Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, thought I would give a quick update on where I'm at right now.

I would say that trip did change me in many ways. One other reason I wanted to go was to find some kind of inspiration in my life which did happen in a way. I felt at the time, probably due to the amount of nihilism I had due to resistance, that I was kind of stagnating my life and didn't have much meaning to it. I was just existing and had no direction. A interesting thing happened on my trip which fixed this. While I was out one time in Angeles City I went to a vape store. It was sunny when I went into the store then when I came out it was starting to sprinkle. I called a trike to take me back to the hotel and it started to start raining a lot. Before we knew it it was starting to pour, there was lightning and there was high winds. We had to take shelter under a makeshift station for trikes and people to be under while its raining. It was officially a typhoon. The many of the streets were absolutely flooded (They don't really have a drainage system for the rain water on the roads).


While I was there I was looking around at all this and the people also there who looked totally poor yet still happy to a degree. Its like something snapped in my mind about how much I have back here to a degree. Good drainage system, good internet, good shelter against the elements and how much opportunity I have here. I thought how many people in that country could have the ability to reach most of their potential but they can't because they don't have much opportunities to do so due to their corrupt government that doesn't give a hoot about them. How much I have so much opportunity but I waste it being lazy, fearful of moving forward, and wasting time. How many people in the US are lazy, don't reach their potential, complain about stupid first world problems and keep asking for other people in positions of power to do stuff for them or hand them free shit.

I think at that point I got this motivation to change that once I got back here. To actually push myself more with all the opportunities I have to reach my potential and not waste it. I do feel more motivate it to reach some of my goals now. To actually get that job and finish up my degree so I can probably make it back to SEA to enjoy life a bit more. I don't know why but when I was there I felt a lot more alive and felt like I had a lot of fun. I wasn't as fearful and felt more expressive especially with my girlfriend. I didn't think about depressing thoughts as much or about my problems I just enjoyed myself. I actually tried to live life instead of being detached from it and over analyzing things.

So, with that all said I do think I did find more motivation though I do have a little conundrum. I'm wondering which sub to run if I should run any at all. I do need to finish my degree and work hard once I get that new job to get to my long term goal of getting back to SEA. MLS 5.5G would be great for this and would help though the issue would be it doesn't have "the wall" tech in it. I felt like even though I found a loophole in the wall it really did help out a lot with getting me this far. So, I don't know how well a sub without the wall would work or there would be too many loopholes I could take advantage of. On the one hand I could go back to DMSI 3.2 but the major problem is that I have that loophole that my subconscious uses which then results in not caring and nihilism which would totally derail my motivation and my ability to reach my goal. Weighing those 2 options though it would seem MLS 5.5G would be the better option despite the less amount of tech. I will make my decision soon though since time is of the essence.

On another note, I am totally in awe in the fact that even though it was in a more creative way I did manage to execute 3.2 in someway by going to another country. It just impresses me that some part of my subconscious was turned over to the execute side by 3.2 and said, "Well, getting too much resistance with trying to pursue local women (for now) so we will just line things up so we can go on a trip to somewhere else and execute with less resistance there". I mean the amount of things that had to line up just for me to go on that trip (which there were many btw) and execute the program was very amazing. Makes me really wonder just how powerful are certain parts of the subconscious? Is there that many limits to what it can do? Though I will admit, and I know this is the part resisting speaking, there is some part of me that is trying to discount this success as it just happened. That it was just some lucky coincidence though that is just silly given all the things that had to align for this to happen.

To further prove this correct I was texting my girlfriend the other day and she revealed something quite interesting. I should give some background on her though. Apparently, a few months before I met her she had been going out with a local guy. She eventually got pregnant and when she told her boyfriend about it he just upped and left town. She didn't see him ever again (though funny enough while we were going out she told me he had tried to contact her). She was stressed out and depressed because of that and she ended up having a miscarriage due to that. She says she was bitter for a while but snapped out of it and tried again but she decided no more local guys and signed up for the site where we contacted each other. She had revealed to me that normally before she wasn't this open (with affections, etc) before but because her failed relationships she decided to be more open about her feelings with who she is with (emotionally and physically) because she didn't want to fail again. So even right there I found out another thing aligned at the right time for her to be more open emotionally and sexually with me when we met.

With that said, I guess I will be deciding soon what I will be running. Granted I could just not run anything and just be ready for when 3.3 comes out but we shall see. I am confidant given what has happened that maybe 3.3 will be the one for me where I start executing even more but more with local girls and I won't have to travel thousands of miles on that version lol. Anyway, that is all for now.