11-15-2024, 02:53 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-15-2024, 02:54 PM by EvolvingPhoenix.)
The mixture of lust, suffering and realizations of how I feel and what I want and what's wrong with me internally that's blocking it... Ugh! This is fucking painful lately NGL.
Scorpio season and recent full moon have only exacerbated these issues.
Still, I am getting clearer about what I truly want. Not just sexually and romantically, but also out of life. What I want to become. How I want to feel about myself... Now the issue is to get whatever internal beliefs about myself are getting in the way of me achieving these. Same old shit in a sense, but... This time there's more of a deeper sense of things. It's not just what I want to receive/manifest. It's about who I want to become and how I want to feel. And believing I can do it and am worthy of it. The focus is starting to switch more onto my own state of being, rather than external factors I desire to reflect it and make me feel it. Starting to shift the focus from putting the cart before the horse to putting the horse before the cart for once. Still, there is A LOT of pain wrapped up in it. I got work in 8 minutes, but if I'm being honest enough to sound like a bitch here, real talk... I feel like I just wanna fuckin cry or pass out and go to sleep this pain off. Trying to resist the temptation to get high all day. That self medication is more self sabotage at this point, really. Ugh.
Scorpio season and recent full moon have only exacerbated these issues.
Still, I am getting clearer about what I truly want. Not just sexually and romantically, but also out of life. What I want to become. How I want to feel about myself... Now the issue is to get whatever internal beliefs about myself are getting in the way of me achieving these. Same old shit in a sense, but... This time there's more of a deeper sense of things. It's not just what I want to receive/manifest. It's about who I want to become and how I want to feel. And believing I can do it and am worthy of it. The focus is starting to switch more onto my own state of being, rather than external factors I desire to reflect it and make me feel it. Starting to shift the focus from putting the cart before the horse to putting the horse before the cart for once. Still, there is A LOT of pain wrapped up in it. I got work in 8 minutes, but if I'm being honest enough to sound like a bitch here, real talk... I feel like I just wanna fuckin cry or pass out and go to sleep this pain off. Trying to resist the temptation to get high all day. That self medication is more self sabotage at this point, really. Ugh.
E1 (3m) > E2 (6m) > E3 (3m) > UMSv1 (1.33 y) > MLS (1 yr) > UH (1yr)
