02-16-2026, 07:52 PM
Yesterday I didn't mention it, but I was relaxing out of my thinking mind and into my body and suddenly I had a spontaneous moment where I didn't resist my childlike urges and I rolled headfirst onto the couch. I don't think it sounds very impressive to say, but my experience of it was significant. The intelligence of the mind surrendered to the intelligence of the body. I'm becoming so deconditioned that I'm becoming a kid again (in the best way). Remember when you just used to do stuff just because and there was no point? I remember it being the best time of my life.
Also I have this weird parallel where I feel like a black hole and the sun. I'm polarized between who I used to be and who I'm becoming. The body part of me doesn't think, enjoys the moment inherently, everythings awesome. The head part is compulsively thinking, the thinking is charged with negativity at an unconscious level (it's conscious due to PRA), it's constantly trying to find value in things because it doesn't inherently feel valuable.
Day 8 of meditation challenge:
~Focus Meditation~
Time: 10 minutes
Stability: 1.5/5 | Clarity: 1.5/5 | Effort/Ease: 2/5 (1=straining, 5=effortless) | Dullness: 1.5/5 (1=very dull, 5=none)
Lots of mind wandering. Sleep hasn't been great lately and I had gone down a rabbithole and into a thinking mode before meditating. Again, it's important to keep the structure and then build on it later. Survival of the habit is the goal. Me allowing myself to do other things because I didn't feel like meditating first thing in the morning was my way of not learning to hate meditation. I seem to have picked up this intuitive sense around these things at some point running these subliminals. If I had to point to a sub that caused it, I'd guess LTU6.
~Metta Meditation~
Time: 10 minutes
Stability: 1.5/5 | Heart-warmth: 2.5/5 | Ease: 2/5 | Sincerity: 2.5/5
Not really productive. Same reason as above. Was pleasant, even if not technically productive.
As an aside I feel really good today despite being on low sleep. Thanks PRA! Anxiety, guilt and shame are being replaced by a deep felt sense of warmth and saftey :-)
Also I have this weird parallel where I feel like a black hole and the sun. I'm polarized between who I used to be and who I'm becoming. The body part of me doesn't think, enjoys the moment inherently, everythings awesome. The head part is compulsively thinking, the thinking is charged with negativity at an unconscious level (it's conscious due to PRA), it's constantly trying to find value in things because it doesn't inherently feel valuable.
Day 8 of meditation challenge:
~Focus Meditation~
Time: 10 minutes
Stability: 1.5/5 | Clarity: 1.5/5 | Effort/Ease: 2/5 (1=straining, 5=effortless) | Dullness: 1.5/5 (1=very dull, 5=none)
Lots of mind wandering. Sleep hasn't been great lately and I had gone down a rabbithole and into a thinking mode before meditating. Again, it's important to keep the structure and then build on it later. Survival of the habit is the goal. Me allowing myself to do other things because I didn't feel like meditating first thing in the morning was my way of not learning to hate meditation. I seem to have picked up this intuitive sense around these things at some point running these subliminals. If I had to point to a sub that caused it, I'd guess LTU6.
~Metta Meditation~
Time: 10 minutes
Stability: 1.5/5 | Heart-warmth: 2.5/5 | Ease: 2/5 | Sincerity: 2.5/5
Not really productive. Same reason as above. Was pleasant, even if not technically productive.
As an aside I feel really good today despite being on low sleep. Thanks PRA! Anxiety, guilt and shame are being replaced by a deep felt sense of warmth and saftey :-)
