Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Hmmm funny I just read that post that Ben linked again after quite a while of not reading it. I was mostly going off memory of things Shannon has said over the years but there was definitely one part that describes this very well:

"The type of alpha who relies on the acknowledgement of others is limited, however. He can only remain on top for so long before he begins to weaken and is eventually replaced. This constant challenging and replacement of course means that at all times, this type of alpha is always going to be the strongest in the group.

The other type of alpha, however, does not rely on the group for his ranking. He is independent of, and above the group for his self image, happiness and privilege. He does not weaken and get replaced over time, because he is not constantly spending his energy in a battle for supremacy. He has transcended the limitations of that system, and now relies on only himself for his status, etc. While the group may not acknowledge him initially, he will be seen as the greatest threat to the current alpha of the group once he is recognized because he does not acknowledge that alpha's position and authority as being a limiting factor for himself. And because of this, the power structure does not hold him in place, restrict him, control him. He is his own man, and independent of the power structures of the groups through which he passes.

This second type of alpha is the higher form of alpha. The more subtle form of alpha. The more alpha form of alpha. He may not be the six foot four hundred-pounds-of-muscle alpha-by-raw-force, but he is a leader regardless, and others will naturally follow him out of admiration and respect because of what and who he is. The key difference here is that the group-dominant alpha leads more out of fear based respect, than the admiration based respect of the "ascendant alpha". The ascendant alpha is a master of himself first and foremost. Others follow him not because he demands it, forces it, or threatens them if they don't, but because he displays the highest, truest form of leadership and masculinity: independence and self mastery."

I might have spoke too soon and perhaps I am approaching the "ubermensch" or Transcendent alpha level of being. The being fiercely independent and not getting my value from something external is definitely there. The self mastery is there as well I think. I definitely feel a lot more in control of my thoughts and emotions than I was before. For once I feel fully in control of myself. As for my PTSD, the best way I can describe it is that it feels like the "Phantom limb" phenomenon in a way. For those that don't know the Phantom limb issue is where someone gets a limb cut off but feels like the limb is still there.

It feels like a phantom in the truest sense. Its barely there and even when I might get a "flash back" it seems half hearted, lacks any intensity, and I don't feel any pain at all really. It feels like with time that it will just fade away into nothingness. I believe I understand the anger and rage now. It wasn't so much directed at a person in general but a concept of being stuck in the same pain inflicting system, created from following what "society" said I needed to be or where I need to get my value from, and being too "fearful" to leave this system. The FRM has definitely helped me find a way out of this self destructive cycle. With the FRM being this powerful so far I am very interested how the upgraded FRM in UMS will be like. Guess time will tell.

So far this sub has done some very good things for me. Will see if I continue with this or I am tempted to switch to DMSI when I might get over to Asia. Just to see how things might turn out. Once again I will say I have no doubt that if I run DMSI again , with the recent identity level changes, I will have no problem getting any women at that point. Only thing is with this lack of external source of value I don't care all that much. Yeah, I might want a women for companionship, entertainment, and the joy of sex but other than that I just don't care. I don't think I can take anyone else seriously, in a relationship, unless they have an internal focus of value instead of getting it from outside themselves. Fat Chance of that happening though.

I find it funny, at first I got rid of one women because I had developed so far that her lack of development and wanting to stay in her fear prone mindset aggravated me. Now after I have developed yet again the current one isn't to my liking because her need to get her value from something external from herself turns me off and I find her very boring now. Honestly, at this point I know for a fact the only type of women that will fully satisfy me is one I would get from running an manifestation sub when they come out in 6G. Only thing is that is probably going to be years from now. Until then I guess it will be making lots of money (with UMS) and having casual dating for the most part. If I'm completely honest I am not fine with "settling" for "good enough" at this point. I will admit if I end up going to China though that would probably be the best place to go to accomplish what I want to do right now, though further down the line the Philippines would be a good option as well.