Findingme's LTU5 Journal

[findingme]

You, sir, are the one choosing to use it and execute it.  That thanks should go to you.

From what I wrote, you are correct.  I was afraid to say clearly thank you for making and sharing LTU with us.  Years ago I would have easily said to myself "anything I try for emotional freedom will leave me hopeless".  I felt that.  It's why I was on and off with 12 step groups, mostly off with therapy or counseling, and just bouncing around but disappointed with any real useful aids.  I'd gotten used to being disappointed.  

At this moment, I'm crying some.  Not because of my mom and that truth.  But since right now I'm facing forward, looking into freedom while at the same time my old fears are seeking to keep me in their tracks.  I'm sad since I'm actually moving forward, leaving something behind.  I've heard real change will cause some grief, as I have identified with old patterns heavily.  I'm not worried about it.  I'm going through it.  And an old fear even popped up this last 20 seconds screaming and crying "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!"  I think it's afraid of dying.  So I'm on/off with grieving this change.  

I just flashed back, looking for old norms.  I see them, but as I try to put myself in those old patterns, something in me silently and quickly steps forward and again stands there, firmly.  It doesn't allow retreat.  I remember doing this with E2 at times, but it was not as stubborn or powerful.  So I could easily retreat into some major old patterns if I persisted.  LTU is not so willing to allow this.  And that makes all the difference in the world.

So, thank you for producing LTU5.  The change is evident in me, and I'm grateful you took the time and effort to complete this.  It is making a difference inside me.

Thank you.

P.S.  I'm still learning how to accept compliments.  I'm asking myself now "why haven't I wanted to accept good things?"  More change to come.