09-08-2019, 10:53 AM
A piece of me is thinking maybe I should have stuck with E3 and gotten the DRS to go with it. But it's like... I want to break out of the rut I'm in. Nothing feels satisfying on a day to day basis. I'm not passionate about anything. Not even my schooling. I'm trying to develop a spiritual practice and meditate every day, but I can't seem to become mindful. EVERYTHING bores me: music, videogames, TV, Youtube, Porn, everything. I'm hoping this UMS sub will kick in and make me passionate about money, so there will be SOMETHING in my life I'm passionate about. I feel like my life is just really unsatisfying and a lot needs to change. But I don't know how to change it. I'm meditating a lot and trying to become present, but even that's not helping me much. And I'm stuck in these same habits of boredly watching YT vids that don't interest me, checking different forums with no real feedback and even when I get feedback or something interesting pops up, it keeps me interested only for a bit. I jerk off very unenthusiastically, no matter what porn I'm watching. I don't like my current friendships. My classes are difficult but at the same time unrewarding. I'm just losing passion for life. And what should hve been revitalizing for me (the Babymetal concert) only ended on a down note that still affects me and has me rethinking the closest friendship I have, and makes me realize how boring my day to day life is in comparison. I can't live like this, but I know no other way to live. I'm trying to develop presence, but I'm struggling, and I'm just chronically bored. I wish I could consult my online mentor, but he's out until mid-December. I dunno what to do. I'm really hoping UMS will give me direction and passion in life. I'm really hoping my life will get better with this sub.
