AM5, Stage 4, Day 15 These events culminated on Day 10, though.
I finally had it, last week.
I've been a betaschlub to my ex-girlfriend, helping her out because she asked for it when I was moving out. Specifically, I kept her on my medical insurance and kept the utilities in my name until she was on her feet enough to do it herself.
She expressed gratitude a few times, usually when I was asking if she was in good enough financial condition to take over the utility bills herself. Part of our agreement was that she would pay for her part of the insurance on the first of each month. Eventually, she was to repay me for the utilities and various other debts she has to me. I was a real moron, because she has a poor track record of paying anyone back, unless there was something to motivate her (repossession, lights turned off, etc)
Each month, she paid for insurance later and later, and was curt about it when I reminded her. Also, she was becoming more and more discourteous to me as time passed. She would close the door in my face as I was finishing my sentence about our daughter, make snide remarks about how I was dressing, or accuse me of not changing our daughter's diaper.
The other night, I finally had it. I sent an email, saying that I'm done with paying for the privilege of her rudeness, her insurance is done at the end of the year (that's more convenient for me), and I'm closing my account with the power company on the 30th. The next time she asks for a favor, I said she should ask herself, "How long has it been since I've been a c**t to Sean?" and if the answer is less than 6 weeks, don't bother. Even if it's been more, I probably will still say no, but it's not guaranteed.
It's a weight off my shoulders. I was being a nice doormat to try to keep the peace, but appeasement does not work. Tolerating what would be described as intolerable taught her to treat me that way, and I take responsibility for that. I'm also taking responsibility for how I'm treated from here on out, and this was a big step forward on that.
I finally had it, last week.
I've been a betaschlub to my ex-girlfriend, helping her out because she asked for it when I was moving out. Specifically, I kept her on my medical insurance and kept the utilities in my name until she was on her feet enough to do it herself.
She expressed gratitude a few times, usually when I was asking if she was in good enough financial condition to take over the utility bills herself. Part of our agreement was that she would pay for her part of the insurance on the first of each month. Eventually, she was to repay me for the utilities and various other debts she has to me. I was a real moron, because she has a poor track record of paying anyone back, unless there was something to motivate her (repossession, lights turned off, etc)
Each month, she paid for insurance later and later, and was curt about it when I reminded her. Also, she was becoming more and more discourteous to me as time passed. She would close the door in my face as I was finishing my sentence about our daughter, make snide remarks about how I was dressing, or accuse me of not changing our daughter's diaper.
The other night, I finally had it. I sent an email, saying that I'm done with paying for the privilege of her rudeness, her insurance is done at the end of the year (that's more convenient for me), and I'm closing my account with the power company on the 30th. The next time she asks for a favor, I said she should ask herself, "How long has it been since I've been a c**t to Sean?" and if the answer is less than 6 weeks, don't bother. Even if it's been more, I probably will still say no, but it's not guaranteed.
It's a weight off my shoulders. I was being a nice doormat to try to keep the peace, but appeasement does not work. Tolerating what would be described as intolerable taught her to treat me that way, and I take responsibility for that. I'm also taking responsibility for how I'm treated from here on out, and this was a big step forward on that.
Fear is a liar.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. -- Ernest Hemingway
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. -- Ernest Hemingway
