10-07-2019, 02:15 PM
(10-07-2019, 01:52 PM)Shannon Wrote: The key is to understand that it's just a psychological manipulation based on generating fear, guilt and shame of offending them. They seek out ways and reasons to "be offended" and then they loudly proclaim their "offendedness", and the more people who can hear and see it the better.
The way to break the cycle is to stop giving them what they want in response to their "being offended". What they want is control. They want to manipulate you into doing/giving them whatever it is they want. When you become immune to the guilt/shame/fear, and simply stop caring if you offend them or not (because really, they're not offended, they're just claiming to be in order to achieve their goals; being offended is one of many ways a person can respond to that situation, and it's a choice), it no longer gets them what they want.
When you do this for the first time, the sky will fall. There will be an explosion of offendedness and guilt/shame and fear tactics. You have to explain calmly, that being offended in response to XYZ is a choice, and it is not a reasonable one. It's a choice they made to gain control, and you are no longer playing their game. Tell them to be as offended as they like, but you choose to be unaffected by their choice to be offended. And then go about your life as you would if they were not even there when they start pulling their BS.
"Oh, that old crap again? *Yawn*"
As long as you're consistent and they can see that their tactics are genuinely ineffective and no longer work, they will eventually stop choosing to be offended at everything, and switch to something else. You may want to reinforce positive responses, and ignore or again remain unaffected by negative ones in how they choose to respond.
I found this tactic made a HUGE positive difference for me.
Thank you, great reply. Will keep this in mins.
