Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, just a quick update.

Ugh, since I'm getting close to graduating the resistance is trying to everything at this point to keep that from happening. I meant to get a course done last knight but ended up playing one round of videos games, then another, then another, etc. I can also feel the fear right now, it is very palpable and seems related to that time when I was on DMSI and I was terrified of going outside. I very well know why this is. Because if I graduate then its over for my old way of being. At that point I don't have to worry about how I'm going to support myself, and also if all goes well I will have a long term relationship with a women for once. I also realize its probably because the part resisting knows that I will have a lot more success in Korea and other places. Both financially and relationship wise if I use products like DMSI. I pretty much have no doubt if say I ran DMSI 3.3.1 while I was in Korea I would have no issue executing just like when I went to the Philippines. I think this is another thing that scares it big time.

Despite that, I am going to push through this. I've come too far and suffered too much over the years to give up at this point just because a certain part of me is terrified of not living the same miserable existence. I am wondering though if perhaps all this is in combination with changing to Hybrid? Maybe it actually causes a lot more resistance than using just ultrasonic? I did notice when I was getting ready to listen last night that I got the same sense of fear about listening to it again. Debating with myself whether I want to listen to hybrid or just go back to ultrasonic. Either way, I will still try to keep with this for a bit longer if not a month on hybrid.

Interesting enough I think I might be getting TID like @Kol reported regarding UMS. Essentially I noticed when I woke up in the evening yesterday that I just had this surge of hope and certainly about reaching my goals on UMS. I saw various ways in the future in which I was able to accomplish my financial goals. One of which was actually winning the lottery in a particular way. Don't even know if UMS would help in something like that but it was something I felt at the time and I felt ok with being financially wealthy.

Writing about this now though did expose a fear in contrast. I think I limit myself in my financial thinking in one way because I feel like if I became financially secure that a few bad things would happen: (1) I would stagnate as a person. Without dangerous situations I would just become bored and not motivated to better myself. (2) I might become corrupt like so extremely wealthy people become when they aren't careful. I know these very faulty beliefs. There are plenty of people who become wealthy then just find a new goal to pursue and never stop bettering themselves. There are also financially wealthy people who don't become corrupt. I think that last one comes from seeing so much media where wealthy people are constantly shown as corrupt all the time. Either way, hope I get over these beliefs that a part of me is holding on to.

Either way, already took a energy drink right now. So, I'm going to be getting to work today finally and get that other course done. With any luck I might get the 3rd course done today as well. I just want this over with then I will only have like 5-6 courses left to go. If I get busy this weekend then I might get down to 3 courses. Anyway, I will see you guys later. Take care!