02-08-2018, 03:32 PM
Well, thought I would update since some other stuff has gone on since last update:
Porn- Well, finally faltered in not watching any porn. Though I will say this is the longest I've gone without watching any (probably like a month to month and a half). The fact that just the TID from 3.2 was able to achieve this does amaze me. The way it happened though was out of no where I started to constantly think about watching it and there was this inner conflict. I felt like a certain part in my mind was literally screaming, "No, don't do it" but there was another part that felt like it was nudging me conscientiously. The interesting thing was the way it won out. The argument was basically, "Well, once 3.2 is out I won't have a choice in the matter anyway so might as well indulge". I don't know how to feel about that argument. On the one hand its a negative that I relapsed but at the same time I could see a positive if that arguement had a ring of truth to it. Basically, seems like the subconscious is like, "Well I can't do shit once those "WALLS" close up so might as well for now". Like there is this sense of inevitability that the games are over with.
Sex Drive- Along those lines its also like I've been getting super horny out of no where. Don't know how to interpret this new development.
Concerning thoughts on women- I don't know where this new attitude has come from but I have this new thought pattern if there is a women I want I can have her no problem. Like there is no if's, and's, or but's about it. I've also been thinking about women I've met in the past that are still in my area but don't see to them often due to not having contact information and them leaving jobs where we previously worked. I almost have this indescribable feeling that I will run into those women again while on 3.2. I'm especially thinking of 2 of them who in some subtle/non-subtle ways that they are interested but I was too busy self sabotaging myself at the time or ignoring those signs completely. I do think if possible when 3.2 comes out I might have another chance to have an opportunity with those women. Another funny thing was while I was having these feelings of these events taking place I just so happened to find out that the Arabic women who went cold on me last semester after all those signs actually has a class that starts at the same time as one of my classes in the same building. This will be interesting since I'm pretty sure she was the long range sniper target and seemed to be the one that got hit full force by the aura on 3.1. Will be nice to see how 3.2 hits her and if she tries to mend the relationship in some way due to it.
Heat- I've gotten random bouts of my heart beating very rapidly and my body discharging heat at least 3 times now. This is when the temperature in the area not being a valid explanation for that.
That's pretty much everything except for one last issue. It took me a while to notice but I haven't really been going outside lately at all. I just stay home all day. Its like If I need to go outside for someone (mainly faraway) I just have this feeling of "I don't want to be around people right now". Its actually getting quite obsessive. The funny thing though is when I force myself to go out to do something its like I feel no anxiety or anything of the sort. Its almost like the subconscious is fooling me with this illusion of "you don't want to go out there, its not safe, people are just going to annoy you" and then when I get out there I feel no negatives (anxiety, etc) and people are acting generally more friendly or going out of their way to help me. Its like once I actually get out there I'm able to see the illusion for what it is. Don't know, probably just some way of the subconscious to resist the TID I guess. I'm guessing it doesn't have anymore trick up the sleeves so its most likely trying to keep me from experiencing anything in the first place by influencing me not to go outside much.
Since TID is nothing but ripples from when you actually use the program I'm guessing when I actually run the program it will be so strong I won't have to worry about this non motivation to go outside. Other than that the only resist type things I've noticed is the 2 times I had almost had panic attacks (when thinking about achieving the goals of 3.2) and having random, brief ideas of running another sub in the mean time which makes no sense to me since 3.2 will probably release within probably 2 or 3 weeks. One other thing that I found as a interesting side note though is that even though I won't be able to move out yet for a while, I found out my mother will be going on some road trip for weeks this month. I just find it very interesting that 3.2 will probably be out this month and at the same time she decides to go on some road trip around the country. Its almost like I won't even have to worry about logistics if I did reach the design goals. I find this to be too much of a coincidence.
Anyway, that is all for now. See ya guys later.
Porn- Well, finally faltered in not watching any porn. Though I will say this is the longest I've gone without watching any (probably like a month to month and a half). The fact that just the TID from 3.2 was able to achieve this does amaze me. The way it happened though was out of no where I started to constantly think about watching it and there was this inner conflict. I felt like a certain part in my mind was literally screaming, "No, don't do it" but there was another part that felt like it was nudging me conscientiously. The interesting thing was the way it won out. The argument was basically, "Well, once 3.2 is out I won't have a choice in the matter anyway so might as well indulge". I don't know how to feel about that argument. On the one hand its a negative that I relapsed but at the same time I could see a positive if that arguement had a ring of truth to it. Basically, seems like the subconscious is like, "Well I can't do shit once those "WALLS" close up so might as well for now". Like there is this sense of inevitability that the games are over with.
Sex Drive- Along those lines its also like I've been getting super horny out of no where. Don't know how to interpret this new development.
Concerning thoughts on women- I don't know where this new attitude has come from but I have this new thought pattern if there is a women I want I can have her no problem. Like there is no if's, and's, or but's about it. I've also been thinking about women I've met in the past that are still in my area but don't see to them often due to not having contact information and them leaving jobs where we previously worked. I almost have this indescribable feeling that I will run into those women again while on 3.2. I'm especially thinking of 2 of them who in some subtle/non-subtle ways that they are interested but I was too busy self sabotaging myself at the time or ignoring those signs completely. I do think if possible when 3.2 comes out I might have another chance to have an opportunity with those women. Another funny thing was while I was having these feelings of these events taking place I just so happened to find out that the Arabic women who went cold on me last semester after all those signs actually has a class that starts at the same time as one of my classes in the same building. This will be interesting since I'm pretty sure she was the long range sniper target and seemed to be the one that got hit full force by the aura on 3.1. Will be nice to see how 3.2 hits her and if she tries to mend the relationship in some way due to it.
Heat- I've gotten random bouts of my heart beating very rapidly and my body discharging heat at least 3 times now. This is when the temperature in the area not being a valid explanation for that.
That's pretty much everything except for one last issue. It took me a while to notice but I haven't really been going outside lately at all. I just stay home all day. Its like If I need to go outside for someone (mainly faraway) I just have this feeling of "I don't want to be around people right now". Its actually getting quite obsessive. The funny thing though is when I force myself to go out to do something its like I feel no anxiety or anything of the sort. Its almost like the subconscious is fooling me with this illusion of "you don't want to go out there, its not safe, people are just going to annoy you" and then when I get out there I feel no negatives (anxiety, etc) and people are acting generally more friendly or going out of their way to help me. Its like once I actually get out there I'm able to see the illusion for what it is. Don't know, probably just some way of the subconscious to resist the TID I guess. I'm guessing it doesn't have anymore trick up the sleeves so its most likely trying to keep me from experiencing anything in the first place by influencing me not to go outside much.
Since TID is nothing but ripples from when you actually use the program I'm guessing when I actually run the program it will be so strong I won't have to worry about this non motivation to go outside. Other than that the only resist type things I've noticed is the 2 times I had almost had panic attacks (when thinking about achieving the goals of 3.2) and having random, brief ideas of running another sub in the mean time which makes no sense to me since 3.2 will probably release within probably 2 or 3 weeks. One other thing that I found as a interesting side note though is that even though I won't be able to move out yet for a while, I found out my mother will be going on some road trip for weeks this month. I just find it very interesting that 3.2 will probably be out this month and at the same time she decides to go on some road trip around the country. Its almost like I won't even have to worry about logistics if I did reach the design goals. I find this to be too much of a coincidence.
Anyway, that is all for now. See ya guys later.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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