07-06-2019, 04:22 PM
(07-06-2019, 09:46 AM)Greenduck Wrote: I have a feeling like I never knew who I was. Like life have just felt like a movie, not like the real thing through my life. Like I wasted the opportunity to develop myself. Like so much of my life have been wasted. I know other members also have written about it, so it's probably the sub at work. Maybe the letting go of the past, things that are healing from my past that's now coming to surface. I stick with the feeling and let it play out, knowing that it doesn't really matter what I have missed, only what is in front of me and what I can do with my life.
I want to connect with people. Make people laugh. Have good times. Be loved. Love. Be attracted to others, become attractive myself. Experience the excitement of taking on challenges in life, challenging myself. Be present. Cry, be vulnerable, take risks - and LIVE. I feel it's coming. It's something down under that's happening and I feel that I am close to tears. I want to be me, and I want to be proud and happy about being me, and knowing what that means.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I let SO MUCH of my life pass me by, but what I got is what's in front of me, not what's behind me. So I'm practicing the SAME DAMN RIFF to Thunderkiss '65 over and over again each day until I hav it down pat, then I get the rest of the song, then Black Sunshine, then a few more White Zombie songs, then I get to Metallica. That's the plan: Slowly, but surely. One thing I've learned from this website is whatever you choose is what you get. I choose to become a musician, come hell or high water, even if I'm already pushing 30 and I'm just starting, and all I can do right now is one riff, and I can't even do that well yet. I'll get there, slowly but surely.
