06-14-2020, 04:28 PM
(06-14-2020, 02:57 PM)Fluffy Wrote: @Shannon
How much is wanting to be in a monogamous relationship based in fear?
My fear is that people choose a monogamous relationship based on unconscious fear, thus when in a LTR I feel like if me or my partner had no fear, we wouldn't choose a monogamous relationship. This leads me to feel that deep down my partner would prefer causal sex, open relationships, and the whole monogamous thing is just really based on a lie.
I don't consiously think this all the time, but when I think about this, I can feel into it. A part of me thinks I could be wrong, so I don't let it complelty take over me, but then I would hate to think what I have with my girlfriend is based on a lie, even if consiously we are not aware of it or even think it.
It would be interesting to hear your thoughts, thanks.
I've been thinking about this recently, especially with having some time off from girls due to certain things i've been dealing with.
Alot of it is based on fear, and programming from society. You know 'you have to settle down and get married' etc and a sad extension of this I see so much is that the husband is whipped by the wife, she manipulates him with withholding sex and such.
Like I can see for me it's fear of what she might think, that she will leave if I don't promise monogomy, what others might think, what my parents might think etc. And some people just jump into a relationship really quickly, partly due to fear and thinking "I feel like I can't get anyone else, so I just have to jump into this relationship and lock her down" which doesn't necessarily mean that will work.
Definite fear of not being able to find other girls, especially attractive ones, fear of being alone etc.
Ideally i'd like to do what Blackdragon talks about, he's been able to do it consistently. And I admit i've never been happy for long in a relationship past a brief "Everything is awesome and I really like this girl and don't care about anyone else" stage.. because i've inevitably wanted to have sex with other girls and tended to find ways to sabotage it so I can then do that. But still at the first stage have steered it towards being my 'girlfriend' because of the fears above, even though time and time again it's made me feel like crap in the end.
Even the only girl I can really say I loved in my life I still wasn't happy or 'settled' just being with her. So I tend to agree with Blackdragon that monogomy doesn't work.
