UMS Journal

[Shannon]

Completed my 2nd cycles of on days. Now in the first day of 2nd break.
Nothing much to report. Lost a chance for a job, with client deciining going forward.
Done a few little extra jobs but nothing out of the oridinary, given my work is adhoc.
Feeling a little strange, tired and sort of over-whlemed inside. Like I am getting hammered, like things are too much.
One of the loop days, had to run the loops going to sleep. Woke up feeling 4000 years old, and thinking about it, have been waking up like that alot.
Getting a bit angry inside when I am out and about, when I see people with major expensive cars... like I don't know why I cant have something come my way.
Actually, its more like I hate those rich bastards, rich people are pricks.....
havent met anymone rich so far that has been nice..... I wonder if thats it...
YOU cant have things unless you are a meanie...
tinnitus still  is severe at night.. and sometimes during the day, even with the masked....

anyway.. .not stopping.. want to crack this...

You, sir, just found the problem.

You will never allow yourself to become what you resent or hate.  You need to change your belief from "All rich people are pricks" to "Some rich people are pricks, but I can get rich and stay rich without being a prick.  I don't have to be an asshole to be rich, and I don't have to be an asshole after I become rich."

Now we are making progress.