Stage 1, Day 15. Slow progress. I've been busy with stuff (and also spent way too much time on the forum, lol), and focusing on this presence/eye contact/sexual vibe stuff. I feel like I'm learning to kind of control my "arousal", or level of sexuality, a bit and I'm definitely more relaxed with eye contact, though I still get anxious at times. Basically if she isn't giving me any signs that she likes me, the need to protect my ego comes up so I kinda start "fighting" her instead of just admiring her. I should be able to communicate to her that I think she's hot no matter if she seemingly likes me or not, because its not about that. I guess its the "creep" label, still. I should be able to target that when I have the time.
I was playing with the sexual vibe a bit when at the gym today.. Of course I can't really tell if anything happened or not, there could be any number of explanations, but the facts of it are: (1) There were only 3 women of the right age there, all training by themselves, and in the end they were all training within 3 meters of me. (2) I wanted to talk to the hottest one and I went to a non-crowded area, somehow hoping that she'd follow. 5 minutes later she walks there, we were alone, I talked to her and it was great. I'm not approaching to close anything there, more to test and to hopefully build more & more tension over time.
I've been able to "bring comfort with me" for quite a while now. Basically it just doesn't happen anymore that girls would get "creeped out" by me going to talk to them, at least if the approach is even somewhat spontaneous. Sometimes initially, but I just stay relaxed and they'll soon follow. Now I want to consistently "bring sexuality with me" in the same way. I just need to get over that G, S and F that comes up.
Also, I'm trying to leave lots more space for the woman to participate in the conversation. MI pointed out the mistake I did to me, which was that I tried to talk a lot about whatever to show that I'm not needy, to not have the conversation "die out", and to make her comfortable. Now I'm finding that they DO actually start to talk their heads off if there's some sexual (not anxious) tension and I just hold it comfortably. I guess the tension is what makes them talk; I'm not releasing it, so they have to - by talking. I used to think that tension would make them leave, but this is much more fun :)
I know I'm having a lot of dreams, but I forget the specific contents very quickly. I think its a lot about escaping from someone violent or doing something scary. Last night I remember jumping though the window of a wooden cabin to get away from someone. I guess that's why people are having the fear of being attacked, because it happens over & over in our dreams? I haven't had that while awake, though. I can't remember anything about women or sex, its always either about OGSF or standing my ground in some way.
I was playing with the sexual vibe a bit when at the gym today.. Of course I can't really tell if anything happened or not, there could be any number of explanations, but the facts of it are: (1) There were only 3 women of the right age there, all training by themselves, and in the end they were all training within 3 meters of me. (2) I wanted to talk to the hottest one and I went to a non-crowded area, somehow hoping that she'd follow. 5 minutes later she walks there, we were alone, I talked to her and it was great. I'm not approaching to close anything there, more to test and to hopefully build more & more tension over time.
I've been able to "bring comfort with me" for quite a while now. Basically it just doesn't happen anymore that girls would get "creeped out" by me going to talk to them, at least if the approach is even somewhat spontaneous. Sometimes initially, but I just stay relaxed and they'll soon follow. Now I want to consistently "bring sexuality with me" in the same way. I just need to get over that G, S and F that comes up.
Also, I'm trying to leave lots more space for the woman to participate in the conversation. MI pointed out the mistake I did to me, which was that I tried to talk a lot about whatever to show that I'm not needy, to not have the conversation "die out", and to make her comfortable. Now I'm finding that they DO actually start to talk their heads off if there's some sexual (not anxious) tension and I just hold it comfortably. I guess the tension is what makes them talk; I'm not releasing it, so they have to - by talking. I used to think that tension would make them leave, but this is much more fun :)
I know I'm having a lot of dreams, but I forget the specific contents very quickly. I think its a lot about escaping from someone violent or doing something scary. Last night I remember jumping though the window of a wooden cabin to get away from someone. I guess that's why people are having the fear of being attacked, because it happens over & over in our dreams? I haven't had that while awake, though. I can't remember anything about women or sex, its always either about OGSF or standing my ground in some way.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
