05-29-2019, 05:49 PM
@Griffin I'm glad I can help with my post
@EvolvingPhoenix I will write up a response to that later because I rather get on to some other topic. I think you are still majorly misunderstanding what I am getting at seeing as I am not fully disagreeing with you whatsoever. So I don't get why you keep on bringing that up as it does perplex me as I did not disagree. The only thing I would say about my position that might be different is that I am more nuanced.
Anyway, I have discovered something recently. My brain currently seems to be acting like some simulator of sorts. Its like I know what my goals are, what I need to do in the next 6 months (for example), what choices I need to make, and what could be the different results if I decide to do one thing over another. All this happens within seconds and its like I am able to realistically envision these things and how they will play out. I don't know what this is but I would be willing to guess this is a side effect of the Ultra Success module of the sub. My goals are clear in my mind and its like I instinctively know what I need to do to achieve them. Even though I don't like labeling myself anymore if some of you remember I was personality tested as a INTP/J type. I feels like ever since this transformation of sorts that not only did my primary and secondary functions go into overdrive but my least used functions have risen significantly.
I would guess this is my intuition in combination with something else. I also notice that I am more readily able to process emotions and don't fear processing them at all really. Even dealing with emotions used to be a big sticking point for me but not anymore. I seem to mostly be in this highly elevated zen, knowing type state. Its almost like my consciousness had some kind of upgrade as well. I hate to use the term because it might sound arrogant but its like some kind of Enlightened state. Almost like most things can't touch me on a mental level and I won't allow something to influence me unless I want it to. The last part seems to mostly pertain to emotions. Like I am allowing myself to feel a certain emotion but only to a certain degree where its not overpowering.
It is like I just allow the emotion to pass through me, feel it, understand it, and then I just let it pass. I just see my emotions as a natural part of myself and not some enemy. The greater issue is to maintain control of the emotion but also let it pass through. Also the control of the emotion must not come from a place of fear. In my case it used to be a "fear" of losing control itself. This would make me overdo things and totally shut myself down emotionally in response but of course you can only keep emotions shutdown for so long. They need to come out eventually. I'm starting to understand even more why I was such an emotional rek due to this. Now everything is a lot clearer though and my emotions don't get in the way of my rationality. More than anything it feels like they have optimized to boost my rational ability in someways.
Either way given my sleep patterns I feel like this metamorphosis is not over yet. I have the feeling that my sleep patterns will return to normal once this transformation is fully over. As of now I am so tired a lot of the time. I might add as well that I have pretty much no desire for videos games or watching youtube videos. The only exception I have seemed to notice with youtube videos, related to that Kreia video I posted, is if the content is philosophical in nature and actually offers some better to one's mind. I find most video content on youtube to just be mostly bitching and complaining about various things without either offering any real solutions or the thing they are bitching about really doesn't matter in the end.
As a side note, I have been in contact with a Korean recruiting company. I had already got a few offers from places in China but out of the 5 I saw I only saw 2 that looked worth it and even those had issues with them. Therefore I contacted a company in Korea and now going to move forward with that since things look pretty good. There might be a chance I might only have to work 4 hours a day as well which would be very good. Would give me more time to explore Korea and be more laid back. Another thing is also that I would be getting 26 paid vacation days off and that is not including national holidays which would bring it up to 7 weeks per year. So, not a really bad gig when you add in that and free accommodation.
The other thing that is on my mind is whether I might switch back to DMSI right before I leave. Part of it is so I can finally experience the sub with less to no resistance and the other thing is I am interested to see what my results will be like in Korea. Granted, I have no doubt I will get the results I want but on the other hand having this transformation has made me question whether I even want all that. I'm finding more enjoyment from my continual self improvement than the idea of any "relationship". I'm finding the prospect of a relationship being boring on some level. Funny, there would have been a time where I was so needy and even thirsty to a degree that the prospect of staying in a relationship just for sex was good enough for me. Now? I barely even care and the idea of staying in some relationships just because she is beautiful and can offer me consistent sex almost disgusts me in some ways.
When I say that I don't mean that in some male feminist type of way either. I just guess that I am not as easily impressed anymore along with not being as needy. It seems since I have mastery over myself that sexual urges are just one of those things I might have to fulfill every once in a while but it is not a big deal anymore. It is not this priority that trumps all other priorities. I control my sex drive instead of my sex drive controlling me. It seems like self development is a much more important priority to me.
Anyway, that's about most of the the changes for now. Will see you guys later.
@EvolvingPhoenix I will write up a response to that later because I rather get on to some other topic. I think you are still majorly misunderstanding what I am getting at seeing as I am not fully disagreeing with you whatsoever. So I don't get why you keep on bringing that up as it does perplex me as I did not disagree. The only thing I would say about my position that might be different is that I am more nuanced.
Anyway, I have discovered something recently. My brain currently seems to be acting like some simulator of sorts. Its like I know what my goals are, what I need to do in the next 6 months (for example), what choices I need to make, and what could be the different results if I decide to do one thing over another. All this happens within seconds and its like I am able to realistically envision these things and how they will play out. I don't know what this is but I would be willing to guess this is a side effect of the Ultra Success module of the sub. My goals are clear in my mind and its like I instinctively know what I need to do to achieve them. Even though I don't like labeling myself anymore if some of you remember I was personality tested as a INTP/J type. I feels like ever since this transformation of sorts that not only did my primary and secondary functions go into overdrive but my least used functions have risen significantly.
I would guess this is my intuition in combination with something else. I also notice that I am more readily able to process emotions and don't fear processing them at all really. Even dealing with emotions used to be a big sticking point for me but not anymore. I seem to mostly be in this highly elevated zen, knowing type state. Its almost like my consciousness had some kind of upgrade as well. I hate to use the term because it might sound arrogant but its like some kind of Enlightened state. Almost like most things can't touch me on a mental level and I won't allow something to influence me unless I want it to. The last part seems to mostly pertain to emotions. Like I am allowing myself to feel a certain emotion but only to a certain degree where its not overpowering.
It is like I just allow the emotion to pass through me, feel it, understand it, and then I just let it pass. I just see my emotions as a natural part of myself and not some enemy. The greater issue is to maintain control of the emotion but also let it pass through. Also the control of the emotion must not come from a place of fear. In my case it used to be a "fear" of losing control itself. This would make me overdo things and totally shut myself down emotionally in response but of course you can only keep emotions shutdown for so long. They need to come out eventually. I'm starting to understand even more why I was such an emotional rek due to this. Now everything is a lot clearer though and my emotions don't get in the way of my rationality. More than anything it feels like they have optimized to boost my rational ability in someways.
Either way given my sleep patterns I feel like this metamorphosis is not over yet. I have the feeling that my sleep patterns will return to normal once this transformation is fully over. As of now I am so tired a lot of the time. I might add as well that I have pretty much no desire for videos games or watching youtube videos. The only exception I have seemed to notice with youtube videos, related to that Kreia video I posted, is if the content is philosophical in nature and actually offers some better to one's mind. I find most video content on youtube to just be mostly bitching and complaining about various things without either offering any real solutions or the thing they are bitching about really doesn't matter in the end.
As a side note, I have been in contact with a Korean recruiting company. I had already got a few offers from places in China but out of the 5 I saw I only saw 2 that looked worth it and even those had issues with them. Therefore I contacted a company in Korea and now going to move forward with that since things look pretty good. There might be a chance I might only have to work 4 hours a day as well which would be very good. Would give me more time to explore Korea and be more laid back. Another thing is also that I would be getting 26 paid vacation days off and that is not including national holidays which would bring it up to 7 weeks per year. So, not a really bad gig when you add in that and free accommodation.
The other thing that is on my mind is whether I might switch back to DMSI right before I leave. Part of it is so I can finally experience the sub with less to no resistance and the other thing is I am interested to see what my results will be like in Korea. Granted, I have no doubt I will get the results I want but on the other hand having this transformation has made me question whether I even want all that. I'm finding more enjoyment from my continual self improvement than the idea of any "relationship". I'm finding the prospect of a relationship being boring on some level. Funny, there would have been a time where I was so needy and even thirsty to a degree that the prospect of staying in a relationship just for sex was good enough for me. Now? I barely even care and the idea of staying in some relationships just because she is beautiful and can offer me consistent sex almost disgusts me in some ways.
When I say that I don't mean that in some male feminist type of way either. I just guess that I am not as easily impressed anymore along with not being as needy. It seems since I have mastery over myself that sexual urges are just one of those things I might have to fulfill every once in a while but it is not a big deal anymore. It is not this priority that trumps all other priorities. I control my sex drive instead of my sex drive controlling me. It seems like self development is a much more important priority to me.
Anyway, that's about most of the the changes for now. Will see you guys later.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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