07-07-2019, 09:52 PM
Oh shit. I just realized, that last post was technically a new day! I keep doing that lately: posting a new day's post late into the night, after midnight.
I'll just write my post for day 38 when I wake up tomorrow. And hopefully, I'll be able to let all this go.
I just have to remind myself: I DO deserve better, in spite of everything I did wrong. And I can give myself all the love and understanding I need.
Why do I care so much whether she knows it or not? Why do I care that she thinks I deserve this judgement and treatment? Why do I care that she wouldn't treat be so cruel to herself like this if she were in my situation? Why do I care that she can't be honest, look inward and see how she herself has it in her to do the things I've done? Why do I care that she rejects the self she sees in me? Why can't I seem to just let this go? Why am I holding onto this?
I have to let it go. I have to just let it go. There's nothing I can do to change her. I have to give myself the forgiveness and understanding I've been denied. I have to learn to appreciate that forgiveness and understanding. So many people on this forum and the other I go to sometimes have been supportive and understanding, in spite of what I've revealed about myself. I need to accept that THAT'S what I truly deserve and be grateful for it. Thank you all for your support and your understanding and your willingness to keep supporting me, even knowing what I've revealed about myself. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Your support means a lot to me.
And Shannon, thank you especially for giving me the tools I need to move forward. I don't know what I would have done without your help. One of these days, I'm going to be in a position to promote your product and bring you more business, you have my word. Even if it takes years to get there. I won't forget all you've done for me, and I will repay you.
I'll just write my post for day 38 when I wake up tomorrow. And hopefully, I'll be able to let all this go.
I just have to remind myself: I DO deserve better, in spite of everything I did wrong. And I can give myself all the love and understanding I need.
Why do I care so much whether she knows it or not? Why do I care that she thinks I deserve this judgement and treatment? Why do I care that she wouldn't treat be so cruel to herself like this if she were in my situation? Why do I care that she can't be honest, look inward and see how she herself has it in her to do the things I've done? Why do I care that she rejects the self she sees in me? Why can't I seem to just let this go? Why am I holding onto this?
I have to let it go. I have to just let it go. There's nothing I can do to change her. I have to give myself the forgiveness and understanding I've been denied. I have to learn to appreciate that forgiveness and understanding. So many people on this forum and the other I go to sometimes have been supportive and understanding, in spite of what I've revealed about myself. I need to accept that THAT'S what I truly deserve and be grateful for it. Thank you all for your support and your understanding and your willingness to keep supporting me, even knowing what I've revealed about myself. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Your support means a lot to me.
And Shannon, thank you especially for giving me the tools I need to move forward. I don't know what I would have done without your help. One of these days, I'm going to be in a position to promote your product and bring you more business, you have my word. Even if it takes years to get there. I won't forget all you've done for me, and I will repay you.
