Not really healing or LTU related but I just watched the big short for probably the third time, and damn that movie really is some real stuff. Showing the true colors of people acting as assholes and screwing over other people. I really liked some of the quotes in the movie:
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble, it's what you know for sure but aint so"
"Truth is like poetry, and most people hate poetry"
"Everyone, deep in their hearts, is waiting for the end of the world to come."
This is so damn true on a deep level. And it's tragic. And it shows how important it is for you to stay curious and don't fall into the trap of living an easy life in ignorance. And that you can screw people over by doing so, not only yourself. And the responsibility that you have in living your life and not making things worse for others, but to stand up and to find truth, even if it's painful and a mess.
EDIT:
My mother is a real assh*le as I have noted earlier in the journal and in my last journal. She is malevolent. Really. She just do stuff to get a reaction from people. That is her main driving force for doing stuff. I have really tried to see something else, but that's it. She does things to get a reaction from other people. She talk to me and my dad in ways to provoke us, she play the victim, she is angry. Just a pain in the ass and a really negative person blaming the whole world (mostly my dad and I) for her problems. Previously I reacted to what she did, I answered her questions with a blaming connotation, but it goes more and more to that I just ignore her. I just can't put myself in a position where I give up my inner peace to deal with her shit.
I have done that my whole life, and I am no longer interested in pursuing that course of action. Her moods are her responsibility, if I haven't directly done something that I myself can agree on, that could have been reasonable to be upset with (which I have come to understand I don't really do, I am a easygoing person and have had an easy time to be with other people, and have been told that I am easy to be with, not in a way of people would run me over and being a sucker, but just being a emotionally stable and good guy to be with - this is however an issue that I haven't really been expressing my needs as I really wanted, which I have realized have been due to my mother always putting her emotional needs as the #1 priority for everyone which have made me draw back and don't really express my views and opinions maybe as I always wanted - but this is another issue, which I also work on however).
I'm tired of her shit. I'm tired of her view of how things "should be" and her self righteous way of being. When I have the funds to move out, I will. She isn't my responsibility and shouldn't ever have been. She is on her own, my feelings of guilt is slowly dissapearing and this is what have driven me so much in life. Guilt, guilt, guilt. Always overshadowing my needs and wants. LTU5 is really digging into the core issue that have been holding me back my whole life. I am ready to leave my f*cking narcissistic asshole of a mother behind.
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble, it's what you know for sure but aint so"
"Truth is like poetry, and most people hate poetry"
"Everyone, deep in their hearts, is waiting for the end of the world to come."
This is so damn true on a deep level. And it's tragic. And it shows how important it is for you to stay curious and don't fall into the trap of living an easy life in ignorance. And that you can screw people over by doing so, not only yourself. And the responsibility that you have in living your life and not making things worse for others, but to stand up and to find truth, even if it's painful and a mess.
EDIT:
My mother is a real assh*le as I have noted earlier in the journal and in my last journal. She is malevolent. Really. She just do stuff to get a reaction from people. That is her main driving force for doing stuff. I have really tried to see something else, but that's it. She does things to get a reaction from other people. She talk to me and my dad in ways to provoke us, she play the victim, she is angry. Just a pain in the ass and a really negative person blaming the whole world (mostly my dad and I) for her problems. Previously I reacted to what she did, I answered her questions with a blaming connotation, but it goes more and more to that I just ignore her. I just can't put myself in a position where I give up my inner peace to deal with her shit.
I have done that my whole life, and I am no longer interested in pursuing that course of action. Her moods are her responsibility, if I haven't directly done something that I myself can agree on, that could have been reasonable to be upset with (which I have come to understand I don't really do, I am a easygoing person and have had an easy time to be with other people, and have been told that I am easy to be with, not in a way of people would run me over and being a sucker, but just being a emotionally stable and good guy to be with - this is however an issue that I haven't really been expressing my needs as I really wanted, which I have realized have been due to my mother always putting her emotional needs as the #1 priority for everyone which have made me draw back and don't really express my views and opinions maybe as I always wanted - but this is another issue, which I also work on however).
I'm tired of her shit. I'm tired of her view of how things "should be" and her self righteous way of being. When I have the funds to move out, I will. She isn't my responsibility and shouldn't ever have been. She is on her own, my feelings of guilt is slowly dissapearing and this is what have driven me so much in life. Guilt, guilt, guilt. Always overshadowing my needs and wants. LTU5 is really digging into the core issue that have been holding me back my whole life. I am ready to leave my f*cking narcissistic asshole of a mother behind.
