Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, definitely have some evidence now that I'm still resisting to a degree.

Went to the gas station yesterday to pick up some snacks and at this gas station is mainly females that work there. Not the best looking females mind you but there is one that works there that even though shes probably in her mid to late 40s she actually still looks pretty good and has a kind of happy/social personality to her. I have noticed ever since I've stopped by there since starting version A that the women will make a comment to me out of no where to just start very, very small talk for like a few seconds. This time though this chick did the same except for like 2 different times. One of which was to tell me that one of the items I picked out was one of her favorites.

What gave me evidence of resistance was something that happened when I paid more attention to her. I started paying more attention to her body and face as she was rigging me up. All of a sudden I didn't have desire for her but I felt like something was going on in my head that was "trying" to get me to that point. All of a sudden I start to feel a "bit" of more heat and my heart starts beating in my chest a lot quicker. All of sudden in my mind I hear this conscience thought of "No, must resist" out of no where. At that moment I was really confused as to where the hell that came from and why that thought would be in my mind. I should also note that on my way in that I saw a pretty nice girl refiling her car and notice a bit of heat and my heart beat increasing as well though I didn't notice her acting like she got sniped or anything. For the counter girl it seemed like I was getting to the point of having a certain amount of desire about her but then something came in and tried to shutdown that desire from being reality in the first place because it knew it would activate the sniper.

So it seems like right now I'm still in this state of maybe the celebrity part of the aura work to a degree but the more sexual stuff seems to be "artificially" being lowered or not at all. There is some part of me that is really trying to stomp out my desire at all so that the sniper won't be even activated or limited the amount of desire I have so that the affect of a woman even being sniped is "negligible". I don't feel like my mind is resisting in other way. There is still the whole masturbation/porn/fantasizing issue though that seems to go through periods of not watching at all to full on gorging on it after abstaining for a while. I do think I have figured out whats going on in that regard. The part resisting keeps on killing my desire so that the aura has minimal impact, if any at all. After a while of this happening I still have all this pent up sexual energy and since I'm not getting it through real women its like, "See this isn't working and we need to release this somehow" and I end my no porn watching streak. I find it interesting that this method is being used seeing as the only reason I'm not getting it fulfilled through real women is exactly because its killing my desire for real women.

So, seems like there's is 2 tactics that are being used here. If I use version B my mind just goes scorched earth and creates all sorts of chaotic things to happen to make me emotionally unstable and then uses those negative emotions to fuel resistance. If I use version A it can't use that tactic so it just cuts out my
sexual desire pretty much completely or suppresses it as much as possible so I get minimal results. I do seem to notice the tactic used for version A being employed to a certain degree in other people's journals it would seem. Eh, hopefully this either gets resolved with more usage or I might have to wait til 3.3 when this will be address. Interestingly, I'm not as upset if I have to wait for 3.3 if I have to. I guess I just have this belief that this is just a bump in the road to progress for me until the program fully works for me ,probably with 3.3, and things will be just fine once that happens. I think that might be the positive attitude programming coming in for me.

Either way, Really looking forward to how things will go down. I just have this positive outlook that once things start working for me my life will start turning around quite a bit. Like others getting women is my primary motivation but just as important for me is if this can help me out with eventually getting a acting career going and eventually directing. Looks can give you a very good edge in having a acting career and if DMSI can deliver then I feel like that will be just what I need to start that career. For now though I'm just glad any PTSD symptoms are fully under control now. That in of itself is better than what I expect from this version.