Path to Greatness - Journal

[Shannon]

It's already July and welcome to the second half of 2013. The first half was really a time when I have had big changes in my life. New job, new relationship and new outlooks in my life. It wasn't easy but I learned a lot. Looking forward to this second half.

I have found the current version of OGSF isn't as easy as I'd like it to be, but I'm working on that. Your response to your girlfriend is definitely fear driven, but if your responses have shifted, that means it's peeling away and dissolving your fears one layer at a time. I have been experiencing the same thing, and each month my fears dissolve more and more. Keep going.

Anyway, I reread this and it seems that you are right. OGSF is hitting me hard. Especially in terms of my relationship. I've been using this sub for two months now and it seems to make my fears come out. I don't know man but as I said, she's my first girlfriend so I'm not really a guy who knows a lot about relationships. I know we're okay but still there are times now that I am getting too controlling. She got mad at me recently for being too concerned about what she wears, her body, her diet and her job. I can partly tell what I said was fear driven. I fear that she might have a problem at her job in the future, she might get fat with what she eats etc. I was also commenting a lot about her. She told me that I notice a lot of things. In the end, I apologized to her but she just ignored me. I cried and I believe she got a bit pissed of me for crying.

Man, I cried because this was the girl who wrote to me that she will love me more and more. She already told me that she's doing her best on improving herself and being the girl that I want her to be. But at the end I messed it up by saying she's not trying hard enough and lecturing her about her mistakes. It seems that at this time I only realized how much she cared and loved me but I was busy concentrating on other things she could do and didn't do. I also compared her to other girls. I don't know if she will forgive me since I felt that I've been repeating the same mistakes I have done to her. As such I decided to give her some time by not texting her probably for a day or too before I contact her again. I'm still hoping for the best because I am sure enough that I have learned from the mistakes I have done. It seems that I learned the hard way.

You create outwardly what you focus on inwardly. If that is what you fear, then guess what? You will generate exactly what you fear.

Case in point. This is your first girlfriend. You are approaching this as the only shot you have, ever. That puts WAY too much importance on this woman, and this relationship. That makes you overvalue it so much that you start fearing the "what if"s. What if she gets fat? What if she leaves me?

Well what if she turns into Swiss cheese, bro? Ya got a fear for that yet? How about what if she eats a tree? What if a jet crashes into her? What if she's really an alien spy? What if lightning strikes you whenever you kiss her?

Chill, man! It may be your first girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, but how many people do you know who end up with their first girlfriend? It's not very common, at least where I come from. You typically have several GFs before you find the right woman. Understanding that makes it easier to relax and let go and just enjoy her, and let her enjoy you.

So what if she gets fat? If that doesn't make you happy, find someone else. So what if she leaves you? Just find someone else.

I know it seems hard to swallow hearing that because it's been so hard in the past for you to find women, but you know what? The difficulty is inside you, not out there. The difficulty is in your fears. The fears that are making you focus on "what if" instead of "what is". The fears that are making you annoy her instead of enjoy her. The fears that are making you push her away instead of attract her to you.

I used to be in your shoes. I speak from experience. Relax: it doesn't matter. There are plenty of fish in the ocean. Work on getting past those fears and you'll be fine. I think another run of AM would be just right for you right about now.