Day 202,
There's a very weird reversal of my priorities going on; I'm now feeling dread about the prospect of accomplishing my goals, and I'm avoidant of the work involved in reaching that success. It's a feeling that winning will bring on too much baggage that will drain me, and is therefore not worth it.
My inner gaze turns away from the tasks of the day, and I feel as though I'm dedicating mental effort to force my gaze back onto the task at hand. Productivity is naturally lower as a result. Meanwhile, I'm not withdrawn; I can hop on work calls and be personable, so it's not a matter of shyness or being bashful.
Literally, the runway is clear for pursuing my goals. I have the income of a job; I'm healthy; no major dramas or time/energy leeches; family is healthy. And yet my spirit animal feels like a sitting duck.
Shannon has been writing a lot about resistance from the inner child, and I'm wondering if I used to derive some perverse benefit from being glum, underachieving, or victimized by my circumstances in some way.
Still doing that modality mentioned in a previous day. It's been about one week since last listening to Maverick.
There's a very weird reversal of my priorities going on; I'm now feeling dread about the prospect of accomplishing my goals, and I'm avoidant of the work involved in reaching that success. It's a feeling that winning will bring on too much baggage that will drain me, and is therefore not worth it.
My inner gaze turns away from the tasks of the day, and I feel as though I'm dedicating mental effort to force my gaze back onto the task at hand. Productivity is naturally lower as a result. Meanwhile, I'm not withdrawn; I can hop on work calls and be personable, so it's not a matter of shyness or being bashful.
Literally, the runway is clear for pursuing my goals. I have the income of a job; I'm healthy; no major dramas or time/energy leeches; family is healthy. And yet my spirit animal feels like a sitting duck.
Shannon has been writing a lot about resistance from the inner child, and I'm wondering if I used to derive some perverse benefit from being glum, underachieving, or victimized by my circumstances in some way.
Still doing that modality mentioned in a previous day. It's been about one week since last listening to Maverick.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
