10-15-2018, 04:16 AM
(This post was last modified: 10-15-2018, 04:18 AM by DarthXedonias.)
Well, thought I would give a brief report then touch on something weird that happened.
I might have spoke too soon on my mind being completely ok. I noticed like Hours later my mind started slowly drifting back to that event that happen (only subtly) then once i started playing my loops I started having flash backs and outbursts again. I'm trying to understand what happened but I do think that little even on my first day in public while running the sub was manifested by the part resist. It seems for whatever reason it doesn't have access to using past hurts to chaos internal chaos so it seems to have needed this time around something more recent to happen so it could latch on. Still not proven but this is what I suspect so far.
On top of that I did catch certain things floating around in my mind early in my loops. It sounded like another part of me. Essentially I caught things like "I'm afraid" and "I don't want to". In reference to the last one the impression I got was "I don't want to let go of the fear". If true, I don't know what is going on or what is the reasons for this part to not want to let go. I honestly have no clue as to the rational.
As for other things, I ended up finishing up and turning in both my Lesson plan and 1000 word Essay. It will take a few days before I realize if I passed that portion or not. As for my actual degree, I just now finished the pre-tests for 3 different classes and am ready to take the final tests for those classes. That would mean i would have finished 3 courses in 1 day and then have 17 courses left. If I continue with a once a day thing on weekdays then I should only have 12 left by the end of this week roughly. I did notice one weird thing while I was doing all this work. I had already pretty much decided in my mind since Saturday (after I quit my job) to go even quicker and go for 3 classes today. While I was doing the work though I had this deja-vu moment, like I had done this before. Of course I hadn't but it makes me wonder if maybe I had envisioned myself doing this so much that when I got to actually doing the work it felt like I had already done it before. Some weird stuff I guess.
Other than that, not much to report. I just hope this little potential tactic that might have been used is only short term. I just can't stand this anger and agitation that keeps on happening internally due to that event being replayed in my mind.
I might have spoke too soon on my mind being completely ok. I noticed like Hours later my mind started slowly drifting back to that event that happen (only subtly) then once i started playing my loops I started having flash backs and outbursts again. I'm trying to understand what happened but I do think that little even on my first day in public while running the sub was manifested by the part resist. It seems for whatever reason it doesn't have access to using past hurts to chaos internal chaos so it seems to have needed this time around something more recent to happen so it could latch on. Still not proven but this is what I suspect so far.
On top of that I did catch certain things floating around in my mind early in my loops. It sounded like another part of me. Essentially I caught things like "I'm afraid" and "I don't want to". In reference to the last one the impression I got was "I don't want to let go of the fear". If true, I don't know what is going on or what is the reasons for this part to not want to let go. I honestly have no clue as to the rational.
As for other things, I ended up finishing up and turning in both my Lesson plan and 1000 word Essay. It will take a few days before I realize if I passed that portion or not. As for my actual degree, I just now finished the pre-tests for 3 different classes and am ready to take the final tests for those classes. That would mean i would have finished 3 courses in 1 day and then have 17 courses left. If I continue with a once a day thing on weekdays then I should only have 12 left by the end of this week roughly. I did notice one weird thing while I was doing all this work. I had already pretty much decided in my mind since Saturday (after I quit my job) to go even quicker and go for 3 classes today. While I was doing the work though I had this deja-vu moment, like I had done this before. Of course I hadn't but it makes me wonder if maybe I had envisioned myself doing this so much that when I got to actually doing the work it felt like I had already done it before. Some weird stuff I guess.
Other than that, not much to report. I just hope this little potential tactic that might have been used is only short term. I just can't stand this anger and agitation that keeps on happening internally due to that event being replayed in my mind.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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