11-11-2012, 09:34 PM
This afternoon was very interesting. My friend and I went to see Skyfall at the theater. My friend sat to my left. On the other side of him was a woman, and past her was her boyfriend. Prior to the movie starting, we got to see the usual pleas not to use cell phones during the movie.
Three-quarters of the way through the movie, boyfriend gets a text and checks it. His screen caught me out of the corner of my eye and was distracting. Willing to let it slip, he checks it again five minutes later. I stand up, lean across my friend and the girl, and say, "Please take that outside."
He looks at me like I asked him to take of his clothes and sing Monty Python's Lumberjack song, but he turned it off, so I sat down to watch the movie. My pulse is about eleventy-thousand, and I can tell adrenaline is priming everything for boyfriend to start something. Much like clockwork, he does. From my peripheral vision, I see him lean forward, look at me, and raise his hand in a "WTF?" gesture. I calmly turn my head to lock eyes with him, and he says, "You should be watching the movie, not me."
I didn't blink. I just stared at him, raising my eyebrows, and he repeats his "WTF?" gesture more emphatically, and his girlfriend starts trying to get him to calm down. I give my best "you're not worth my time" face, and start watching the movie again.
When the credits start rolling, I invite my friend to leave immediately, and he's cool with that. I'm not eager to get into a fight, especially not one as mismatched as this would have been. The kid was at least 6" shorter than I, skinny, and just trying to save face because his girlfriend was there and he had something to prove. We did not hurry, and was in fight-or-flight for a good 15 minutes following our exit.
It stood out for me how different this is from how I used to react to this in theaters. I'd keep quiet and stew about it. This time, I was willing to take action, and did not feel the need to escalate beyond that, while at the same time was willing to handle the situation if he decided to escalate. He was in the wrong; he was outgunned; he knew it; and I knew he knew it.
The alpha is willing to enforce the rules for his comfort, and feels no need to expend more effort than necessary to do so. There is no need to maul an inferior when a facial expression achieves the goal.
Three-quarters of the way through the movie, boyfriend gets a text and checks it. His screen caught me out of the corner of my eye and was distracting. Willing to let it slip, he checks it again five minutes later. I stand up, lean across my friend and the girl, and say, "Please take that outside."
He looks at me like I asked him to take of his clothes and sing Monty Python's Lumberjack song, but he turned it off, so I sat down to watch the movie. My pulse is about eleventy-thousand, and I can tell adrenaline is priming everything for boyfriend to start something. Much like clockwork, he does. From my peripheral vision, I see him lean forward, look at me, and raise his hand in a "WTF?" gesture. I calmly turn my head to lock eyes with him, and he says, "You should be watching the movie, not me."
I didn't blink. I just stared at him, raising my eyebrows, and he repeats his "WTF?" gesture more emphatically, and his girlfriend starts trying to get him to calm down. I give my best "you're not worth my time" face, and start watching the movie again.
When the credits start rolling, I invite my friend to leave immediately, and he's cool with that. I'm not eager to get into a fight, especially not one as mismatched as this would have been. The kid was at least 6" shorter than I, skinny, and just trying to save face because his girlfriend was there and he had something to prove. We did not hurry, and was in fight-or-flight for a good 15 minutes following our exit.
It stood out for me how different this is from how I used to react to this in theaters. I'd keep quiet and stew about it. This time, I was willing to take action, and did not feel the need to escalate beyond that, while at the same time was willing to handle the situation if he decided to escalate. He was in the wrong; he was outgunned; he knew it; and I knew he knew it.
The alpha is willing to enforce the rules for his comfort, and feels no need to expend more effort than necessary to do so. There is no need to maul an inferior when a facial expression achieves the goal.
Fear is a liar.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. -- Ernest Hemingway
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. -- Ernest Hemingway
