Day 50: Yesterday, I had an impacting experience that was a life lesson to me. I was at a public park, and I sat at a bench quite far from other people, it was a place where I had a good view of the park, and whatever was going around. I heard my intuition, telling me to put the bag I was carrying on my left side, at the bench... but I didn't identified it as my intuition, and I though: "wtf... it's okay to have it on the right side". And I left it on my right side.
I saw a man from far away coming towards me, from the right side. I felt he would be quite uninteresting to relate with, menacing energy. I rejected the facts, and looked away (second time I ignored my intuition). When I looked back, it was late, he was already very close to me.
He began talking to me, first asking me for a cigarette, I don't smoke so I tell him that. Soon he was asking me for money, trying to make me afraid, saying things like he was drug addict, needed a dose, had AIDS, he wouldn't control how crazy he might get... I was handling it all very nicely, I felt fears but they didn't had much power over me. My intuition was telling me that there was really nothing to be afraid of, I know I'm protected, and this was an experience I had to face.
Soon, he was menacing to kill me, lol. He was really trying hard to make me afraid, but I was just uncomfortable at most, haha. It's all because I was unwilling to give him money for drugs (that wouldn't solve his issue). He asked me if I wanted to see blood, saying he would take out a knife, and that he didn't cared the people around... maybe he didn't even had one. But it was nice, fear showing up in me, my intuition and evidence showing me it was all being super benevolent. I had no escape route... I could have run, but if so, I would have to leave my bag behind, which I was really unwilling to do.
After a lot of minutes talking to him... very different states in both of us, I ended up giving him money as it seemed there was no other good enough way to end the situation. I only had a 20 euro bill, and he first gave me an euro he had, lol... to try to convince me to give him. So in the end I only gave him 19. Afterwards, I began asking myself what was the message behind that experience, the lessons to learn, as I kept cleaning on the remaining fears and things that moved within my body and mind.
It was very nice to have had that chance to face those fears, as from practicing positive thinking I tended to bury them instead of facing them properly and letting them go. As a lesson on its own, it happened to be way more powerful than many self help programs, faster and way cheaper! So I soon felt really happy that it happened to me like that.
Well, the most important realization came after a bit of thinking, with some imagination. Even I was absolutely sure that I was safe... what if he had killed me? Despite the zero chance of that happening, I thought: if I died, would I be content with the life I had? The answer is no... I left a lot of dreams unfulfilled, from not going past comfort zone and fears. Then I made a choice to stop postponing things I wanted to do, and stop staying so much inside my comfort zone. I'll go after my dreams. I'm now way more willing to live my life like there's no tomorrow.
So I called friends to go out with. One of them is a quite good natural, and very good friend of me, that I didn't saw for more than a year. It was nice that I stepped into making new friends, but it was a bit silly to stop hanging out with him. I'll meet with him in two hours. I contacted another friend that I don't see often anymore, but that we both agreed to hang out sometime again. Instead of leaving it for later, I called him.
For last night, I didn't came up with anyone available to go out with. But, I decided to step outside my comfort zone and go out to have fun, anyway. So even I felt scared, I went out anyway on my own. I had to motivate myself, and give me some safety, while I was driving towards where I decided to go, as I really wanted to have fun no matter what (even if I had to be all lonely the whole night). I used affirmations like: I can't wait to see the amazingly good things that are going to happen to me.
I entered a club and there wasn't many people, so I stepped outside and went for another club. This time I checked how it felt, and the place had good vibes, good music and enough people (so I could potentially relate with them, and so I wouldn't seem so much as a lone wolf). Soon after I entered, I ordered a beer, and began dancing. At times, I felt a bit uncomfortable, but I let the feelings go, and it was quite easy to discard thoughts and have fun in the moment on my own.
It happened that a (female) cousin of mine was there, together with a friend. I didn't noticed it was her, lol, but she did instead :p Hahaha. I was a bit uncomfortable at first because I didn't wanted to be needy about now having someone to be with... So I found a balance by being non attached to them, and still having fun by my own, and relating with other people also. In the end, we were really comfortable being together as a group, and we had fun... Another amazing good thing that happened to me
was that I got a free beer, and a free bottle of water, hahaha. 
I saw a man from far away coming towards me, from the right side. I felt he would be quite uninteresting to relate with, menacing energy. I rejected the facts, and looked away (second time I ignored my intuition). When I looked back, it was late, he was already very close to me.
He began talking to me, first asking me for a cigarette, I don't smoke so I tell him that. Soon he was asking me for money, trying to make me afraid, saying things like he was drug addict, needed a dose, had AIDS, he wouldn't control how crazy he might get... I was handling it all very nicely, I felt fears but they didn't had much power over me. My intuition was telling me that there was really nothing to be afraid of, I know I'm protected, and this was an experience I had to face.
Soon, he was menacing to kill me, lol. He was really trying hard to make me afraid, but I was just uncomfortable at most, haha. It's all because I was unwilling to give him money for drugs (that wouldn't solve his issue). He asked me if I wanted to see blood, saying he would take out a knife, and that he didn't cared the people around... maybe he didn't even had one. But it was nice, fear showing up in me, my intuition and evidence showing me it was all being super benevolent. I had no escape route... I could have run, but if so, I would have to leave my bag behind, which I was really unwilling to do.
After a lot of minutes talking to him... very different states in both of us, I ended up giving him money as it seemed there was no other good enough way to end the situation. I only had a 20 euro bill, and he first gave me an euro he had, lol... to try to convince me to give him. So in the end I only gave him 19. Afterwards, I began asking myself what was the message behind that experience, the lessons to learn, as I kept cleaning on the remaining fears and things that moved within my body and mind.
It was very nice to have had that chance to face those fears, as from practicing positive thinking I tended to bury them instead of facing them properly and letting them go. As a lesson on its own, it happened to be way more powerful than many self help programs, faster and way cheaper! So I soon felt really happy that it happened to me like that.
Well, the most important realization came after a bit of thinking, with some imagination. Even I was absolutely sure that I was safe... what if he had killed me? Despite the zero chance of that happening, I thought: if I died, would I be content with the life I had? The answer is no... I left a lot of dreams unfulfilled, from not going past comfort zone and fears. Then I made a choice to stop postponing things I wanted to do, and stop staying so much inside my comfort zone. I'll go after my dreams. I'm now way more willing to live my life like there's no tomorrow.
So I called friends to go out with. One of them is a quite good natural, and very good friend of me, that I didn't saw for more than a year. It was nice that I stepped into making new friends, but it was a bit silly to stop hanging out with him. I'll meet with him in two hours. I contacted another friend that I don't see often anymore, but that we both agreed to hang out sometime again. Instead of leaving it for later, I called him.
For last night, I didn't came up with anyone available to go out with. But, I decided to step outside my comfort zone and go out to have fun, anyway. So even I felt scared, I went out anyway on my own. I had to motivate myself, and give me some safety, while I was driving towards where I decided to go, as I really wanted to have fun no matter what (even if I had to be all lonely the whole night). I used affirmations like: I can't wait to see the amazingly good things that are going to happen to me.
I entered a club and there wasn't many people, so I stepped outside and went for another club. This time I checked how it felt, and the place had good vibes, good music and enough people (so I could potentially relate with them, and so I wouldn't seem so much as a lone wolf). Soon after I entered, I ordered a beer, and began dancing. At times, I felt a bit uncomfortable, but I let the feelings go, and it was quite easy to discard thoughts and have fun in the moment on my own.
It happened that a (female) cousin of mine was there, together with a friend. I didn't noticed it was her, lol, but she did instead :p Hahaha. I was a bit uncomfortable at first because I didn't wanted to be needy about now having someone to be with... So I found a balance by being non attached to them, and still having fun by my own, and relating with other people also. In the end, we were really comfortable being together as a group, and we had fun... Another amazing good thing that happened to me
was that I got a free beer, and a free bottle of water, hahaha.
UMS
