Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

@Shannon Glad that I can be of help in someone in that case. I don't think it will take much longer though like I said. I feel like with the ME complete the only missing part of the puzzle is the completed FRM since fear is the main cause of my condition.

As for my situation right now still a hard choice between Korea and China right now despite something new coming up. Found out that since China requires my documents to be prepared a different way I would need to spend an additional 200 USD or so to have them prepared that way. Thing is even with that start up cost would still be cheaper than Korea due to in Korea I would have to spend about 1000 USD to buy a car to get around along with associated fees for registering it (a fee and 15% of the cars total cost which seems ridiculous to me). In China I wouldn't have to do this since their public transportation is so good that you don't even need a car anyway and if I get a job with accommodation provided the school is usually within walking distance.

I will still see which I choose but I do admit that China is looking better at this point despite the internet censorship and initial language barrier. Now with that out of the way I did notice something 2 days ago that was interesting at least for me. Even though I was watching a Korean movie this could apply to most movies I keep seeing all the time. Its like I can instantly see the indoctrination in certain media even more than I did before and it doesn't just make me slightly uncomfortable now. It literally makes me disgusted in ways. I see it now and fully understand now why I was so needy and beta in the past. Its like males growing up are constantly fed this stuff in media that makes it seem like these traits are some kind of virtue when they aren't.

I won't name the movie in Particular but I will go over the main points. Movie is basically one of those epidemic type movies where there is some contagious disease that kills people within 36 hours and so they need to lock down the city pretty much. What I want to draw attention to is one of the main characters who is male. Dude keeps on chasing this one chick (who's life he saved at the beginning of the movie) and she just keeps on acting like a bitch to him. Despite this he keeps on trying to act nice and do helpful things for her and her young daughter. That was already irritating me but the last straw came at about half way through the film.

The mother, a doctor, realizes as they are getting sorted, which determines whether they go to the infect camp or non-infected camp, into a quarantine that her daughter has the disease which is contagious. There is a distraction when its her turn somewhat so she sort of tells her daughter to sneak ahead so that they are broken apart. Therefore she threatens the entire camp that isn't infected with infection smh. But wait, there's more. Turns out after getting her blood tested she is infected as well so they come looking for her in the camp. They had just walked out of their tent (The mother, daughter, and male) and gotten a few feet away when they realize they were looking for them. They stop them and ask for a specific person by case number. The guy, who is not infected then proceeds to do the most needy and idiotic thing.

He takes her place at the infected camp risking himself getting infected and therefore letting those 2 stay in the safe camp and risking getting all those people infected and dying smh. I turned it off at that point because the neediness and idiocy was just too much. Despite all this this movie does still have a 4 star rating out of 5. All I've learned from this movie so far is:

- Even if I get rejected as a male over and over by a women who acts like a complete bitch I'm suppose to just keep degrading myself by continuous trying to help her and be nice to her.
- my life means absolutely nothing compared to a women's and so I should be willing to sacrifice it at a moments notice.
- I should be willing to put other's people's very lives in danger because I love a women.
- If I show her how much I love her she will just magically start to realize my value and start treating me better.

Ugh, its after seeing stuff like this I realize even more why men have such a masculinity crisis at the moment. Messages like this are constantly being pumped into their mind and these traits are seen as some kind of positive. Now that I think about it though more often than not it seems like in most stories I see when the person is motivated by his actual goals, dreams, ambition he seems to be portrayed as the villain most of the time. Apparently, Heroes are only seem to be motivated by doing stuff for women or constantly being self sacrificial to the point of absurdity. As if your just a robot who's life doesn't matter at all. Your only purpose is to sacrifice your life for others constantly.

With my new outlook I do have problems with this view. It was a view I already left behind because I realized my life "does" matter and I'm not simply here to sacrifice every part of my life for another, to be some slave to the collective. My life does have meaning and purpose outside of some groups wants and needs. It seems to be a recurring message to certain men today that their lives don't mean anything and therefore they should sacrifice them on a moments notice because of that or if not that just sacrifice their time and energy. Anyway, I thought I would talk about that since it did bother me quite a bit. Seems like these type of messages are everywhere and its no wonder some of us turn out like that.