM6 like I want so I'm just going to use EPHRA for 6 months or 180 days straight starting today then run LTU for 6 months.

I am glad for your post because I can imagine what it feels like, but the age does not matter. The real threat lies in the time having lived in the "half alive" state. All it takes is a little bit of belief that it will work out, or some proof that makes you see that it will and the ball will start rolling.

Maybe try some spiritual searching, "time" never runs out.

[DarthXedonias]

I'm Definitely going to keep a eye on this journal and your future LTU journal. I'm very interested to see what results you'll get. I've been thinking for a while now if EPRHA, LTU, and then AM6 might be a better way to start off with these subs then just starting with AM6 right off the bat since AM6 is so content heavy.

[GlaizenGold777]

Darth, in my opinion, that's why we have stage 1. It's garbage removal, no need to run anything else at first.

[Natious]

I have to strongly disagree, especially because it depends on the individual. I ran AM according to the instructions and I can honestly say that I should have run EPRHA/LTU for 6 months beforehand, but again it may differ for others. 1 month of stage 1 AM isn't much compared to say 3 months of EPRHA + 3 months of LTU in those terms. I think it depends a lot on the current belief system, if you believe that jumping in with guns blazing from the start is the right thing to do, then go with AM. However if you think that you need to do EPRHA first, then do that.

The right path is rarely what others tell you to take, maybe you even feel like you need some 4g motivation which would be completely out of the context, but if you do go with that.

Now go run that 6 months of EPRHA and LTU for me will you

EDIT: Had some odd dreams today. So out of the ordinary and extremely dark. I also saw this girl that I really liked as a kid but never did anything about it and I actually know for a fact that she liked me too. In the dream it was the opposite, like some love story.

[GlaizenGold777]

Oh Natious, I forgot this is your journal thread. Sorry for messing here. :p

[Natious]

Everything's cool, I just think it's important to not choose the wrong subs at the wrong time

[Natious]

1st week done, averaging at 12h/day. I have noticed a lot of dreams lately and again some fears are surfacing which should mean that they are being tackled.

One of the dreams was me in very odd places, it felt like I was one of the few people left on earth however nature looked extremely fresh and there was so much green which makes me think it might have been more in the past rather than after some near extinction event. Another odd thing was that I had a child with me. I remember having been extremely uncertain of myself at all times and when I had to defend myself and the kid the fear was quite insurmountable. The enemy seemed to be harmless though and after taking his gun I gave it back to him.

I recognized a pattern about one of my behaviours, when there were any events where I did something that might not have been all right with others, I kind of knew how to make them feel bad about me, sort of like make myself look like the victim. I would rather feel more secure with my decisions regardless the outcome than having to defend myself or not feeling like I have to if the decision might not be what others want it to be.

[Natious]

I had almost forgotten how rough the lows were while running AM. Seems EPRHA has a similar effect, was nearing a panic attack but somehow I managed to calm myself down by watching somewhat of a funny flick.
Feels like I have to have some sort of activity to do at all times or I am going crazy, be it drinking, playing video games, reading or watching something. Basically anything but spend time with myself. And the feeling is quite powerful too.

[stratos]

Yeah that feeling that makes it tough to spend time with yourself is emotional pain and discomfort. Try embracing it and magnifying it and it will release eventually. It's the running away from it that keeps it there. Or bottle it up and hang onto it forever

[Natious]

I want to but at the same time it feels like I can't. It feels like I can't feel anything but anger, not even sadness. Only these extremely low feelings like desperation, anger, rage, hate, guilt, shame. But nothing that would feel like I'm letting go, sadness would be an upgrade, I just don't know how to reach it.

My latest dream was about me gaining some sort of alien strength and killing a lot of people with it. All I can relate this to is the same rage, which feels like toward bullies. I feel like people that bully deserve to die the most painful death.