Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[EvolvingPhoenix]

God I envy you right now. Looks like you're doing great. Sending the Indonesian chick a message and then blocking her sounds rather cold to me, but I've never had to break up with a GF so what do I know.

Eh, things are good so far though like I said I do hope Shannon figures out something when he gets back about the subconscious working double time to "undo" all the progress you made ,while actively listening to the sub, when you are on your days off. I have noticed this type of response for a while. Funny you mention the girlfriend thing since right after I sent the message she was still up , which is not what I was counting on, and I know she was freaking out so I ended up calling and talking to her. I'm still going to think it over the next day or so but man she sounded desperate as hell. Like when I talked to her at one point she sounded like she was having a mental break down. On top of that like a few mins after I ended the call she sent me a message saying, "Just please don't leave me". 

To be honest it sounded like she was willing to make even more concessions, etc to make it so I don't leave. To be honest, this is the first time I've seen a women so broke. Then again this is the first time I've actually had freedom to get my value from myself so I could care less about a relationship and therefore when things aren't to my liking I will leave with no problem anymore because my value comes from myself not her. The only reason I might reconsider is: (1) She has said she won't mind running a subliminal so in the future she could reach a level of self development I am ok with, (2) She gave even more concessions, and (3) I still have a "sticking point" of when it comes to hurting other people's feelings. When I say that last part I don't mean some simple thing that will hurt their feelings, it is something big like this where she sounded like she was totally emotionally destroyed.

Its also true what Shannon said a long time ago the one that cares the least about the relationship is the one that has the most power in the relationship. I don't get my identity from anything external from myself so I don't give as much of a damn really. It quite the interesting feeling of being the one that is the least needy in the relationship. Its also funny how when you become less needy about them they become more needy about you. I had this weird feeling as I was growing more that as I became even less needy of her or not even "needing" her at all the more she grew attached to me. I guess that is just how most women are. Quite perplexing seeing this in action. I think it is only perplexing now since I can't fathom why someone would "need" anyone else. I hate to sound cold but to be honest when I think of such things I just think "weakness" and "insecurity". It seems to come from the sense that you yourself are not adequate enough and you "need" someone else to make up for that inadequacy.

Look I'm not saying to stay with this girl if the relationship doesn't work. Just promise me you won't judge her for not being where you are. If there is one thing I have learned from my experience at rock bottom, it's compassion for people who are at their lowest. 

You're so right about the one with more power giving less of a damn. It still kills me how easilly my ex friend can do without me in her life. Whatever you do with this girl, please try to do it with love and compassion for her in your heart. And try not to judge her for being where she's at. She's only human.