I am 3 days more to stage 3.
FYI, i come from the place that I don't feel worthy and have low self confidence. I don't even have courage to post something on this forum. I always follow and read about other people journal, but I was scared to participate. That was me before.
Now I am on Stage 2, and here are my update journal.
(Day 1)
This is the first day of Stage 2 and I listened to it for more than 12 hours. I tried to get maximum exposure by doing that because I consider this as transition from Stage 1 and stage 2, so I need to adjust the time exposure of this new stuff into my subconscious. When I am listening to it, I just feel happy.
(Day 5)
Today I felt amazing because I was feeling happy when I worked. I have confidence and I become more patient and understand people. Social anxiety is still the issue, I became uncomfortable meeting people.
(Day 6)
I just felt happy and happy, and have great “calm” inside. Maybe this is what we call “Zen Attitude”
(Day7)
Today in the morning when I was working, I felt very positive and energetic. I felt care free and strong, I don’t give a shit attitude! I also noticed that I felt have great confidence, and this helps me a lot to feel I am “better person.” The problem is still there, social anxiety. I tend to become uncomfortable meeting people that I don’t know. I still feel between needy or not, because in one time I really want to talk and get to know Vivian, because I want to “bedding” her, but in the same time I felt that I don’t really care whether I can get her. This is an issue that I need to settle. I am still learning the way to interact with women and deal with my approach anxiety. I have feeling understanding of other people.
May 9 (Day 12)
I have final project presentation today. I did affirmation about presentation thing, and I didn’t get nervous on the presentation day. The one that SHOCK me and make me SAD a lot was the fact that I don’t feel like to talk to other people today, and it seemed I look unfriendly and lost the opportunity to get the job offer. I am really questioning the program that I listening right now because I thought I was improved, but I still can’t socialize in that venue. I really disappointed with what happened today. Not because of presentation, which we did well and clients seem satisfied, but in fact that I found myself “isolate” myself… Pretty disappointed to know this thing is “still” within me.
Day 17 - Mother’s Day
Today I dreamt about rabbit over 9.30 am to 12pm. I dreamt that my family found a rabbit during travel. One day, I took care that rabbit (the rabbit color is kind of dark, either dark or grey). I gave it food, but it didn’t want to eat, and one time a cat appeared and imitated the “voice” when we called the rabbit, and suddenly ate one of its ears.
I took it home, and my mom saw it, but she didn’t react or asked me, or yelled me because of the rabbit condition. We kept try to gave it foods, but it always reject us, because it got injured and maybe the rabbit lost appetite because of that. We took it to the veterinary and we got it took care by them. The rabbit is 6 years old. Finally it recovered, and lives until 9 years, even though in my dream that rabbit life span is only 8 years. In the dream I also remembered that I always carried on that rabbit.
Now after I woke up, I am feeling happy and have positive thought about myself, my future, and I have confidence that I can make a lot of money (it looks like the real feeling) from businesses and also I have hope regarding my job and career. When I checked “career-in- accounting”, I felt happy and impassioned about what I can get or I want to do.
FYI, i come from the place that I don't feel worthy and have low self confidence. I don't even have courage to post something on this forum. I always follow and read about other people journal, but I was scared to participate. That was me before.
Now I am on Stage 2, and here are my update journal.
(Day 1)
This is the first day of Stage 2 and I listened to it for more than 12 hours. I tried to get maximum exposure by doing that because I consider this as transition from Stage 1 and stage 2, so I need to adjust the time exposure of this new stuff into my subconscious. When I am listening to it, I just feel happy.
(Day 5)
Today I felt amazing because I was feeling happy when I worked. I have confidence and I become more patient and understand people. Social anxiety is still the issue, I became uncomfortable meeting people.
(Day 6)
I just felt happy and happy, and have great “calm” inside. Maybe this is what we call “Zen Attitude”
(Day7)
Today in the morning when I was working, I felt very positive and energetic. I felt care free and strong, I don’t give a shit attitude! I also noticed that I felt have great confidence, and this helps me a lot to feel I am “better person.” The problem is still there, social anxiety. I tend to become uncomfortable meeting people that I don’t know. I still feel between needy or not, because in one time I really want to talk and get to know Vivian, because I want to “bedding” her, but in the same time I felt that I don’t really care whether I can get her. This is an issue that I need to settle. I am still learning the way to interact with women and deal with my approach anxiety. I have feeling understanding of other people.
May 9 (Day 12)
I have final project presentation today. I did affirmation about presentation thing, and I didn’t get nervous on the presentation day. The one that SHOCK me and make me SAD a lot was the fact that I don’t feel like to talk to other people today, and it seemed I look unfriendly and lost the opportunity to get the job offer. I am really questioning the program that I listening right now because I thought I was improved, but I still can’t socialize in that venue. I really disappointed with what happened today. Not because of presentation, which we did well and clients seem satisfied, but in fact that I found myself “isolate” myself… Pretty disappointed to know this thing is “still” within me.
Day 17 - Mother’s Day
Today I dreamt about rabbit over 9.30 am to 12pm. I dreamt that my family found a rabbit during travel. One day, I took care that rabbit (the rabbit color is kind of dark, either dark or grey). I gave it food, but it didn’t want to eat, and one time a cat appeared and imitated the “voice” when we called the rabbit, and suddenly ate one of its ears.
I took it home, and my mom saw it, but she didn’t react or asked me, or yelled me because of the rabbit condition. We kept try to gave it foods, but it always reject us, because it got injured and maybe the rabbit lost appetite because of that. We took it to the veterinary and we got it took care by them. The rabbit is 6 years old. Finally it recovered, and lives until 9 years, even though in my dream that rabbit life span is only 8 years. In the dream I also remembered that I always carried on that rabbit.
Now after I woke up, I am feeling happy and have positive thought about myself, my future, and I have confidence that I can make a lot of money (it looks like the real feeling) from businesses and also I have hope regarding my job and career. When I checked “career-in- accounting”, I felt happy and impassioned about what I can get or I want to do.
It is not the goodbyes that hurt but the flashbacks that follow.....
