06-07-2021, 11:05 AM
Day 16
Shannon said to drop the third day off, then start with increasing loops per day to 3, then adding days, so that’s what I’m doing. Today is the second day on, then I’ll take two days off, then I’ll start increasing loops.
Meanwhile, nothing to report. I’m still struggling to get up in the morning, and fighting a sense of hopelessness and pointlessness. I can still feel the fear inside it all, which is why I’m hoping that OF will be able to help.
The hopelessness is fierce. The idea that “I’m broken” has been stuck in my head, and I’ve managed to turn that into “My emotional system is broken”, which is maybe a bit better, but that doesn’t make a huge practical difference. I can’t imagine that any healthy woman would want someone with an emotional system this broken. My last girlfriend had emotional issues just as bad, if not worse, and it was exhausting trying to hold her in them, and it’s hard to be sexy in that kind of a space, so the hopelessness of the loneliness grinds on. Sure, if OF manages to fix me over the space of a year, sure, then I try something like DMSI in my mid-40s, but the more that I let myself think about my situation, the more that the idea of me finding a woman that I find attractive who finds me attractive back seems ludicrous.
Shannon said to drop the third day off, then start with increasing loops per day to 3, then adding days, so that’s what I’m doing. Today is the second day on, then I’ll take two days off, then I’ll start increasing loops.
Meanwhile, nothing to report. I’m still struggling to get up in the morning, and fighting a sense of hopelessness and pointlessness. I can still feel the fear inside it all, which is why I’m hoping that OF will be able to help.
The hopelessness is fierce. The idea that “I’m broken” has been stuck in my head, and I’ve managed to turn that into “My emotional system is broken”, which is maybe a bit better, but that doesn’t make a huge practical difference. I can’t imagine that any healthy woman would want someone with an emotional system this broken. My last girlfriend had emotional issues just as bad, if not worse, and it was exhausting trying to hold her in them, and it’s hard to be sexy in that kind of a space, so the hopelessness of the loneliness grinds on. Sure, if OF manages to fix me over the space of a year, sure, then I try something like DMSI in my mid-40s, but the more that I let myself think about my situation, the more that the idea of me finding a woman that I find attractive who finds me attractive back seems ludicrous.
I share the details of my life in my posts to help in the understanding of the effects of the subliminals I use. I am only open to advice that relates to the use of the subliminals.
