Day 10 of Stage 2
Ok I've started to notice some results.
I'm becoming more social. Almost every night I'm hanging out with friends. Over the past month or so I've made a lot of new friends and have got back into contact with some old friends I hadn't seen for months.
I feel comfortable in any social situation. I no longer have a voice in my head criticising/analysing everything I do and say. I feel comfortable being myself and have no urge to alter my behaviour around certain people.
One of my closest friends over the past 2 and a half years has stopped talking to me, he won't even say "hello" if we pass each other in the street. His girlfriend will still greet me however. It feels like I've done something to seriously offend/anger him, except I haven't. At first I was puzzled and couldn't stop thinking to myself "What have I done? Why doesn't he like me anymore?", now I simply don't care.
There were a couple of girls on my mind that I was seeing in the past. I couldn't stop thinking about these past relationships and really missed being with them. I have no love (or hate) for these people anymore, just indifference.
I'm currently studying at university and in most of my classes we have to form groups and work on a particular task. In the last three instances of group work I naturally assumed the role of leader, delegated tasks to people, managed to get people talking, and then the other group members expect me to present our findings to the rest of the class. When the group is discussing the person talking is looking at me most of the time.
In one of those groups I said a few random things and one of the girls kept laughing at what I was saying, and then at the end of the tutorial she insisted that "we should form the same group every time". I met the same girl in one of my other classes, she was sitting up the front and glanced back at me a few times. Then during the break of the class I went outside to smoke a cigarette and she touched my arm and suggested that we skip class and get coffee instead, I was hungry so I took her to lunch. During this lunch she invited me to dinner, to go out clubbing with her and her friends, she said we should go to the gym together (lol), and she insisted that I should always sit next to her in class because she's "sooo lonely". I added her on facebook and she was "liking" content from well in the past so I trust that she gave my profile a good read haha.
When I first saw this girl her beauty was very distracting and to be honest I never expected to get so much attention from her so quickly. In the past if a girl I like shows interest in me I would become somewhat obsessed with her and would become attached very easily. This time around I'm completely indifferent and would prefer to explore her social circle before getting into anything.
One of my friends keeps coming to me for relationship advice, although he probably has more experience than me lol, he probably just doesn't know that. Whenever I give him some advice he seems reassured, I think I've helped him get through some problems over the past couple of weeks.
In general I just feel more positive, I won't catch a negative thought passing through my head. I don't care what people think about me and I'm happy being myself. I'm forming new friendships and letting go of the past. I have no sense that anyone is superior or inferior to me, I truly believe that we are all equal.
I can't remember any dreams lately. One of the nights during stage two my computer crashed over night so I'll add on an extra day just to be safe. Oh and by the way I discontinued ASC during stage 1 of AM - I found it really hard to get a decent amount of exposure during the day so decided to just focus on AM.
I'll keep updating this journal every 2 weeks - 1 month.
Ok I've started to notice some results.
I'm becoming more social. Almost every night I'm hanging out with friends. Over the past month or so I've made a lot of new friends and have got back into contact with some old friends I hadn't seen for months.
I feel comfortable in any social situation. I no longer have a voice in my head criticising/analysing everything I do and say. I feel comfortable being myself and have no urge to alter my behaviour around certain people.
One of my closest friends over the past 2 and a half years has stopped talking to me, he won't even say "hello" if we pass each other in the street. His girlfriend will still greet me however. It feels like I've done something to seriously offend/anger him, except I haven't. At first I was puzzled and couldn't stop thinking to myself "What have I done? Why doesn't he like me anymore?", now I simply don't care.
There were a couple of girls on my mind that I was seeing in the past. I couldn't stop thinking about these past relationships and really missed being with them. I have no love (or hate) for these people anymore, just indifference.
I'm currently studying at university and in most of my classes we have to form groups and work on a particular task. In the last three instances of group work I naturally assumed the role of leader, delegated tasks to people, managed to get people talking, and then the other group members expect me to present our findings to the rest of the class. When the group is discussing the person talking is looking at me most of the time.
In one of those groups I said a few random things and one of the girls kept laughing at what I was saying, and then at the end of the tutorial she insisted that "we should form the same group every time". I met the same girl in one of my other classes, she was sitting up the front and glanced back at me a few times. Then during the break of the class I went outside to smoke a cigarette and she touched my arm and suggested that we skip class and get coffee instead, I was hungry so I took her to lunch. During this lunch she invited me to dinner, to go out clubbing with her and her friends, she said we should go to the gym together (lol), and she insisted that I should always sit next to her in class because she's "sooo lonely". I added her on facebook and she was "liking" content from well in the past so I trust that she gave my profile a good read haha.
When I first saw this girl her beauty was very distracting and to be honest I never expected to get so much attention from her so quickly. In the past if a girl I like shows interest in me I would become somewhat obsessed with her and would become attached very easily. This time around I'm completely indifferent and would prefer to explore her social circle before getting into anything.
One of my friends keeps coming to me for relationship advice, although he probably has more experience than me lol, he probably just doesn't know that. Whenever I give him some advice he seems reassured, I think I've helped him get through some problems over the past couple of weeks.
In general I just feel more positive, I won't catch a negative thought passing through my head. I don't care what people think about me and I'm happy being myself. I'm forming new friendships and letting go of the past. I have no sense that anyone is superior or inferior to me, I truly believe that we are all equal.
I can't remember any dreams lately. One of the nights during stage two my computer crashed over night so I'll add on an extra day just to be safe. Oh and by the way I discontinued ASC during stage 1 of AM - I found it really hard to get a decent amount of exposure during the day so decided to just focus on AM.
I'll keep updating this journal every 2 weeks - 1 month.
