Hi there, I'm back from my ban, which now in hind-sight was understandable. I have done progress during this time, and feel better, but right now I have some sort of a low point. I arranged a new years party with some friends which was a success and I met a girl there who I went home with. She was really cute and I though we had something. I came by her some day after and dropped off some things she forgot at the party, we hanged out and just talked and it was nice. We chatted some and I felt we had a nice dynamic going, and talked about seeing each other again. But then I had a bad day of anxiety and I think some neediness showed through in my communication to her, and suddenly she just say she is busy when I suggested a day to hang out - so I just responded "ok then".
This sucks, I liked this girl and was hoping to hang out some more with her. Well, nothing to be done right now, so I'll crossing my fingers that she will maybe see the good things and give us another chance.
I at the same time feel like I got a bit to much affection towards her, and remember telling myself during the party when I made the decision to go home with her "is this really a good idea" - well right now it doesn't look like it, as it's just was one nice night and now a couple of days of anxiety after it, critisising myself and so forth and feeling my self-esteem going down the drain. I'll try bounce back from this, but she keeps popping into my head and I just want to text her, but I at the same time know that is the last thing I should do right now to have any chance of meeting her again.
Just wanted to ventilate about it.
This morning I felt stronger anxiety than I have felt in a long time, I went for a walk and had some kind of emotional release where I breathed deeply and felt relaxation reaching my body, so maybe I'm going through some extra healing right now making things a bit more intense. Also tomorrow is first day back to work after the christmas holidays so that may add into the equation of me feeling like I do right now.
This sucks, I liked this girl and was hoping to hang out some more with her. Well, nothing to be done right now, so I'll crossing my fingers that she will maybe see the good things and give us another chance.
I at the same time feel like I got a bit to much affection towards her, and remember telling myself during the party when I made the decision to go home with her "is this really a good idea" - well right now it doesn't look like it, as it's just was one nice night and now a couple of days of anxiety after it, critisising myself and so forth and feeling my self-esteem going down the drain. I'll try bounce back from this, but she keeps popping into my head and I just want to text her, but I at the same time know that is the last thing I should do right now to have any chance of meeting her again.
Just wanted to ventilate about it.
This morning I felt stronger anxiety than I have felt in a long time, I went for a walk and had some kind of emotional release where I breathed deeply and felt relaxation reaching my body, so maybe I'm going through some extra healing right now making things a bit more intense. Also tomorrow is first day back to work after the christmas holidays so that may add into the equation of me feeling like I do right now.
