03-29-2019, 01:03 PM
Quick update since something else came to me after talking with someone in private message. I did realize that I'm really not needy for women anymore. Before I felt like the idea of having regular sex and having a women was a major goal for my life. Now its like I have better things to do. I mean, yeah I have the one chick that I'm talking to that I do see myself being with long term but even with that I'm not needy. Matter of fact one thing I didn't mention when I talked about I had that serious discussion with last time was the fact that there was one thought running through my head that actually surprised me. I had thought, "eh, if she wants to get a bad attitude while I'm correcting her I could leave her and I wouldn't even care all that much". Its funny, on the one hand I really want this relationship to last but at the same time if she proves herself to not be worth it in the end then I am ready to walk away no problem.
This attitude really surprises me after years of feeling like I was way too needy and way too forgiving of bad behavior just because I was afraid of missing my chance with that person (which in the end usually repelled them even more because I didn't have their respect). Now I guess due to growing stronger mentally and character wise I won't tolerate bad behavior and am willing to walk away no problem. Hell, I feel like even if it is something as in I get clarification that she isn't what I am looking for or that I don't think we would be a good fit I would be willing to walk away. This is quite different for me really.
on top of all this its like my focus has shifted from being about women to actual goals. In this case getting financially independent and then graduating from Medical school in a few years and doing some volunteer work in other countries. In accordance with this even on this sub my watching of porn for example is actually pretty down and I don't get as much pleasure from it like I used to. it seems quite boring at this point. At this point I'm starting to really feel like I want to do something productive and meaningful with my life.
I see this as a good change because I do remember something quite interesting that was said in a video. We should strive to live a meaningful life not a happy one. Essentially the point is that happiness is not bad to have but it shouldn't be the main goal. Meaning should be the main goal. If you strive for happiness "only" then when those times of inevitable hardship come then you will be twice as depressed and discouraged whereas having meaning will actually give you the fortitude and strength of will to weather the storm. This search for meaning the purpose is never ending as well and requires continual improvement. A quote I like:
"When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes…So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. We strive to be ourselves…The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important.”
Hunter Thompson
Of not is that these people who have purpose and meaning in their lives are usually the most overall happy instead of the people who focus on happiness as the "only" objective. As Hunter has also said:
“…who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on the shore and merely existed?”
Hunter Thompson, Security
It is interesting how I am truly starting to understand this all now and actually have a "hunger" for meaning and purpose instead of just pursuing pleasure. I wonder if perhaps a lot of depression we have today in most first world countries is due to those cultures constantly telling people to pursue happiness instead of meaning. In telling people to constantly pursue happiness people literally just go for whatever will give them instant gratification and end up wasting most of their life in the process and wonder why they don't feel fulfilled.
Anyway, I just realized all this and am quite happy with this development. I hope this and the new will power i have gained keep getting stronger over the next month.
P.S. If anyone is interested this a video that really explains the Meaning vs happiness concept:
This attitude really surprises me after years of feeling like I was way too needy and way too forgiving of bad behavior just because I was afraid of missing my chance with that person (which in the end usually repelled them even more because I didn't have their respect). Now I guess due to growing stronger mentally and character wise I won't tolerate bad behavior and am willing to walk away no problem. Hell, I feel like even if it is something as in I get clarification that she isn't what I am looking for or that I don't think we would be a good fit I would be willing to walk away. This is quite different for me really.
on top of all this its like my focus has shifted from being about women to actual goals. In this case getting financially independent and then graduating from Medical school in a few years and doing some volunteer work in other countries. In accordance with this even on this sub my watching of porn for example is actually pretty down and I don't get as much pleasure from it like I used to. it seems quite boring at this point. At this point I'm starting to really feel like I want to do something productive and meaningful with my life.
I see this as a good change because I do remember something quite interesting that was said in a video. We should strive to live a meaningful life not a happy one. Essentially the point is that happiness is not bad to have but it shouldn't be the main goal. Meaning should be the main goal. If you strive for happiness "only" then when those times of inevitable hardship come then you will be twice as depressed and discouraged whereas having meaning will actually give you the fortitude and strength of will to weather the storm. This search for meaning the purpose is never ending as well and requires continual improvement. A quote I like:
"When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes…So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. We strive to be ourselves…The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important.”
Hunter Thompson
Of not is that these people who have purpose and meaning in their lives are usually the most overall happy instead of the people who focus on happiness as the "only" objective. As Hunter has also said:
“…who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on the shore and merely existed?”
Hunter Thompson, Security
It is interesting how I am truly starting to understand this all now and actually have a "hunger" for meaning and purpose instead of just pursuing pleasure. I wonder if perhaps a lot of depression we have today in most first world countries is due to those cultures constantly telling people to pursue happiness instead of meaning. In telling people to constantly pursue happiness people literally just go for whatever will give them instant gratification and end up wasting most of their life in the process and wonder why they don't feel fulfilled.
Anyway, I just realized all this and am quite happy with this development. I hope this and the new will power i have gained keep getting stronger over the next month.
P.S. If anyone is interested this a video that really explains the Meaning vs happiness concept:
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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