08-09-2019, 01:12 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-09-2019, 01:19 PM by EvolvingPhoenix.)
I feel like my life is... I dunno. I can't say it's moving at a bad speed. I mean, I'm getting college going, E3 progress is good, I'm working with an employment specialist, I'm donating plasma and getting money for UMS and MLS. So my life's moving forward and coming along. But I still feel like... I dunno. Like I'm still just sitting on my ass. I guess there's stuff I could be doing, but it's hard to get a consistent routine down. I also struggle to find motivation quite often. I'm hoping that once I go on UMS, I'll be really productive. And I'm hoping a year of UMS will put me in a position to explore my creative pursuits, go to school and do everything else at a consistent and productive pace. I really wish I was better at learning instruments. I really wish I could sing and growl and sing with distortion and all that good stuff. It IS a goal of mine, down the line, along with a lot of other creative goals: Learning guitar, learning keyboard, learning to fingerdrum and program music, learning music recording and production, improving my drawing and painting skills, learning to woodcarve art, learning to make guitars (which would require money for power tools and supplies) learning tarot, etc. There's a lot of things I want to learn, but I've got no routine, little motivation and no discipline. I guess I just gotta slowly get into the right groove, and work on things bit by bit. Getting my finances and education in order while making time to do vocal and guitar practice is my main goal, along with emotional healing. I'm going to school, so there's the education part. I'm on E3 and seeing a therapist, so there's the healing. Hopefully UMS will help me get my finances together. As for guitar and vocals? Well, I've got some free warmups, exercises and routines put together utilizing free online resources. Drawing, I just gotta start doing. Painting and wood carving will come later.
I guess my problem is, I just don't feel like I can "Get in the zone" you know? And that's what I want: to be in the zone, and have all the freedom, time and resources I need. I gotta realize Rome wasn't built in a day and things take time. Still, I'm impatient to have everything in order. And it feels all out of order and chaotic right now. Hopefully that will change soon.
I also wanna start getting laid, but that's not as big a priority as that other stuff.
I guess my problem is, I just don't feel like I can "Get in the zone" you know? And that's what I want: to be in the zone, and have all the freedom, time and resources I need. I gotta realize Rome wasn't built in a day and things take time. Still, I'm impatient to have everything in order. And it feels all out of order and chaotic right now. Hopefully that will change soon.
I also wanna start getting laid, but that's not as big a priority as that other stuff.
