05-12-2019, 12:53 PM
(05-12-2019, 07:12 AM)Shannon Wrote:(05-11-2019, 12:49 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:(05-11-2019, 12:23 PM)Shannon Wrote: Step 1: Let go of your "friend". Accept that it's over. Move on and live your life.
Yeah, everybody tells me to do that...
I just can't for some reason.
You can. You may not want to. You may not choose to. But can't is ***** excuses.
I guess it's because I feel like I would be accepting defeat. Like I'm not good enough, was never good enough and will never be good enough, so I might as well just give up, because I can't change that. And I don't want to admit defeat. I don't want to admit I'm not good enough and will never be good enough. I want to think I can win, and prove I am good enough. Problem is, with that attitude, I'll NEVER be good enough anyway. It feels like a catch 22. It feels like I'm in an unwinnable scenario. I realize I'm relying way too much on external validation, but I feel like if I were really good enough, the external would match the internal, right? Problem is, the internal doesn't believe I'm good enough, so the external DOES match the internal. A catch 22. I dunno how to resolve this. Maybe I DO just need to let it go and believe I AM good enough despite what external circumstances say. But I don't feel that way. Sorry I'm dumping my shit on you. You're right, I can accept it's over, I just can't seem to accept myself. I never could. I hate myself, and don't think I'm worth anything. I need these healing subs. But I don't know if they can clean up all this self hatred. I guess I just gotta have faith and try my best, because I'm running out of options.
