06-12-2019, 05:58 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-12-2019, 06:05 AM by EvolvingPhoenix.)
Day 12:
Thinking about the friendship breakup again. I just remembered that I blocked her before she told me to never speak to her again by proxy, so I shouldn't judge her for that. I wish we could work things out. I know we COULD if we both wanted to. But we don't both want to, and that hurts. She judges me for past mistakes, and maybe some might say she judges me fairly, considering how I've been in the past, but considering how much I've changed, she does not judge me ACCURATELY. So how is it fair? Oh well. I forgive her for that. I probably haven't been judging her accurately or fairly either. And it's time I give her the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. I wish she doubted her own unfair judgement of me enough to give me the benefit of the doubt. But she doesn't. I also recognize I absolutely suck at creative visualization and don't know how to practice it, so I probably won't be able to use the becoming method to rebuild those burned bridges, even if I want to. So it's probably for the best that I just accept all this and once more, shift my attention to people who DO love me and DO think I'm worth making a relationship work with. If I were able to use the becoming method, I'd give it one last shot, giving her the benefit of the doubts I have regarding my judgements of her, but I'm not able to, especially not at that advanced a level, and I don't know how to practice it.
Thinking about the friendship breakup again. I just remembered that I blocked her before she told me to never speak to her again by proxy, so I shouldn't judge her for that. I wish we could work things out. I know we COULD if we both wanted to. But we don't both want to, and that hurts. She judges me for past mistakes, and maybe some might say she judges me fairly, considering how I've been in the past, but considering how much I've changed, she does not judge me ACCURATELY. So how is it fair? Oh well. I forgive her for that. I probably haven't been judging her accurately or fairly either. And it's time I give her the benefit of the doubt whenever possible. I wish she doubted her own unfair judgement of me enough to give me the benefit of the doubt. But she doesn't. I also recognize I absolutely suck at creative visualization and don't know how to practice it, so I probably won't be able to use the becoming method to rebuild those burned bridges, even if I want to. So it's probably for the best that I just accept all this and once more, shift my attention to people who DO love me and DO think I'm worth making a relationship work with. If I were able to use the becoming method, I'd give it one last shot, giving her the benefit of the doubts I have regarding my judgements of her, but I'm not able to, especially not at that advanced a level, and I don't know how to practice it.
